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Wednesday
Dec032014

Love...Is it What You Always Expected

          Since 2007 I started writing and having my articles published in various magazines. I have studied relationships since I was a little girl. It fascinated me to try and figure out why 2 people would connect. I realized that it had to do with development of their body, especially a girl. As well as how pretty you were as a girl, and how cute you were as a boy. I remember a friend of mine that developed over the winter and by summer all the boys at our swim club liked her. When the year prior they thought she was a pest. So I learned boys liked boobies and how pretty you are. I didn’t feel pretty and I sure didn’t have boobies.

           But then things took a turn from that thought. I had my first boyfriend. We hung out all the time and if we weren’t together we were on the phone. We were pretty much inseparable. Although I didn’t have boobies I did have a kick ass body. My years of doing gymnastics and good genes I guess helped big time. But I wasn’t confident about feeling too pretty. All I had was my mom saying “you’ll see one day you will be so pretty” She would say that all the time. But it seem as though I was waiting for a long time for feeling the sense of being pretty. Oh and I figured out it turns out it’s not all about boobies. And that’s good because mine didn’t seem to be growing. I did have a kick ass personality though. I was funny as hell and the one that kept everyone entertained and laughing.

            Let’s keep it moving on with my research of why 2 people get together. I hope things that I learned and pass on to you will help you someday. Moving on…One day I was outside of my house hanging out and I used the F word when a boy from my neighborhood came up to me and said “you are way to pretty to talk like that”. I’m pretty, someone said I was pretty. So I knew that my mom was right, no cursing. And did he say I was pretty? Wow that was the first time I heard that and I was in 7th grade. So I always use that rule since then no cursing, or try not to at least. I also found during the years, that if you don’t curse especially to the person you are in a relationship with, they usually won’t curse to you. A guy that I was in a long term relationship was the first and only one to say f**k you to me and I simply replied “yeah you do but I don’t come. Period! The end came for us shortly after.

               So I realized so far that it’s not all about the looks although important. You had to have a connection physically and mentally as well. And you don’t necessarily need boobies. But as I hit high school all that seem to change. I came from a small catholic school that there really weren’t groups. But I soon learned the high school rules. That people liked each other for the status of who they hung out with and popularity. This one we have known for years. But you don’t always know until you get there. But I find that sometimes two people in different boxes collide and it somehow seems to work. And who am I? I consider myself an out of the box type of gal.

                When I went to college I became this wild child. My mother still shakes her head every now and then. But by now not too much surprises her. What we are taught at home is very important and very valuable. This is how we learn to treat our partner as well as the type of partner will we choose. It shows us how to conduct ourselves in a relationship. What we see and learn we will mimic. How we are brought up will have a big impact on which direction we choose in life, as well as whom we will choose in life. It will have an effect in the type of person we will attract and be attracted to. As you get into a more serious relationship it will make or break the length of time of your relationships. You will notice that some people are always in relationship and other that seem to always be single. If you feel you would change things in your life as you grew up. Make an effort to do so when you have children.               

                What is my goal? I hope to get people to understand why we make silly decision that we do. I want you to realize that many of our choices can break a relationship that could have gone the long haul. Why would we rather sit on a computer for hours talking to a person where you can only see words and imagine a face? Why do we always imagine the person on the other side of the computer to be hot, handsome, sexy etc.? Is it that what we are hoping. Or do we imagine that so we get a rise, if you know what I mean. It seems so easy to talk on the computer. In fact it seems that those relationships last longer than the ones we have in person. Is it because our mind lets us imagine the person to be exactly who we want. Do we truly think that the person on the other side of the computer is exactly who they say they are with the pics they post? Or could those pics be of someone else, or from long ago. Guys did you ever think that you could be talking to a dude.

                   Guys have to stop using girls when they are in need of intimacy and girls have to stop thinking a prince is coming. Guys and girls should be happy to find a good loving person that cares for us and will be there through thick and thin. It’s almost as people use each other for having fun but not to have a real relationship. People should not settle for this. If we stop running over and stop accepting a half ass relationship or whatever it is you have going on. We should only expect and accept the real deal. Maybe just maybe we have a good chance of getting the real thing, a good loving relationship. Love, Barbara Jeanne xo

