In my series of articles to teach people how to find love, keep love and heal relationships on the verge of breaking up. We have to heal our mind, hearts and souls from any pain we may have endured from the past. This is anything that may have hurt you mentally, physically or emotionally. Any short comings that you may have had growing up with. Anything that may have not been the healthiest situations. First off I want to remind everyone how important it is to carry good values in your home. For many reasons, one being that you would hope that your children go into healthy relationships when their time arrives. To have loyalty, laughter, joy, care, kindness, manners and to always have each other’s back at all times. And most of all of course love. This is one of the biggest problems in today’s society. That we are not getting it many times at home or with the friends we meet because many of our friends aren’t learning it as well. I am not saying that you aren't showing your children love. But if you have cheating in the family, yelling or evrything you know might be wrong it is not a good situation for children to hear. Many of us come from broken homes so we miss the partnership of two people working out problems. We miss out in having our mother and father showing tender loving care to one another. All these situations are what help to make a good relationship. If you can’t be loyal with your partner how is it going to impress your children to do this down the line when it’s their time to love? No matter if it is a friend; any type of relationship needs certain values to strive. So what is it that we need? We need to learn how to love. It is easy to say you love a person but to show you love them with all your heart and mean it from the bottom of your heart is hard to find. We need to start with everyday people and show each person including strangers that you care and help those that are in need. After learning to do so you will be able to take the next step which is to care about those that you truly do want in your life. We take love and people for granted. Almost as if it is not this person it’s another one. That type of love won’t do. We want the love you can feel. That unconditional love that this person your partner will be there through happy times as well as crappy times. That we really may want to throw in the towel but we don’t because we fight for the person we love. People are not numbers nor are we disposable. We need to learn people have hearts that break and eyes that cry. If we can take the time to create happy memories as well as growing in the same direction we can make those lasting memories survive. By doing this it is building that union to make the always and forever. Remember most of all it is not greener on the other side. It is almost always bullshit. So after years together and when you think your life has become boring is when you need to look back and reflect on the good times. If you have those memories in a projector, tapes, a cd wherever they might be watch them. Those home movies will show you all those special moments on how, why and what made you get to where you are now. In every new relationship you start building memories by the little things that you do together. It might be that kiss that took you by surprise. The stroll you took together holding hands and how you both felt your hands fit so perfectly. These are the thoughts you need to hold near and dear to your heart as your relationship grows. Don’t play with people’s heart or emotions. If it is not right don’t drag them into a pool of heartache until you find someone that you like. Learn to love yourself that is more important. When you love yourself it makes it easier to love another and more importantly to find true love. Barbara Jeanne xo
People so desperately want to be in love by why are people having such a hard time to connect? Is it that people think something better could be out there? Although they may meet someone that is a perfect match for them they may think there might be someone better out there so they continue to search. Search and search for what? What is it that they are looking for? Is it they are looking or are they are addicted to the search? I find that people are having online relationships. Sometimes this is with one person sometimes with many. You may feel like you are actually in a relationship as day’s weeks maybe months goes by. You two may get closer when you decide to meet. When you finally meet they are not what you thought. At this point you back up quickly while this person you have made a relationship with is full speed ahead. They press to meet and you keep making excuses. But you seem to call them when you are bored or if you got intimate as a booty call. So this person unknowingly is placed in the booty call list. Instead of doing this have the decency to explain that there wasn’t a connection on your part and wish them well. For two reasons one is being the right thing to do and two you can move on without them asking what’s going on between the two of you. So if we are on the hunt to find the perfect mate or it seems to be just to have fun maybe people aren’t looking for their soul mate but someone to comfort them for right now. So if we aren’t looking for the always and forever does this mean that maybe people have stopped believing in it and are just having fun. And when the fun stops with one person they move on or even better maybe people are having fun with several people at the same time. How sad to think that love is lost because our thought process is that no relationship can make it to always and forever. But what if instead of giving up on the forever love we learn how to love someone for the long haul. In doing so we might find true, real, lasting love. The love that makes you want to have them by your side when you’re old and grey. Grow old having built many memories together. Some memories may be bad but you will also have many amazing memories as well. This brings substance in your life as well as stability and nothing feels better than being loved, really loved. Those undying loves that love that you can’t live without you love. If you have forgotten how it feels you are in dire need of real love. Maybe it’s time to stop playing games and start to look for the real thing. Barbara Jeanne xo
