Tips To Finding & Keeping Love For the Long Haul

                    Love makes you feel absolutely fabulous. But why is it now days it seems as more people are heartbroken than in love and happy? I hear it ever day almost all day. So to me this seems like it is somewhat of a big problem. If so can we fix it somehow or do we just say “it is what it is” and let it be? I can’t I am the kind of girl that believes in love, in Cinderella, in the happy fairytale ending. But does it even exist? I believe we make each relationship exactly how we want it if you choose the right partner. This person has to want to be there and it is right from the get go. No drama, it’s smooth and fits right from the beginning. As you grow together it is a feeling of contentment. Not a relationship you are unsure, insecure and feel unloved. Now this seems to be the tricky part to find the right fit, the right person. Most people seem to pick the wrong person from the get go. From there we tend to waste too much of our precious time. It seems like we have forgotten how to truly love. We either have the people who seem to be too selfish to love anyone else because they are always thinking of themselves first. Then we have the other half that loves so very hard they give all of themselves completely. There are a few that can balance their relationship enough and be able to give and take. These few seem to be the ones that seem to make it as a couple. So we know that you have to give and take to be successful. We have to know that it can’t be even all the time. Some days one is stronger and takes more and so goes for giving or needing. But for all those who won’t budge but say they can’t find love do they really want love? I mean there are millions of people looking for love but everyone says the same thing where are all the good ones? Are we all looking for love in all the wrong places, such as online? We actually thought we could meet our better half online.  Can we no longer take these dating sites seriously to really find our always and forever? Do we have to go back to the old fashion way of meeting in person? Well over the internet you can be who you want to be and many people waste other people’s time when they have no intensions of meeting. Why? Could it be that they are content in having someone to talk the night away and then call it a night. They don’t have to spend money and they had an enjoyable evening talking with a person they desired for the evening. So if that is one thing that is making a problem how can we stop this? First off when you meet a person on line, meet shortly after. This way you know if they are serious as well as if you even like one another before investing too much time in one person. I was online for about 4 months in 2010, it was the first time I was single since high school and I went on Plenty of Fish. I wanted to do some research while I could date at the same time. I found a few nice people. But most of the people had drama at home, or some kind of relationship problem. I’m not saying that they weren’t nice. The ones that are ready and settled usually are the ones that seem to end up in the friend zone.  Second I made dates right away. I actually was making two a day until I got pooped out. I actually was so tired by the fourth month that I called it a day and met someone in person. So how can we get more in sync to try and fix this problem of give and take? We have to watch for red flags. Watch for signs if the person wants a relationship or wants sex. And we have to love. Love an unselfish love. If you know you don’t love them with the right intensions don’t drag a relationship out for years, let it go. That is a major problem, we hold on to a relationship as if we won’t find another. We also have to love ourselves enough to be okay if you are alone. I know there are a lot of nice guys that get passed up, so for you gentlemen never ever change a thing about you. You are a prize. And for you ladies; maybe that saying I heard before has something to it. Let the people you love such as friends be your soul mates and let guys be something to have fun with. Well I would say until you find the right one. Because you can’t or don’t want to marry or have sex with your friends, unless you are a little freaky like that. Most importantly do remember you can’t marry your friends, so especially you ladies. Those nights when at the last moment you get a phone call from a guy you really like and he says to you “dinner tonight”? Say “absolutely”!  You have to understand when your friend says the same to you. I am by no means say always accept a last minute date but if you are crazy about someone and they finally call for a date, go. It makes you look like you are an easy going cool type person. That you can be cool enough to not bitch talk them “where have you been…why haven’t you called. Blah blah blah, no one wants to hear you moan. If that is the case just say no and don’t go. If someone stands you up or blows you off all the time then they are wrong and you should say no because this person is not truly interested. People truly interested are in pursuit and do everything to get to you. That is the problem with online dating people become serial daters. Leaving you confused thinking what happened you had such a great date. You may have but they have so many other people to date from online. This is a person you just don’t take seriously. How do you find out, ask? But do not drill them. Remember actions speak louder than words, so go by their actions. You never know you may be the person that will make them want to stop from dating others. They might really like you. So see how it goes and play it by ear. If they are treating you right you will get often text’s and calls. And they will be excited to see you as well. Don’t be so uptight. Try to be less selfish and give more. Be fun, be spontaneous this draws people to you. When you give off good energy and become more positive you might just find love. With these useful tips and using them for the long haul it might not just bring you love but a healthy lasting relationship. Barbara Jeanne xo