Pleasing Your Mate Simple & How!

When we start a relationship, we tend to be on our best behavior, which is good. Things tend to change as time goes by. We stop dressing as we did; maybe our manners slack a bit. Men may become lazy when it comes to us women and woman start to become more demanding. Then it seems to snow ball, in the way that both genders are not really fun to be with. Leaving us wondering if we really want to be with this person, and in most cases the relationship slowly fades. If the relationship has been going for a while, it takes longer and the nastiness sets in. First off, yes relationships do change but we hope for the better, to grow in a positive direction. If that does not happen, that’s where things go bad and it may end. I am not saying a relationship doesn’t have its ups and down, that is totally normal. I mean the meanness that comes out when we get disappointed in the relationship we have, that is not going our way. There is a solution, first off men stop being lazy, because you can be. It makes us women feel neglected and unloved. It makes women feel nice when you take time to ask how we are, open the door, hugs us like you never want to let go. Even a hug when you walk through the door would be nice. Oh yes men we woman like to be romanced, even if you are not in the mood, it takes seconds. How, seconds? “I missed you today”. Here is another one “I know I don’t say this enough but you are everything to me”. That is simple romance and it takes seconds. Women should do the same to her man. When you know he had a hard day, rub his shoulders, or even better give him the night off to just be him. No nagging no asking. He will appreciate it more than you know. These are just a few ways to keep a relationship to continue to go smoothly. You men will have is a content woman and women you will have happy campers as well in your men. Just that fact that we know that you men care, melts are hearts. So it has that snow ball effect, it makes us woman want to do for you men. So if you are keeping us happy we keep you happy. There are the people that can't be please, in this case that is a decision you have to make, by weighing the pros and cons. One last thing, it is important that you do take care of yourself. Men love you totally for your heart. Men want to feel like they are not judged and can laugh with the woman they are with. A best friend, that they can tell you anything and we woman would not make fun of them. Men are also very visual, did you ever here the saying. I like what I see? Men love to see pretty things that includes seeing you has a happy sweet person, makes him see you beautiful, not just by how you look but by how you act. The honest truth is that men like to see a woman taking care of themself and I don’t mean picture perfect. Men don't see flaws like woman do. Did your man ever say, she's pretty and you say what are you crazy, lol. Once again men do not see all the flaws! Men you’re included, stop wearing last year’s finest and clean yourself up. I don’t, want to be blunt or step on toes, just want to keep it real...both genders, you know how you are supposed to act. You know you should take care of yourself, and treat you spouse or honey with tender loving care. If you both took those three words seriously we would have so many less relationship problems. I’m not sending a news flash. Just a wakeup call! XO Barbara Jeanne

If Your Significant Other Is Being Shady!

 Sometimes your significant other is not quite acting themselves towards you and it leaves you thinking what is going on. You may think are they cheating, did they meet someone on line, or maybe they are not in love with me anymore. Your mind can take off leaving you determined to find out answers as you now become a little detective. You start snooping through their things. The phone is the biggest one, checking for numbers, texts and pictures. You look for anything that might help your case along. Next we might go for their lap top and check all their sites. If they are smart enough they will hide it well enough to not get caught. I do have to say a fact. Girls are better at sneaking then guys. Guys get caught quicker than worth the effort of doing something wrong but they give it a run anyway. Men this is if you, if you don’t want to lose what you have. Girls seem to hide it very well until subconsciously they want to get caught. That is unless they are not together than they may get caught a lot quicker than most women. I am not saying guys always get caught, nothing is ever 100% in any situation remember that. In your gut you know something is wrong but it would be easy if you could just ask your partner “hey are you doing something shady” and they would be honest with you and say “oh yes I am. It doesn’t work that easy. So let me break it down for you. You can be that person that is overly sensitive, or have trust issues. Do make sure that this is not the case before you accuse and start something that isn’t which may eventually end up in a break up. If you continue to accuse and you are wrong it will end and not good in your behalf. If you feel like you are right and just can’t shake it and the signs are there. Then ask, if you get the typical no and if you still don’t believe it, there are two choices. You can call it quits and end your relationship, or give it time and see the outcome. Everything always comes out eventually. Most counselors would say if you have trust issues and you believe something is wrong leave. I believe if they are worth seeing what is going on, especially if you are married or in a long term relationship check it out. How? If you truly feel it in your heart then see how many times their phone or texts goes off. Do they keep their phone by them at all times? Do they change their pass words and you don’t know them? Are they talking to the opposite sex on line? If they don’t know them they should not be talking to them in extreme. Are they on the computer after you go to bed? Going out of the room to talk on the phone and they are becoming more distant. Do a little research. If you still feel like something is not right but you cannot figure it out. Nip it in the butt. Tell them to cut it out. There is no need to be talking to the opposite sex in extreme that is a relationship. Calling people that are strangers or new people they have met (or not met) while being in a relationship with you is a form of cheating. You will not put up with it, period. If they do not honor your wishes, I hate to say this but at this time they do not care. This person that they are putting you on the line for is more important to them than you so let them go. It hurts but it is hurting you as well for what they are doing and how they are treating you. If it helps make a journal every time they do something shady. Why? So when they act like you are crazy and they will, you can look back and know “Nope you are sane”. Barbara Jeanne xo