Looking for Love & Don't Want to Be Alone but When You Find It, You Push It Away, Why? (And the Benefits of Love)
s it is an epidemic of people telling me daily that they are so lonely. They are tired of being alone and are so desperately in search of finding a significant other. But I feel as if we are going about it the wrong way. If we are in search of someone to love then why is 70% of the population still single. This is from statistics that recently came out leaving only 30% in a relationship. So if so many people are asking me to be fixed up, so many people that are saying they want someone to come home to and snuggle up with. Why is there such a big gap for those in relationships and those that are not? We want to be in a relationship but once we achieved meeting someone, it seems many times we find a flaw in what and who you thought they were. Maybe it’s not them maybe some people have been single so long it’s hard to adapt to having to answer to someone. Having thinking alone without someone putting their input in could be challenging and when you think one way and your honey may have a different option. Your no longer can just do what you want you now have someone to answer to. And after you have been alone and single you have become bachelors and bachelorettes. So how can we adjust our behavior to adapt to the benefits waving out to the plus that we would receive? Because it sure is pretty nice to know that someone truly cares for you. It’s nice that they will be there when you get home. How great would it be that someone can become a part of your life that you can share your day with or more importantly to enjoy life with? This person can become your best friend, your better half the person you can grow old with. All you have to do is open your life to having another fit in. Once you learn two heads are better than one. As well as two of hearts that beat as one can turn into a beautiful romance. Stop being so picky finding flaws to make the situation with a person not work. Yes it might have been you alone for a while, maybe you’ve been hurt but you’ll continue to get in bed alone and keep moaning you want someone to share your life with if you don’t allow being loved or to love. Barbara Jeanne xo
Pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the pool. She'll scream and fight you, but secretly, she'll love it. Hold her hand while you talk. Hold her hand when you drive. Just hold her hand. Tell her she looks pretty. Look her in the eyes when you talk to her. Protect her. Tell her stupid jokes. Tickle her, even when she says stop. When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Get her mad, then kiss her. Tease her and let her tease you back. Kiss her on the cheek. Kiss her on the forehead. Just kiss her. Let her wear your clothes. Go slow. Don't push anything. When you fall in love with her, tell her.
A new year is upon us and what has changed since last year? Well let’s say that will be up to each and every one of us. One thing that hasn’t changed is that people want to find another. But what they truly want to find I’m not sure. Is it love, a relationship or is it just sex? What they want to find in another is very questionable and I hear it daily. Why do I say that? For one the ratio of singles to relationships is 70% to 30%. That being there is a lot of single people out there. Although there are many dating and social sites out there, what is it we are really looking for from people? Let’s make it the year to be brutally honest. I have seen so many broken hearts last year thinking that they found love only to be hurt. The hurt comes from a person truly investing time in someone saying they are looking to be loved. But they either aren’t being honest, can’t or don’t want to commit or they are playing with people’s emotions. Sometimes so easily they don’t even realize, or maybe they do which makes them suck as a person. There can’t be a relationship police to go around and tell everyone off that is deceiving people. There can be someone that shows you how to be aware of the red flags and that is where I come in. This year I am going to teach people when to walk away before you invest too many feeling and too much time. When you see one red flag that is the warning sign to walk away, yes I would say tough love but put it this way. If a person is interested they will be there for you front and center. They don’t come around one day I’m here and the next you are waiting to hear from them. Nor would you have a relationship where they disappear and you are wondering where they went and puff oh here they are again because they either didn’t find someone else or they need a fill in until they find the next. Do not allow to be played with and if you are not sure listen to what I have to say and you will first off learn the signs to run and second learn to find the people that are ready for love. You can find love but you need to have the tools to know when it’s real and when it’s not. And I will give you the tools to find and achieve a real healthy happy relationship. Barbara Jeanne xo