Love...Is it What You Always Expected

          Since 2007 I started writing and having my articles published in various magazines. I have studied relationships since I was a little girl. It fascinated me to try and figure out why 2 people would connect. I realized that it had to do with development of their body, especially a girl. As well as how pretty you were as a girl, and how cute you were as a boy. I remember a friend of mine that developed over the winter and by summer all the boys at our swim club liked her. When the year prior they thought she was a pest. So I learned boys liked boobies and how pretty you are. I didn’t feel pretty and I sure didn’t have boobies.

           But then things took a turn from that thought. I had my first boyfriend. We hung out all the time and if we weren’t together we were on the phone. We were pretty much inseparable. Although I didn’t have boobies I did have a kick ass body. My years of doing gymnastics and good genes I guess helped big time. But I wasn’t confident about feeling too pretty. All I had was my mom saying “you’ll see one day you will be so pretty” She would say that all the time. But it seem as though I was waiting for a long time for feeling the sense of being pretty. Oh and I figured out it turns out it’s not all about boobies. And that’s good because mine didn’t seem to be growing. I did have a kick ass personality though. I was funny as hell and the one that kept everyone entertained and laughing.

            Let’s keep it moving on with my research of why 2 people get together. I hope things that I learned and pass on to you will help you someday. Moving on…One day I was outside of my house hanging out and I used the F word when a boy from my neighborhood came up to me and said “you are way to pretty to talk like that”. I’m pretty, someone said I was pretty. So I knew that my mom was right, no cursing. And did he say I was pretty? Wow that was the first time I heard that and I was in 7^th grade. So I always use that rule since then no cursing, or try not to at least. I also found during the years, that if you don’t curse especially to the person you are in a relationship with, they usually won’t curse to you. A guy that I was in a long term relationship was the first and only one to say f**k you to me and I simply replied “yeah you do but I don’t come. Period! The end came for us shortly after.

               So I realized so far that it’s not all about the looks although important. You had to have a connection physically and mentally as well. And you don’t necessarily need boobies. But as I hit high school all that seem to change. I came from a small catholic school that there really weren’t groups. But I soon learned the high school rules. That people liked each other for the status of who they hung out with and popularity. This one we have known for years. But you don’t always know until you get there. But I find that sometimes two people in different boxes collide and it somehow seems to work. And who am I? I consider myself an out of the box type of gal.

                When I went to college I became this wild child. My mother still shakes her head every now and then. But by now not too much surprises her. What we are taught at home is very important and very valuable. This is how we learn to treat our partner as well as the type of partner will we choose. It shows us how to conduct ourselves in a relationship. What we see and learn we will mimic. How we are brought up will have a big impact on which direction we choose in life, as well as whom we will choose in life. It will have an effect in the type of person we will attract and be attracted to. As you get into a more serious relationship it will make or break the length of time of your relationships. You will notice that some people are always in relationship and other that seem to always be single. If you feel you would change things in your life as you grew up. Make an effort to do so when you have children.               

                What is my goal? I hope to get people to understand why we make silly decision that we do. I want you to realize that many of our choices can break a relationship that could have gone the long haul. Why would we rather sit on a computer for hours talking to a person where you can only see words and imagine a face? Why do we always imagine the person on the other side of the computer to be hot, handsome, sexy etc.? Is it that what we are hoping. Or do we imagine that so we get a rise, if you know what I mean. It seems so easy to talk on the computer. In fact it seems that those relationships last longer than the ones we have in person. Is it because our mind lets us imagine the person to be exactly who we want. Do we truly think that the person on the other side of the computer is exactly who they say they are with the pics they post? Or could those pics be of someone else, or from long ago. Guys did you ever think that you could be talking to a dude.

                   Guys have to stop using girls when they are in need of intimacy and girls have to stop thinking a prince is coming. Guys and girls should be happy to find a good loving person that cares for us and will be there through thick and thin. It’s almost as people use each other for having fun but not to have a real relationship. People should not settle for this. If we stop running over and stop accepting a half ass relationship or whatever it is you have going on. We should only expect and accept the real deal. Maybe just maybe we have a good chance of getting the real thing, a good loving relationship. Love, Barbara Jeanne xo