Thursday
Feb132014

How To Find & Keep a Healthy Relationship, It's Hard but not Impossible

                  So many people that I counsel or speak with are disengaged with their partner. Some say it was from the very beginning that they were never satisfied with their partner. Others say over time one of the two started slacking. They did not want to have sex, be romantic, or have conversation and eventually the two grew apart. This is leaving the one that initially wanting to seek counseling bitter and unsure if they even want to continue to be in this relationship. You cannot invest no time in your relationship and think that it will survive. You also cannot be selfish and think you two will survive. A relationship is teamwork. Two people working together towards the same goals. I am also not putting all the wrong on just one person. You have to really know who you are walking down the aisle with, as well as who you enter a relationship with. The problem sometimes is that a person behaves one way when trying to conquer and once that is achieved they change into who they truly are. This is why I say to wait at least two years to make it final. The two year mark you will know what and who you are truly getting. Let’s move on. Once a person gets disappointed to a certain point they start looking elsewhere. Not that cheating is exactly what they have on mind but they are craving someone that makes them feel good, feel happy, feel alive. And we should feel this way. We have one life to live, one life to be happy and find true love. We do not get a do over at the end of time, so we need to get it right. If not the first time, sometime during your relationship you got to try and fix it. I always say give it your all and then walk away and find someone that will treat you as you want and should be treated. People feel guilty that they go out and look and may find someone to fill this void. They ask me is it wrong? I am not here to judge but to help you achieve a healthy, happy relationship and life. If you are not happy it is normal by nature to go out and find happiness. The only problem is you find someone but you have a significant other at home. Sometimes it’s hard to leave and turn and walk away from your relationship to try to see where this new one might lead. For different reasons, children, financially you may not be able to afford it. You may even dread the fact of hurting or breaking someone’s heart that you love but you are not in love with. What do you do? You need to sit and write a list. Write down the pros and cons. See which one comes up a winner. Next you need to make a plan, if you are going to stay and work it out or leave and go with the new. But don’t leave for another person thinking it might work, unless this new person has already offered a commitment and their heart. Because 9 out of 10 times the new person will not hang around and it doesn’t always last. If you leave it is because you have tried and you still are not happy and you have to be ready to maybe be alone. You might find someone right away but chances are better finding the right person when you are doing the right thing. So cheating and being unfaithful does happen and sometimes when it wasn’t meant to happen but it does. Never tell you partner if you have an affair and it’s over and you decide to stay with your significant other. Why? Because it will forever ruin your relationship. It will crush the person you were originally with and nothing good will ever come from it. But maybe the end of your relationship once they find out. So ask to be forgiven from your higher power, make peace with yourself and move on. Bottom line, you got to be happy, but to get happiness you got to love with an unselfish love. Barbara Jeanne xo

Wednesday
Oct092013

How to Get a Man, But More Importantly, How to Keep Him!

          If a man wants a woman, boy is the game on. I had people stalk me, send me presents through the mail, sending presents to my house and actually had someone walk right up to my door. Then there were the ones that just came out and would tell me straight forward. I had people tell me I light up the room when I walked in. Every relationship that I have had I have put 100% into it, I guess I was young when I got married all I really knew was to mimicked what I saw my mom do. I cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, gave my man loving, massages, head before bed and the list goes on. And I always was dressed to impress. I was always into fitness, so wearing the tiny clothes came natural to me and keeping my body in top shape I accepted no other way. But for most I think my mom was a big role model in my life. I remembered one time she went to pick up my dad from the airport. She wore white hot pants, white knee high boot with heels and her hair was rocking to her shoulders, teased up with a clip. I thought to myself, wow she looks so hot and my dad looked so excited to see her. He told her how nice she looked, and I know she dressed up just for him. This is where I started to realize what a man needed, and wanted. She was a strong woman but she had dinner on the table, clothes ready for him to wear and she made him laugh. My mom was so funny and I can remember that my mom and dad did laugh a lot together. I found to be so very important. You need to sport a good, happy personality. Everyone thinks men like the bitches. Some girls think that the bitches get everything, that my friend is not true at all. I show an overabundance of love and that is what I always got in return. I don’t believe in cursing and I do believe in acting like a lady, and that is how I was always treated. When I left for college my mother and my father went out on their own to buy my goodbye card. To my surprise out of all the cards out there, they bought me the same card. That’s when I felt that my parents where soul mates. Although things can change with the wrong environment, I found this out when I came home for thanksgiving and my sister who did not like my dad had a lifetime of marriage at each other’s neck. As time went by I realized that she was trying to split them up and sorry to say by the time I was in my second year of college, shortly after I got married my father was gone. So he was not there to see his first grandchild. He wouldn’t be there to see any of us again. It’s hard when one parent makes you pick. So I was young, confused I choose my mom, never to see my dad again. My dad begged her to let him stay but with my sister behind saying to get rid of him, I guess she choose as well and it was my sister. So although I tried to find him down the road, it wasn’t like today and by the time I did find him he didn’t remember who I was. And a few years after my sister told me that he had passed and she had to go. So there I was standing crying all alone.  It makes you think does this affect how you treat men? Does it affect who you are as a person, or how you have a relationship? How you allow guys to treat you? I think that it absolutely can. And I do believe I was so young when I got married and had a child that I didn’t know exactly how to act so I acted what I was taught, what I saw and that was everything I knew to be a good wife. But many men thought of me as a QP doll. I wasn’t one to fight, I was one to argue. I would say how I would feel and it is the man’s job to decide if it is important enough to do something to change to make me happy. But I have to say I by no means allowed anyone to walk all over me. When I had a point to make I did it smooth and easy. So when I would leave, so when the end of the relationship came I was so over it. Each guy told me they could never find anyone like me. And I guess that is right because every man is still asking me out, still waiting in the wings to see if it might happen. That no one would be around and I would get lonely and go back. But so far I don’t go back, only forward. I believe that how you grow up is somewhat who you become as an adult. Who you are as an adult in so many ways is what you learned and saw as a child. You always go back to your roots as you grow into an adult. But it’s also friends that you hang with throughout school, especially high school and college.  What is important as well is the romantic relationships that you chose starting as you go into your young adult years. The relationship you have in high school. Sometimes you can get confused but if you go with treating you mate with the love that they want, an unselfish love, and you need to ask what it is you need in return if your partner is not getting it. But if you are not getting it you need to see if the get it. If you have to teach them that much, somewhere down the line the two of you two will run into a problem. So read on to find out how to exactly get your man, keep you man and it’s not all about sex at all. Find the secret’s in my book. Barbara Jeanne xo

