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The Kiss That Wasn't

I'm sitting in your car, the time on our first date ticking down. My bus waits nearby. I have about ten minutes. I am thinking of kissing you. We're talking - about what I don't remember - but I'm focused on your lips. They are all I can think of. I imagine them soft, inviting. I see them move as you speak and think of them moving with mine, locked in a passionate moment I will always remember. But the clock ticks on, nine minutes, eight minutes. I feel pressure, but we've already established we will see each other again. This thought relieves the pressure, the drive to make "a move." I think, 'There will be time for this when we meet again. Don't force something that might not be welcomed.'

I've experienced this internal struggle before, with other women. Sometimes it's hard to know the right thing to do. My mind is bombarded with conflicting thoughts: 'Does she want me to kiss her?' 'Do I want to kiss her?' 'Is this the right time?' 'What will her reaction be?'

There is nothing worse than being rejected the first kiss. The self-recrimination typically follows: 'What was I thinking?' 'How could I have not known she was not receptive?' 'What will she think of me now?' Maybe we construct all this in our male minds. I don't know.

I am left wondering about what the kiss would have been. But then decide not to beat myself up about a lost opportunity. I will instead focus on the future, the next time, what I would like this kiss to be, this all important first kiss.

I am told women place a great deal of importance on kissing. They probably enjoy it more than men. They read a lot into the kiss, attempting to glean meaning from the mashing of lips, the twirling of tongues. I can understand this, a kiss can be quite telling. One woman told me that from the first kiss she could tell what kind of lover her man would be. She said she knew if the love-making would be rushed, selfish on the man's part or if it would be passionate, slow, all-embracing, just from that first kiss.

I have approached the first kiss differently after our discussion. I respect it more. I respect a woman's interpretation, the significance of it. I don't think other men are so thoughtful. Now I try to plan it with as much care as I would the first date, focusing on what will make it the best kiss ever for her, instead of just something to get out of the way so we can move on to more mutually satisfying endeavors.
In a perfect world I will control everything about the first kiss: the location, the music playing in the background, all that came before, all that will follow. But I don't live in a perfect world. And I cannot control everything around me, so adaptability is crucial. I must adjust, trust my intuition and seize the moment when it arrives, carpe diem and all.
Passengers begin to board the bus; the moment is gone. I am confident a better moment will arise next time. Instead of a lost opportunity, I exit your car thinking, 'It will be like fireworks for both of us when we meet again.' And after all, isn't that really the point?

Mark Levin


No Intimacy? From Texting to No Phone Calls (Whats Going On)

Today’s society has so many different was to communicate; it can leave you frazzled and exhausted. Although we have it way easier now days, people lack of responding is becoming worse than ever. Not answering the phone or not responding to a text both that you hear loud and clear. I see people look at their phone when it rings then toss the phone aside without answering it as if the person calling was of no importance. It’s fine if it is really a person of no importance but many times it is an easy out to not talking. We let the phone go into voicemail and many times messages go left on heard. Voicemail is becoming a thing of the past. So much in the past that companies are actually thinking of taking voicemail off phone since no one really listen to their messages. We are leaning that it is quicker to text but it is so impersonal. Texting is okay to send a quick text to say hello or to ask a quick question but should not be used for a conversation. People in relationships are using it as a main source of communication. This is taking away the intimacy of hearing the person that you love voice. You should want to hear their voice not because you have to but because you want to. If you care you want to have a few words in the morning to start your day, or at night to send your partner off with sweet dreams. I have said this before when there were no cell phones people would call from their work phones daily to call and say “hi honey how is your day”? If they were people who worked outside they would make sure they would find of phone just to make sure they would touch base with their significant other. Now a day’s people are thrilled not to have to talk. They can pretend they didn’t have their phone on them, they just give you an excuse and we just have to buy it even though we don’t believe it because you don’t want to look psycho. Most troubling is that partners do it to one another, especially men. I have heard this over and over from mainly women how annoying it is to get the persons voicemail, or to text with no response. I tell everyone it takes literally seconds to text someone. There is no reason you can’t take the time to say hey, how are you. Is it because you don’t want to have to answer to anyone or start the back and forth texting which makes no sense to me. It would take minutes to have a short conversation and that would be the end of it. You should never be having a long conversation with texting. People do if from work when they are bored or into the person they are texting, although you can’t always pick up the phone at work and talk for a long period of time. It used to be so simple you had your home phone and an answering machine, so you know the person called or didn’t. Intimate conversations are becoming a thing of the past and all the technology that we are buying into is putting distance between people. So try to keep potential relationships or people you care about to phone calls and casual friends to texts. It’s okay to say a quick hello through text but don’t start to sexting and go into long texting without talking to the person occasionally. At least once a day you should take the time to show anyone of importance that you care. Don’t accept texting all the time you allow the pattern to form. If they care they will call. If they say they don’t like to talk that’s okay it takes seconds to say “hello how are you, love you…just wanted to hear your voice bye ____” whoever it is you’re calling. This goes from the person you love including your family members. I can’t stress enough to get away from that constant texting. We need to bring back intimacy. It’s scary to think how distant technology will take us. So we have to keep it in our lives, at least with the people we care about. Barbara Jeanne xo


