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Finding Love In All the Right Places (What's Right What's Wrong)

             We are a world of meeting online. Although so many polls and all the research say that a small percentage makes it. Why? Because I don’t think meeting online is the same as meeting in person. Anyone can be who they want, or more so they can me who you want. So you want a rich guy they can be that. A guy who wants a girl that is in shape and into fitness that is what you will get from the girl that you want. You will get an old picture of them and them telling you that they are on the way to the gym. I been doing research on this situation since the beginning of 2010 and I find so many people are not quite who they say.      

               So how do you know if they truly are interested in meeting?  And more importantly how can you see if they are interested in a relationship? Try to meet the person as soon as possible. If they are putting it off chances are something is up. Either they are just trolling the net. This means that they just see who they can talk to that evening and at times they have only one person which is you. By allowing them to talk over the internet is allowing them to get exactly what they want. What is that? Having an evening of great conversation because they might actually like you but they might have no intentions in meeting you. Because they are not who they say they are. So before you invest too much time into this online relationship, ask to meet. If they continue to make excuses it is time to move on and not waste your precious time.

                What is going on for many is that it is becoming an ordinary recreation to get online for the night. I even ask some of my friends what they are doing and they are too embarrassed to tell me they are scoping they net or are spending the night with someone they haven’t yet met. The thing is the online talking becomes an every night occurrence. You think you are getting to know this person but they may be talking too many. When you can get a hold of them it may not be your night of talking so they say they are doing something but I hear people say “he’s on line, he told me he was with his mom”, or whatever it may be for that night. So they get busted but they don’t care because either you forgive them every time. In some sense you really feel as if you are having a relationship with them. But you are not.

                  So what happens next? They visualize what is would be to have sex with you. This usually ends with a night of sexting or if you are now talking on the phone you are talking dirty and you both may climax together. So there you have it. A complete online relationship where you haven’t met but you are already are having phone sex, cam sex, Skype sex, or pic sex and then ending with sex text which is called sexting. Either way you are you have gone too far for not knowing or meeting this person. They can be a pornographer, a robber, a sex addict. More importantly than can be whatever it is you are looking for.

                    The best way to prevent an online meeting to go nowhere is to meet them in person shortly after you start talking to them. This way you can actually see if they are who they say and if you really do like them and that either of you are wasting your precious time. And if the person isn’t a 10, don’t throw away someone that has other qualities that you like. Especially that prior to meeting you liked everything about them. Yes you have to have chemistry but you might just fall in love with their personality. The way the treat you and how special they might make you feel. So don’t be so easy to disregard. We all have our flaws. If a person does not have their life together what so ever it is not fair to make someone think you do. Try keeping as honest as you can be. I don’t think they need to know everything about you in the beginning but there is no reason you need to be dragging another person into your mess. Get yourself together before you start to date or go on dating sites. You might find another person that you would like to know, but you’re still married. Even if you are getting divorce you should take time to heal. Then move forward ready to find love.

                 Okay let’s recap. First be honest. The person you are in pursuit with should get to know the real you. You can’t make a real relationship out of lies. Second see the person shortly after you meet. If you two live far away from one another then plan when a meeting can possibly be if the time keeps passing let it go. Why? You are already wasting time on someone that obviously has something to hide or isn’t ready to be in a relationship. Whatever their problem is that is not allowing you to meet the bottom line is you two are not meeting. Let it go. If they care they will come back when they are ready. Third is many people online are speaking to several people so you got to realize this and either accept it or find someone that is one on one. Some people enjoy just hanging online. They get their drink take a seat and get online. When they are tired and ready for bed they call it a night and get off.

                   The thing is as I researched that many people end their conversation with climaxing sexually which is fine we are all adults. But this is taking away from physical contact which is so important. Many people especially guys are actually fine with this because they have stimulating conversation, cum without spending a dime. I can understand that men cannot afford taking out a women once or twice a week. That would be a car payment and a car insurance payment. Ladies you wouldn’t want that so don’t feel that men can do this all the time. And I know what you ladies are thinking “then you need to find a man that can”. Which is fine, but wouldn’t it be so much nicer to find a person who you truly love that loves you back.