No Need To Wait For Love

For many decades it has been the man that worked and the woman that would stay at home to tend to the children. Even if she did get to go to college once she was married it was all mommy and house wife from there on in. As the years have gone by many women are no longer happy with this role and are now furthering their education to be basically anything they want to be. All the dreams that we had as a child are actually coming out to be true. The only problem with both genders in full careers it is putting marriage on hold. At time is gets postponed so many years that we now have lifetime bachelors and bachelorettes. This is not a bad thing but it is pushing off marriage to a much later date and having children at a much later age. Having my daughter at a very young age I had much energy to play with her and really enjoyed her with full energy. This is a choice I chose. I had the best of both worlds, college, marriage and a baby. I was young but I seemed to want it and I fell I handled it as mature as a young mom could have. But I think at any age being a mom will always be a new and exciting experience. What’s my point? Although it feels fabulous having a career and the financial benefit that comes with it, which is also independence. I feel we need to balance out having a career and a relationship. Why is it we have to put anything on the back burner to achieve one? A relationship is one of the most rewarding and boosting experience you can feel. Why would we want to put it off? Why can’t we have it all? I know I did it. I had my career, my child and a great relationship and none lacked. So no one should feel like they need to put love, a child or career off for a later date. Live life as it supposed to be to its fullest and sometime that brings the most wonderful surprises. Barbara Jeanne xo

Breaking Up Gracefully

Breaking up is always a hard thing to do especially if you care about the person but somehow you just lost that loving feeling. Now days there are so many forms of breaking up. You can IM them, E Mail them or even text them but are any of these really the right way to go about it.

Some people think 2 dates is dating others feel 20 is not yet in a relationship. This is why it’s important to be on the same page. If it is someone that you met on line and don’t have much of a relationship you can let it fade out and they will get the message. Although in that case I guess it’s just as easy to send a quick message via internet saying I’ve moved on. It’s always nice to be kind.

 If you have gone on one or two or three dates, not calling is breaking up, but after some kind of romantic and sexual encounters, it is a courtesy to call. You would expect the same, especially if you liked the person. Just to give them the courtesy of asking why, or any questions they might have for you dumping them. Sometimes it's easier not to call, and there are people, who will just run away. They just want to leave it behind. Is it the right thing to do no, but people do it and stop to think later “that wasn’t so nice”.

People have Internet relations for a long time and then elevate to phone calls. Sometimes it takes a long time for a face-to-face encounter. This can be problematic, because people get very involved with each other and then when they finally meet, there are so many other cues that indicate they're not suited for one another.

People will go out with someone they met on a dating site, and then you can see that person you went out with or even are having some sort of a relationship with surfing the Net and looking for someone else. This not only hurts your feelings, you can say blah, blah, blah but they will give you an excuse and continue. That is one of the problems of internet dating. It’s almost you see me and you see me not. This is far less subtle than, say, acting cold on a date or not calling when you said you would. Although they hurt just as well.

Social networking sites, such as Facebook or Google +, allows users to post comments on one another's pages, but they should never be used to end a romantic relationship. If it's a casual encounter, a text message is OK. But to my mind, it's better to call and speak or go out to dinner if you have been dating or even if it is just a sexual relationship. Now if it is a relationship that was serious allow them to ask question, give them time to soak it in and be gentle in your tone of voice. Remember if it was a more serious relationship deep feelings came into play, so give them the respect that they deserve, that they were someone special to you and you still care.

Tell them why, don’t let them walk away guessing at the break up date, they might not have all the questions they want to ask. But the big one I am sure is “why”? Why are you breaking up with me and why don’t you love me anymore. Is it okay to lie no but if you don’t want to hurt their feeling I would say, it’s better to lie than to put them down with all their short comings. Then this person you are trying to dump will go into a spiel on how they can change and now you’re getting into deep.

It’s best to keep it short to the point and do not give them hope to get back together. If you know for a while and you start not to call them or see them as much, don’t do this. It’s wrong; this is hurting the person more. Do the right thing. As soon as you know get it over with, so you don’t draw out the hurt feelings and you both can try to let it go and move on. Be as direct and honest as you can. Don't engage in tit-for-tat arguments. Stick to the facts: It's not working, it's no one's fault, and we need to make a change.