When You Date Someone Selfish to Really Love & Give

So many times you are with a person that may love you but not be able to give any more than they do. The problem is that you’re feelings gets hurt but their charisma between the two of you in undeniable and you fall for it. Not that you sit and wait as you once did but every time they call you are all ears. You are excited and happy that they graced you with a call. They may say they miss you and want to see you and you get more excited but somehow if that time passes, it comes to be that they let you down once again. Why, the stability of their mood, the highs and lows. I was with a guy that we were together for five years and I was the one that he wanted to be with for always and forever. Yet when I was in the hospital there were many times that he was a no show. I knew he had it in him because when he was completely smitten with me he was there morning, noon and night. We had a dynamic connection, passion and yes love and he always said he had the want to see me. But it seemed the the longer we were together it was on his terms when he wanted to see me. First he couldn’t get enough of seeing me, then he said he needed he’s time and I completely understood by all means. He lived and hour away so it got to be on his days off from the police force. Three days, I still thought great and then it was down to two days. Still not bad until he became so involved with himself that he came first, second, and third. So why is this guy still calling wanting to see me? Telling me he wants to be with me, I would say because he is selfish. He wants someone around when he feels down and he’s self-esteem is wounded. He says I’m the person he wants to be with, but he can’t pull it off. There are so many people like this, you come second to everything. You will never be first and this type of person should not be in a relationship because all they do is break hearts and hurt feelings. He was married before and he had said this once to me “the first time you mess it up and the second time you get it right”. When I asked him what happened to those words he replied “I don’t know”. It’s heart breaking to the person that cares and after a certain point you have to break it off because a person that is very selfish in doing their own thing will never change. You will only get heart ache, heart break, tears and a come up empty handed with a person that cares only for themselves. They may care but not enough to pull it off for the long haul. What you have on your hands is a waste of energy, time and love, when you can find someone willing to give you the love that you need. Relationships have ups and downs but you can’t be the only one that really gives a crap. That is not a relationship. At this point if you find yourself in a situation like this bow out take the loss and move on. More importantly don’t look back these people rarely change. Barbara Jeanne xo


Stop the Bullying (It Could Be Your Child & Lives Are Being Lost)

I can’t stress enough or how important it is to stop bullying. It has been going on forever but it is now taking a turn where teenagers are taking their lives over this. Our government thinks it is more important to regulate how much soda we are drinking or how new mothers should breast feed their new born babies trying to take the choice from the beaming new mothers. Kids can be brutal in torturing kids and children follow instead of knowing its wrong and not to be a part of it. I know I was not brought up like this and picking on another never crossed my mind. I hate to say it but it comes from the upbringing and if you don’t know if your child may be a part of this activity, you need to take time to really find out. It would be a horrible thing to carry on your mind that your child might be the cause of another child taking their life.

From when I was in school teachers had their favorite students or teachers pets. This is teaching children it is okay to treat one child one way and another child differently. It flows over into the kids and it can last a childhood for some children. It seems this is a fad now and needs to be addressed and taken seriously. We need to be more active in our children’s lives. It is hard enough keeping up with the Jones with people income and not be able to have the finest or the most expensive as wear or gear as others. To not be as skinny or as pretty as we think we should be. Instead of being put down children need to be encouraged.

I know that I had two years that were not very fun. My nick name was BJ and we all know what that stands for. I also had braces and back then they weren’t so fun. My mother would always say, “You will be beautiful one day. You are a late bloomer and you’ll see in time”. Boy was my mom right. I grew into me, who I am today but the great thing that I can say I love about myself is I take pride in my inside knowing I am a kind loving person. I can say I feel it is more important to be beautiful on the inside as it is to be beautiful on the outside.

So in closing we need to take a stand. I remember when my daughter was in grade school I would protect the kids that were getting picked on. I would say to the kid doing the picking “you’re bigger than him but there will always be someone bigger than you, and if I see you picking on them again, there is always me”. I know, I know….but I can’t help myself sometimes. So we need to get active in our community and your child’s life. We need to see if they are getting picked on, or doing the picking and we need to put a stop to it. We need to save these children lives so they can live to see what the will be as adults. And we need to remember we are the adults. Barbara Jeanne xo


No Potty Mouth, Especially In Your Relationship!

We are so used to using words that aren't exactly nice that we carry them into our relationship. I am one not to curse to begin with. I guess the reason why may be because when I was in eighth grade I thought it was cool to curse. So I would curse around the kids in my neighborhood. One day a boy came up to me and said you are so pretty, you shouldn't be talking like that. It made such an impact on me that lasted my life. So it is something I have practiced from then on. In my research something I found was that men aren't thrilled with it as well. Men aren’t so thrill with having their ladies cursing. In a relationship when you get into a heated argument right away words come out that aren’t appropriate. Maybe a guy will call his woman a bitch and the girl will throw one right back. Believe it or not this is verbal abuse and neither the man nor woman should be talking like this. It is very inappropriate.  Woman need to remember in relationships many times we actually lead. Men mirror us woman. So if you bring cursing into the relationship it is your fault. If from the get go it is something that is not acceptable by you it will be something that should not come into play. A man should never talk to you like this.  Now if this is what you have practiced in your relationship, and he does come out with a nasty word you then can say “I don’t speak to you in this manner and I don’t expect it from you”. One time in my life in one of my long term relationship my boyfriend said f*** you, and I replied back, yea you do but I don't cum. He never said it again. That was the one and only time I was ever told a curse word in any of my relationships. I'm not saying walk around like an angel. You drop something on your toe you might scream out f*** or something might happen that gets you steamed, that is just rolls out. But don't practice using it especially on the person you are in a relationship with. Lastly it looks and sounds a little trashy. Just saying!  Barbara Jeanne xo