                    In closing online is great to pass the time away when you are bored but I think the best way to meet a person is in person. So take a night every couple weeks or once a month where you actually go out. Try to find a place that is suited to your liking. Such as if you like country music find a country bar. If you like to read maybe go to a library and take a seat and scope it out. You can meet a person anywhere if you leave your eyes and your heart open. Barbara Jeanne xo


Can't Seem to Find Mr. or Ms. Right, How to Have a Better Chance!

                 So we all say we can’t find a good man or woman but you got to think would you want to be with you? Are you girlfriend, boyfriend material? Are you marriage material? Are you ready to love someone unconditional? This means through the good times bad times, because this is where most couples tend to break. When the money flow slows down and the fun times aren’t going as well. It’s when the good times stop so does the loving and with this we seem to find all the faults of the other person. But then again when we are stress we tend to think about the situation and what we are going through and not our partner. We have got to think of what we are giving, what we are getting is it on the same page or close. And if the love is gone and you have tried I say keep going. This is unless you have a family then you give it all you got and if it still doesn’t work out then you got to keep going. We have one life to live. One life to be happy and doing so we have to open up our eyes and our hearts and not just see what we want to see, what we want to have but those that might give you the world and in doing so, you might just fall for someone that you wouldn’t think of. But lastly if you don’t think that you are ready to give, don’t drag another into your confusion of uncertainty. Be honest to yourself and the person you brought or allowed into your life, this way both parties have less chance of getting hurt, and it makes it easier to find the people that are on your page. In knowing that you both are on the same page that gives you a better start and a better chance of moving forward into what it is you are looking for. Barbara Jeanne xo


What's Going Wrong in Relationship? It's What You're Doing Wrong & Can Easily Be Fixed

          We need to look at the big picture of why we aren’t connecting and succeeding in a healthy, happy relationship.  We start out in the right direction, with the best of intentions but somehow we cannot pull the long term, or any term off. So what might we be doing wrong? First off I believe that we have become selfish with our time, lazy with what we are doing for our partner and we end up giving very little of ourselves. And what happens is you two come to just exist in the relationship. That is not what a relationship is. That is two people period. A relationship is where two people come together to learn about one another. In doing this, you want to have fun with them, enjoy good conversations and see what they are about. If you like what you get to know you go into the next phase. Which is growing closer by talking, touching, laughing, communicating, and if you feel this is someone you truly want to try to be with you start to put your heart into it. This is where things may be going wrong and maybe something we need to start to practice. Now that you think you may have someone worth going forward you have to put in your head and keep in mind that you are going to give your all to this relationship. That means you call them, text them, see them. You do know not stop doing these things once you feel a closeness is growing. This is when many guys bail leaving the girls to wonder where the f**k did they go. If at any time you have a change of heart, you need to let the person know because at this point there are probably stronger feelings. If you aren’t feeling them gently let them go. And don’t keep them on a leash by calling them. So in closing, if you plan to be in a relationship, plan to do the things to carry a healthy relationship. We do know what they are, we just don’t do them. And if you don’t know please do read my book. But if you are done with the relationship you need to stop, this means just come out and tell this person that you are seeing what’s going on before too many feelings and emotions come into play and people get hurt, which is going to happen anyway by now and usually it is the person that is being let go. But you do own them closure. It helps them be able to move on. Barbara Jeanne xo


Times Have Changed..We Need to Hold On to What We Got!

