So many people that I counsel or speak with are disengaged with their partner. Some say it was from the very beginning that they were never satisfied with their partner. Others say over time one of the two started slacking. They did not want to have sex, be romantic, or have conversation and eventually the two grew apart. This is leaving the one that initially wanting to seek counseling bitter and unsure if they even want to continue to be in this relationship. You cannot invest no time in your relationship and think that it will survive. You also cannot be selfish and think you two will survive. A relationship is teamwork. Two people working together towards the same goals. I am also not putting all the wrong on just one person. You have to really know who you are walking down the aisle with, as well as who you enter a relationship with. The problem sometimes is that a person behaves one way when trying to conquer and once that is achieved they change into who they truly are. This is why I say to wait at least two years to make it final. The two year mark you will know what and who you are truly getting. Let’s move on. Once a person gets disappointed to a certain point they start looking elsewhere. Not that cheating is exactly what they have on mind but they are craving someone that makes them feel good, feel happy, feel alive. And we should feel this way. We have one life to live, one life to be happy and find true love. We do not get a do over at the end of time, so we need to get it right. If not the first time, sometime during your relationship you got to try and fix it. I always say give it your all and then walk away and find someone that will treat you as you want and should be treated. People feel guilty that they go out and look and may find someone to fill this void. They ask me is it wrong? I am not here to judge but to help you achieve a healthy, happy relationship and life. If you are not happy it is normal by nature to go out and find happiness. The only problem is you find someone but you have a significant other at home. Sometimes it’s hard to leave and turn and walk away from your relationship to try to see where this new one might lead. For different reasons, children, financially you may not be able to afford it. You may even dread the fact of hurting or breaking someone’s heart that you love but you are not in love with. What do you do? You need to sit and write a list. Write down the pros and cons. See which one comes up a winner. Next you need to make a plan, if you are going to stay and work it out or leave and go with the new. But don’t leave for another person thinking it might work, unless this new person has already offered a commitment and their heart. Because 9 out of 10 times the new person will not hang around and it doesn’t always last. If you leave it is because you have tried and you still are not happy and you have to be ready to maybe be alone. You might find someone right away but chances are better finding the right person when you are doing the right thing. So cheating and being unfaithful does happen and sometimes when it wasn’t meant to happen but it does. Never tell you partner if you have an affair and it’s over and you decide to stay with your significant other. Why? Because it will forever ruin your relationship. It will crush the person you were originally with and nothing good will ever come from it. But maybe the end of your relationship once they find out. So ask to be forgiven from your higher power, make peace with yourself and move on. Bottom line, you got to be happy, but to get happiness you got to love with an unselfish love. Barbara Jeanne xo