Today's rules of marriage or a life time partner seems to have changed, or be a thing of the past. There is no longer life time romance or I can't live without you, for always and forever love. Actually that seems to end six months into the relationship if it is even to last that long. And if it does pass that lust and grow into love, why are couples so easy to throw in the towel? Being married doesn't seem to matter, till death do we part really means until we give up and stop trying. Could it be that old saying the grass is greener on the other side, but is it? Or are we so easy to disregard a relationship as easy as it is to stop working out or give up on that diet that we can't do. People always say it's hard to find a good woman or man, but when we do find them we seem not to want them. Are we programmed in relationships as we are as children to get bored with a toy and toss it aside for the new one? Is it men that have changed or is it women that are willing to accept less? Are men simply satisfied going to work, do their weekly agenda and seeing their love interest when they feel the need for affection, intimacy, or maybe just sex. Is dating the new commitment? Is romance dead; is it too late to bring it back? Women watch romantic movies wishing it was them, men call these movies chick flicks. So how can we get back on the same page? It might be too much to ask a man to come to our rescue as a knight and shining armor. But maybe if we women as a whole wouldn't accept anything but more, we just might get romance back in our men. I can't speak for all women just hopeless romantics like me. Barbara Jeanne xo
I once watched this movie The Never Ending Story, although it is a children’s movie, it left me with quite an impact. Years later still on my mind, I felt the need to pass the moral of this story on.
In the movie the young boy was searching the land high and low in hopes of finding the big nothing to save the princess. Failing with nothing left to do, he went to the beautiful princess and said “I cannot save you; I do not know where to find the “Big Nothing”. She spoke in the most gentle voice and said “my dear child what you are looking for is inside of you. It is inside of each and every one of us. People lose themselves by not following their hopes and dreams, until one day they feel a darkness that overcomes them. Leaving each person with the feeling of emptiness, lifeless, and that my dear friend is the big nothing”.
As children we dream of what we want to be when we grow up. Movie stars, rock star, even the president. So at what point do let go of our dreams and desires and just settle? And if people are having such a ball in life, why are so many people depressed? So this makes me wonder, and ask this question are we living or just existing.
Growing up we are so carefree, having the time of our lives. Hanging out with our friends, our first loves. But somewhere down the line reality sets in and here were are all grown up with obligations, major decisions and with that comes pressure. Soon we realize life isn’t as fun.
You might be blessed to have a salary making six figures, but that usually comes with greater bills or the salary where you are struggling with that job that is barely getting you by. Either way, you are chained to that job that you may or may not like. And each month those bills come rolling in like clockwork. And if we splurge to go on a trip or an outing are we playing catch up financially. That brings us back to our jobs.
So is life a big cycle? And if so how do we get off and start to enjoy and live again? First off let’s start simple. Do something you did as a child that you loved. And it probably doesn’t cost much because let’s face it most people didn’t roll with a lot of cash back then. Next, dream! We dream at night, why not carry our dreams at least the good ones into the day. Start dreaming with your eyes opened and maybe just maybe, you can turn some of your dreams into reality and start to live again, and not just exist. Love, Barbara Jeanne xo
Relationships are taking a toll. Many people want one, but do not want to invest the time to have one. We seem more comfortable being on media sites for entertainment. People only seek out a real person when the need intimacy. This is usually when ones is feeling down, or feels they want that feel of a human body.
So what is happening? People hop online and troll the internet until they find who they want to chat for the evening. Or they might have a few they are juggling. When the night is coming to an end we say our goodnights. But some before doing so take time to pleasure themselves. (Sorry so Bold) Others wait until they are alone and fantasize of whom they were talking to or not. So what we have is what our brain is telling us, that we had an evening of stimulating conversation with the opposite sex. It is everything you might get on a date but it was free. You didn’t have to leave the comforts of your own home, and you weren’t let down by the fantasy of who you think this person is.
Am I saying something we all don’t know? Absolutely not, and this goes for both guys and gals. Guys think “I don’t have to spend the money, or leave the comforts of my home”. While girls think, “I don’t have to shave and get all done up”. Some people are actually okay having people think they are something they are not.
So with this we are losing intimacy, which is something so important to flourish in life. You might be fine alone, and it might be okay now. But seeing people I know grow old alone literally breaks my heart. Unless you have the money to travel abroad alone (sounds fun) then it’s something to think about. Years sneak up quickly; you may feel young and vibrant now, but you may not in a few years. And then what will be your plan then? When everyone you know gets old, are we going to become the Golden Girls or the Golden Boys? The thought might be ok, but in the show “The Golden Girls” even they were looking for Mr. Right.
Bottom line, it’s your life to choose, but I love to come home to someone, or they come home to me. I love to laugh with someone and be silly in person. I love the touch and feel and have contact of a person daily. And I want to look forward to growing old and going to the early bird specials holding hands. That to me is awesome! Love, Barbara Jeanne xo
Love is such a beautiful gift. To love and to be loved feels absolutely awesome. Yet so many people are having such a hard time connecting. There are several reasons why, one being that people seems to be okay doing their own daily routines. And they seek for intimacy only when the feel it’s necessary. Guys have now learned to cook, clean and wash their own clothes. Many single girls don’t want to cook, clean, or wash clothes. Girls do these chores only when they have to.
These days computers allow us to have online relationships. And for some that is enough. And this goes for both guys and the girls. So it plays out something like this. After they finished up their daily necessities, they hop online. There are many people that a satisfied to have a night of great conversation with that one special person they are having this online relationship with. Maybe they just want to mingle with several, of course until its bedtime when it’s now time get off. These people feel content enough that they had a night of good conversation. Next they do what they have to do and call it a night.