Many families are going through tough times. Some are working harder and making less money due to layoffs, job shortage and the rise in the economy. Although people don’t seem to be holding back on their spending it can make it a bit tougher on a couple’s relationships. Many men are working two jobs or overtime and moms are now out working for the first time. Although that may help the family’s financial situation it leaves less time to spend with the children and her man. Many times the women tends to the children first and leaving the man feeling he’s getting the short end of the stick. Women are too tired to notice that her man feels left out or in need of attention. But men have to know just as when you are working you can’t think of everything. Sometimes you’re just dead tired and all you are thinking is that you can’t wait to hit the bed. The problem with this situation is that men aren’t verbal and women will think what the hell is wrong with him. I’m the one that’s breaking my back, working, kids, cooking, cleaning and the list goes on. So men if you are in need of a little bit of attention you need to speak up and women need to take the time to listen if you care. First off women are physical, so hug her for nothing but a hug while she’s making dinner. Ask her how her day was and listen with all ears and rub her back gently while she’s making the kids lunch. She will be grateful and hopefully you will get your much needed tender loving care. You need to separate financial fighting it is a good way of ruining your relationship. Women have to know men need love, and don’t think they are being babies and should be acting like a grown man. You don’t like being ignored and either do they. Women you as well need to make it a point to show your man you care. Take time as well to see how they are doing, men are visual and love the scent of a woman. Throw on something cute and spray a little soft perfume. I am sure that I don’t need to tell you what needs to be done at this point. If so you need more than this one article. Barbara Jeanne xo


On line Meeting Versus In Person; How to Make Progress Either Way (Series Part 3)

                      To continue in my series of articles to get people to connect either being single or married I truly believe there is a process that we are missing in finding or holding on to a good relationship. It seems as though it needs to be taught to many people that may have forgotten or never learned. In the pool of fishing we are not treating people with dignity. We want to talk dirty before you even meet. You know this is not normal. Even if you are grown adults you should not be talking to a lady saying you want to lick her, eat her to do anything else but take her on a nice date. And ladies come on treat yourself as you should be treated, like a lady. Sexting at any age can be fun if you have some sort of relationship going. This means that you have met the person at least…once. I know now a day’s people grow very close to people they meet on line. But as you watched that show Catfish on MTV or the documentary that came out in 2010. I took time and did my homework and spoke to someone from MTV and they confirmed the show was legit. They did take the cases that they thought were more outrageous, but they are real. I think everyone that goes on line thinking they will meet their soul mate should watch this show. I am not saying you can never meet someone one line. I am saying that the chances of meeting that always and forever person on line are a bit lower than if you meet in person. Only because you see right them right there what you are getting. If you like what you see you have the opportunity to talk to one another. And yes they can still tell the person a crock of bullshit but you will at least know if you have chemistry. If you like the person you can now take it to the next level and ask them out. On line you can waste your precious time talking to someone for days, months or longer and get romantic and you may be serious but the person on the other side may be married and as long as they can keep you going they do it. That’s why I say if you seriously like someone meet sooner than later. If you can’t because you live further away, you should plan a date and if the date comes and goes and you don’t meet, it should put up a red flag. If you are talking to someone that you care for you would be so excited to meet. So if there is always some reason why they just can’t meet, there just might be a reason. I am a strong believer that you should meet in person than on line. That is why I am going to start to offer meet and greets so that people can meet the old fashion way, in person. Where, if you like the person you meet you can steal a little kiss and from there the excitement starts. I absolutely agree that there should be monogamy until a commitment but in person you can flirt and it comes across how it is meant how it feels. On line you may say something and then sit there for the next day thinking “maybe I shouldn’t have said that”. Uncertain if you don’t hear from them and you never met them and you don’t see them it seems to leave you guessing a lot in your head. Guessing is such a horrible feeling that uncertainty, to be unsure. When you are able to ask the person can I see you to actually talk makes having a relationship a whole lot easier. Morals and manners going both ways are very important. No pouty mouth. You want to be treated with respect. If you show little respect for yourself then that is how you will be treated. If you do meet and then you seem the other stops calling or losses interest that means they did not dig what they saw. Do not continue to push, they will see you when they are horny and you will become a booty call. Hold yourself with dignity and class and do not press the fact of keeping up the relationship when you know clearly that they are not interested. If you date a person and things are going well but yet you see them on line all the time surfing the net, that is fine but if you were thinking more that you two had a connection and you two were moving forward with a relationship. Clearly they aren’t, so at this point you got to tell them straight up I am not interested in someone still searching for another. Don’t give them an ultimatum ever. You never want to beg anyone to be with you. They have to want to do it on their own. So either way in person or on line the terms are both the same you want to be the one and only. Next up, how to get the want to be the one and only, as well as how to keep the want when you’re married and bored. Barbara Jeanne xo