Unhappy But Still There...Is This It, Or Is There Hope

The answer to this question is you. So many people I talk to are very unhappy in their relationship, for one reason or another, but still stay. Going through the motions each day but not feeling anything but unhappinest and resentment for being in their situation. This is no way to live, so lets see if we can find a solution to change it. Every relationship is different so I cannot pin point what is going wrong. I can give some helpful tips that may be able to bring comfort and relief to the situation. You first need to look at your situation and feel or try to remember...you probally already know this...but where things went wrong. Was it how one treated another, or both treating one another inappropiately. Could you of had differences with a problem that may have occured, with family, children, or any other reason. May it have been someone or both people changed completely.  Either way, you can go to the next person and I can almost guarantee you will be in the same or similar situation. Relationships are work, from the beginning until the end. To repair a relationship that is almost non existing is hard but you can achieve it. If you loved this person at one time can you see anything that brings those memories back. If you have children it is worth the effort.  I can tell you from experience, I got married at a very young age, then thigs turned bad, but being more mature I feel I could of worked things out .Not only because we had a child together, we had so many memories that we have built already. We parted on not the best of terms, at this point all I could think of was all our bad times. As time goes by, you tend to think of more of the good times. I know people that didn't put any effort when they could of or should of. They let their relationship go, to find out that they feel they are more miserable, they stay stagnant and are not able to go into a new relationships because they cannot let go of the past. Meaning that what they had was more substantial to them, then they thought it would be. So the go on hurt and alone. This is both men and woman I counseled. I tell some men I counsel, they try to keep themselves so busy making it impossible to get into another relationship. Woman tend to go into another relationship and not soul search what really went wrong. So, is you relatopnship worth saving, that is the question you need to ask. Don't sit everyday with a relationship where you are hating yourelf the realtionship and the person you are with. Do something. at least communicate with your partner. Do you still love each other, step one. Step two, are you willing to say you both did wrong and be able to forgive. Step three, bring out photos, talk about the fun times. Go to dinner or make a romantic setting, continue talking about the fond memories, period. If you start to go in the wrong direction..stop...and say let us not o there. This is a time for healing our relationship. Reenact something you did fun, it won't be exactly the same but go with a clear head. Next talk about what went wrong and are you willing to give it an honest effort. When doing this, don't get mad, going over the hurtful incidents, be prepared to start getting past the hurt. Listen to what your partner has to say, even if you don not want or like what is being said. Last make love with an open excitement. like you want to be touch. You want to have that closeness. It may not be as fast as I am writing on this paper but if you take steps, even baby steps and want the relationship to work. Good chance it will. xo Barbara Jeanne