The reality of actually of real life meetings, they may like you but they may find a liking for a few different people as well. What happens if they meet someone at the store, local bar, wherever and want to bring them home for a quick romp in the bed? They want that option. So that brings me to think, are we going back in time, were casual sex was a common thing? And keep love out of the equation? That is a sad thought to think.
Because love actually makes you prosper. It puts a bounce in your step. Makes you want to do better, because you are happy. Even though this can be a blessing, many people don’t see it that way. People are sent into your life for a purpose, yet many times it goes unnoticed. Sometime we are meant to help another, other times people are here to help you. But mostly, we have two types of people. The caretakers, these are people that are put here to help you get through tough times, or whatever might be the purpose. Others are the takers, many stand alone. They take love but the love they get, they don’t give that love back in return. Leaving the person they are with feeling a lack of being loved.
So we need to balance out things a bit. Try to fix this mess that we have created and doing this hopefully the people searching for love might actually find it. We need to see the benefits of love and for those that want love, see if you are giving what is necessary. Love is not the drama that we make it to be. We see and feel the signs of not being loved, and it is a shitty feeling. So when those signs are coming to you loud and clear, it pretty much means at this point it’s time to let it go.
Instead of trying to make someone that doesn’t have it in them to love as you should be loved, you need to have the strength to walk away and let it go. Yes it will hurt, but in the long run you will have passed on probably a long period that you would have been heartbroken. So in the long run, a relationship like this will only bring you heartache. And you deserve love not hurt or pain.
Love is such an amazing feeling. If you open your heart and let someone in you will see how a healthy relationship builds you up. Make you become the best you can be. They are more than just being someone you can hang out with. They are your partner, your lover, your best friend, the one that boost you to do even better than you are. And if you think you are fine on your own, you could be. But having a partner will bring you to an even higher level. With the right person, this is a fact.
I knew a wonderful guy and I was friends with his sons. He asked me out, and said he’d treat me better than who I was with. I told him I had to decline. He then said to me “when I was younger I didn’t care about being in a relationship, or being married. (Which he was married at one point and had 4 children). I liked doing my own thing; being alone, hanging with friends. I didn’t think I needed anyone. I thought I was the shit, running the streets, hanging with different women and having a good time”. He went on to say “now that I am older and want a relationship and to be loved, no one wants me.” He went through cancer and being sick basically alone. He died at the age of 62.
I believe people want to be loved, but we have become too selfish, too reckless with peoples heart, and are comfortable running solo. But being love while it last feels absolutely f**king amazing. Better than any feeling. Instead of thinking negative, let’s try to think positive about why being in a healthy relationship would be awesome. Two heads are better than one. Oh, behind every good man is a great woman. And the connection and intimacy between two people is nurturing to your life. The one thing we now have to learn is how to behave while we are in a relationship. Some people do know. Others need a little help. But that will be my next article. Love, Barbara Jeanne
So here it is a little over a week into the New Year. Have we kept all those New Year’s resolutions that were made or have they been left behind with the year that has just past? And if you had a life coach someone to guide you to your destination would it make it easier to meet your goals? All the things that you said you were going to do? We had every intention to start working out or to quit smoking.
What if we did something that would be easier. Let’s say maybe we could work on the relationships around you. The ones closer to home and more important would be who you would start with. By improving your relationships it would make you and the others have a healthier, happier time being together, and it would also improve your life in general. See when we are happy and secure in our relationships that trickles down to each avenues in our lives. For example you can concentrate and focus at work or in school because you have no worries with your relationship at home. This would go for both people I would say. You should want your partner to be happy with you as well.
So how do you do this? Show your partner more care, more interest, and absolutely more love. This is something that you don’t have to take extra time out of your day. You just need a fresh new positive attitude. Once you start to build up your relationship in a healthy direction you will notice that it will improve. Remember if you don’t give the proper attention to anything eventually it dies, so does love. So you want to make a conscious effort to make your partner a priority. I think that when 2 people meet the emotions are high and strong but as the relationship progresses the effort becomes very relaxed. By being consecutive with the TLC (tender loving care) you will bring back the closeness you may have lost a bit. And what is so fabulous about this, love doesn’t cost a thing. You have to talk to your partner; you have to interact with them each day. So you can act like you have been which may be with little care. Or in the same time period you can act excited to see them, spend time with them and most of all secure them that you love them. Take turns cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. I hate to say this but I hear a lot of girls saying I don’t do those things. Yes you do if you want a long term relationship. Your partner may be good about it as you two are enjoying life together. But at some point if you are to have children and you don’t do chores, well that may be a bit of a problem. And guys you aren’t off the hook, you can get consumed with you and your necessities and may be a bit selfish. Spread the love you spend with yourself on your partner and watch it do wonders.
When you are in a relationship you cannot be that selfish that your partner never sees the top of the list. Yes you have other priorities but you have to learn to juggle. But doing so you will achieve a happier and healthier relationship with the person you say “I love you to”. This brings a feeling of security that you have harmony in your home, which makes the rest of your life flow a little more easily.
Now that you have the main relationship intact let’s work on some others. One would be your immediate family, friends and lastly your coworkers. There is no need to hate this one or that one. This one or that one annoys you. Let it go. If you are talking about your friend, then it’s time to make a decision to keep or release. Remember you can be annoying as well so think of that when you are being catty yourself. Coworkers deal with it. You spend limited time with these people. Parents and siblings remember you never know when someone can be gone so treasure them. Happy New Year! Get to work on those relationships… Love Barbara Jeanne