Don’t say we can stay friends, or I’ll talk to you tomorrow. That leaves room for hope. Maybe in the distant future you two can be friends but for now try to go cold turkey and don’t fall for the person that was dumped thinking up reasons to call. As well as the person being dumped, don’t stalk or call for random reason, it will prolong the healing process. Give it a month or two before trying the friend thing.

Last, learn from each relationship, think of the things you liked and the things you do not want in your next relationship. Don’t stalk or keep thinking what if. Keep yourself busy with friends and activities. If you need to have your cry and then pick yourself up and let it go. Don’t beat yourself up for what was. Yes it hurts like hell but always remember you lived without them before you met and you will make it after. Barbara Jeanne xo

3 Steps To Stop A Man From Withdrawing

When a man becomes distant, sometimes the way a woman communicates her feelings to him makes him want to withdraw even more.  But if you know these three steps, you can turn this into an opportunity to connect with him and make him want to come even closer to you.

It's finally happening: you met a man you're compatible with, you really like him, and the feeling is mutual.  He's showering you with attention, making plans to see you, making time to call you, and generally letting you know that he's so happy to have found you.

Then something happens.  Out of the blue, he pulls back from you.  Maybe he doesn't mention seeing you this weekend, or he gets off the phone a little earlier than usual.  Or maybe he's not being as affectionate. You sense a shift in the way he is with you, and it doesn't feel good.  In fact, it's downright scary.

As a woman, our first instinct is to try to fix the situation by getting closer to him.  We'll ask him what's wrong, call him, and start worrying.  But this can actually push a man further away because he'll feel coerced. 

The real secret to making sure his distance is only temporary is to let go of your efforts to bring him close.  This seems counter-intuitive and frightening, since it feels like you might lose him.  But that's entirely not the case. 

Here's how to give him the space he needs while handling your own vulnerable feelings so that he'll naturally want to come close all by himself.

STEP 1: STAY CENTERED BY REALIZING IT'S NATURAL FOR A MAN TO PULL BACK

Drifting away is completely natural for a man, even if he's in love with you.  Falling in love can make him feel vulnerable, so he'll try to pull back in order to not lose himself.  He'll come in and go out - like a rubber band - while he works out his feelings and digs deeper to find his ability to go the distance in a real relationship.  Meanwhile, he's also making sure he "holds on" to his sense of self, his life, and his independence. 

So, the first thing to do when this happens with the man you're with is to remind yourself that it's completely normal.  If he's the right man for you, these periods will significantly shorten over time, even though he'll still need his "space" every once in a while. 

After 20 years of marriage, there are still moments when my husband gets a little distant from me.  The difference now is that I know that when he does it's a natural process, so I don't get worried like I used to.  I've also learned what not to do when it happens. 

STEP 2: CREATE TENSION SO HE SNAPS BACK

Whenever the man we're with pulls back from us, our first instinct is usually to lean in and close the space.  This requires effort.   And it also usually causes the man to resist our attempts to get closer.  Why?  Because by stepping in we're removing the incentive for a man to get close.  He no longer feels it's his choice - he feels forced.

If he starts pulling away, and you move toward him, then you're just letting the rubber band go slack.  You're making it impossible for him to bounce back to you. You're eliminating the tension he needs in order to come back.

The answer is to drop any effort on your part to close that space. Resist the temptation to ask him what's wrong or to step up your efforts in order to get a response from him.  Don't call him or email him or drop by his place.  Let him make the choice to come to you.  When he does, it also makes you feel better.  It makes you feel desired by him.

STEP 3: CONNECT WITH HIS HEART USING FEELING MESSAGES

When a man does withdraw, it creates all sorts of feelings inside us.  We feel neglected, uncertain, and angry.  And when he comes back, it's easy to feel resentful.  We want him to know that we felt hurt.  We don't want him to think it's just okay for him to pull away.

But there is power in your words, and the words you choose can deepen the connection you share so that he is more mindful of your feelings when he does need his space.  The trick is to talk to him in a way that expresses your feelings without blaming him.

So, instead of saying, "Why haven't you called?!" try, "I feel so happy to hear from you!"  Show him that being with you is a fun, positive experience.  When he sees that you didn't let your emotions overrun you and senses that you didn't place such a high importance on his actions, he'll be motivated to stay close and connected with you.  He'll recognize that he's with a woman who respects his needs while taking care of her own feelings.  And he'll appreciate that you didn't blame or criticize him.

When you create a positive experience with him, he'll also gradually realize that being close and connected with you is a valuable part of his life he won't want to live without.  He'll see that being with you does not mean he needs to give up his sense of self or his independence, and the bond you two share will become even stronger.