Saturday
Oct052013

We Lost the Way to Find Real Love, True Love (Let me Refresh Your Memory)

         Many people today are using these social sites to actually socialize. Such as Facebook, Plenty of Fish, E Harmony, and the list goes on and on it seems in these days. There are so many sites from religion, to race to age, and type of education. Hum, that is quite crazy because people are trying just about everything, going outside of their box. It seems to be entertaining people so much. Almost to the point that people are staying in and having an intimate evening with their laptop and whoever is on the other side than to actually getting out and going an actual dates. So what do I mean, well people have their simulating conversations online, then they basically take care of themselves sexually that they don’t need to leave the house at all. Disagree? I was in a relationship with a guy as such so I decided to see was I alone or do many people do this and I wasn’t alone. Many people actually do this. And they either masturbate to the person that they think they are talking to on the other side of the computer or they have their porn site waiting to please. The good thing for them is they don’t have to go out and meet anyone and they can be whoever they want to be online. The bad thing is that computers are really stifling the reality of who you really are. As well as truly meeting people and making relationships become a reality. The worse part for the people that want to meet the person they are talking to. And the person on the other side has no intentions for one reason or another. You are wasting the person precious time. Also, if you do meet the person and don’t decide they are not for you, tell them. Although you don’t really owe them an explanation, it might be the kind thing to do. You don’t have to make it formal, just send a simple text saying, it was nice meeting you but I going to keep on looking. People are so chicken shit that they just disappear but the funny and stupid part of it is that you hear from the person when they realize that nothing is out there. And they start writing, texting or calling you again. Is it that there nothing, or nobody out there? Or are people just acting like they could care less that people go around in a circle and still come up empty handed, even going back to the same person. Exactly they are the same person that you really didn’t like, so why go back? Stop!  We need to find a better quality of a person as well as we need to be a better quality of a person. We have become selfish, lazy, and is this is what our children are seeing, hum, that’s not good. What we need to do is bring back morals, bring back unselfishness, loving, caring….come on we know the things that we need for a healthy relationship and if you don’t, well you need to learn. We are meant to love, we are meant to be loved. It helps of flourish in our everyday lives and it does complete us. Some people say we should be complete by ourselves. Of course we should and if you are content that way so be it. But for those that are hopeless romantics like me that want to be in love, live to be in love, then we need to work on ourselves to be wanted. As I said before the want is so very important. If you don’t know how to create the want, follow along as I say it over and over and you will eventually get it. You will live it and YOU WILL FIND LOVE! Barbara Jeanne xo

Wednesday
Jul172013

Finding Love & Holding Onto It (A Relationship Coach May Be the Cure)

      Every day I get mail stating that they are not able to find love. And when they do find love it seems very short lived. Something is going wrong, but what could it be? Is it the fact that men have treated women horribly for the last few decades and now they are giving guys a taste of their own medicine? Or could it be that both women and men are both selfish and it is very hard to give them for a period of time? I believe it is leaving both genders a bit confused. So is it possible to get on the same page to get to the always and forever? I am not sure if we messed ourselves up so badly that a healthy relationship is no longer a possibility. Well that I do not believe. I do believe many people need a relationship coach to be frank and honest with them to get you on the right track to finding true love. I see many relationships that shouldn’t be. There is no connection and frankly I see no want for at least one or both to even be together. So why stay? Because of comfort or maybe you don’t want to risk of the unknown? You would have to now go out and start the process of looking for love all over. So there we sit unhappy. My goal is to teach people how to find love, how to know when it’s wrong and when to let it go. To also know when indeed it is right. And most importantly if there is something you may be doing wrong or something you can do to boost it along in the right direction. I will be you relationship guide. And if you may need this help, please get a hold of me and look for my book. It will make you understand just about everything about love. Barbara Jeanne xo