RELATIONSHIPS...KEEPING IT TOGETHER

I was on my computer yesterday and right on the side was an advertisement that said "Why he's not in love with you, if you got one and what to do if you are dating one" I thought unless you lived it, how do you really know. I have to say, I have.  My last serious boyfriend of six years came to mind. Not that he wasn't a great guy he just had issues. First he was a cop, and I feel they are great but if they working rough areas they have seen not so nice things. That is another story. Anyway, when I met him he was going through a divorce. That was my first mistake. My advice to anyone going out with someone going through a divorce, you should wait until it is over then take it from there. If it is too late and you are already involved, well that’s another article, I'll have to touch base with another time. So let us get back to the main topic. If you are with a man and you feel he is not giving his heart. He might not be emotionally able to for several reasons. You may treat him like gold. Be a beautiful person on the inside and out but nothing seems to be enough. So what do you do? There is nothing you can do but bow out. The man has to realize if he loves you enough to open his heart and sometimes that means to be on his own at some point. It may not be you at all. It may be that he has a broken heart from a prior relationship or marriage, even if they wanted out. The man may feel like he failed. He may feel that it will happen again. Or in my case, he was there for me, but as time went by, he became a true bachelor and became very selfish. He admits that he is selfish. He also is afraid to get hurt again. So what he does, he runs. He keeps himself so busy, he makes no time for a relationship. Although we had a wonderful, perfect relationship in every way, he admits. He’s mind or heart won't allow him to give himself. Even though they know they may lose a good woman, they just can't do it. So what is the point to stay? You cannot have a one sided relationship. You end up lonely, heartbroken and wasting precious time that you can find the real thing. Remember they are selfish, so they will keep you hanging on; just enough so you won't move forward and you will be there for him. That is so unfair to you. He will keep it going, so unless you want to keep going with half ass love, then you, give him the time, give it your all and then let him go. He knows you tried and he know that’s it is him, but if you got one that won’t love. Give his heart, it is that saying. If you love someone let them go, if they come back it was meant to be, if they don’t...well... They need to talk with a specialist. What I have learned it is a blow to his ego and we all know men can have big egos. My guy said to me when he had been drinking one night. He had a plan. You get married, buy a house and then have children. He then said he had done the first two but he was at a loss that he failed and did not finish his plan. You can plan out your life as much as you want but in one day for any reason your life can change. You can think that you are that special, he will change his mind for you, and if he does that is great but it is doubtful. He needs to heal why he cannot give his heart. It is not you, it is probably any woman. Lastly, you may not be the woman he connects to give his heart to as well. If that is the reason and you feel unloved, you got to be straight forward and ask. I did and I got the answer, if he did want to commit, it would be me, but I knew, I am wasting time, till this day we talk and it is still the same, if I do, it would be me. That is a big would of, could of, but didn't. So if I did wait. I could grow old and shrivel up by the time he may come around. So if you are not getting the love you should and deserve, let it go, a least for now and move on! XO BARBARA JEANNE

What Is Love?How Do We Know It's The Real Thing?

    

You meet someone for the first time, by just their presence gives you butter flies, so you think, this must be love. It's got to be something. You don't get this feeling from everyone you meet. You have that first date that goes incredible, you once again think, this must be love, how wonderful your date went. Now it's time to have sex, unless you did, big mistake! But that's another article. The sex is like fireworks, let me say it one more time. You think this must be love. It might be, I mean all these things are a plus, but what is love? Why do we so desperately want to be in love? Especially when we have had our hearts broken countless times? Is it that we are gluten for punishment, or could it be that falling in love, or being in love while it does last, feels absolutely amazing! As children we are programmed for the fairy tale ending, but at what point do we lose what is real love and just want the happy ending and sometimes even just settle. Real love is a base of compatibility, chemistry and communication but most of all respecting the person for who they are. I have worked in the fitness field for many years and I hear the women, as well as the men talk about love, and from what I see the two genders are not communicating, they are guessing. The result from guessing is a lot of broken hearts, and no happy endings. When we watch movies, we always hear that music that intensifies leading up to that big kiss scene. So are we waiting to hear that loud music go off in our heads, and when we don't, we think something must be wrong. Maybe this is not love? In life when we want a person, we chase after them; naturally they ran the other way, as if we were 5 years old playing tag. So maybe it's time to put away all those fairy tale books that were read to us. Put aside all those games we played as a child, and realize that we are all grown up, and there are new rules. No more games! Women, after watching a romantic flick with the big love scene, remember that's not reality. And men, all those women you see in magazines and movies that you think are so hot, news flash, not real. Air brush and a good makeup artist can do wonders. It's healthy to fantasize what you want. But when it comes to reality of a relationship, it's simple. Finding someone you might like is fairly easy. Finding the person to be with for the rest of your life is work. So, if you do find that person that is right for you, don't think there are trumpets or bells waiting to go off. Love is work, and you get what you put into it. If you are willing to give it your all, not for a day, month or even a year, but for the rest of your life, then that is love, and stop thinking there is something else out there, At some point you'll realize you have to do the work but it's worth it. What you get is that person that has your back that will always be there for you and that's a great feeling. Even better than the story that ends with the couple riding off in a pumpkin! Cause let’s face it that is not reality. xo Barb.

Is Dating The New Commitment?

Today's rules of marriage or a life time partner seems to have changed, or be a thing of the past. There is no longer life time romance or I can't live without you, for always and forever love. Actually that seems to end six months into the relationship if it is even to last that long. And if it does pass that lust and grow into love, why are couples so easy to throw in the towel? Being married doesn't seem to matter, till death do we part really means until we give up and stop trying. Could it be that old saying the grass is greener on the other side, but is it? Or are we so easy to disregard a relationship as easy as it is to stop working out or give up on that diet that we can't do. People always say it's hard to find a good woman or man, but when we do find them we seem not to want them. Are we programmed in relationships as we are as children to get bored with a toy and toss it aside for the new one? Is it men that have changed or is it women that are willing to accept less? Are men simply satisfied going to work, do their weekly agenda and seeing their love interest when they feel the need for affection, intimacy, or maybe just sex. Is dating the new commitment? Is romance dead; is it too late to bring it back? Women watch romantic movies wishing it was them, men call these movies chick flicks. So how can we get back on the same page? It might be too much to ask a man to come to our rescue as a knight and shining armor. But maybe if we women as a whole wouldn't accept anything but more, we just might get romance back in our men. I can't speak for all women just hopeless romantics like me. Barbara Jeanne xo

Looking for Love Through Your Heart Not Your Eyes

 

Both genders tend to look for love through their eyes and not their heart. Although we always say I love you and we think it's from the heart, it all begins with our mind. This may be a big mistake because when you meet you don’t know anything about the one another. So what am I really trying to say? When you meet someone, your mind is saying, I want that person. You may go on a date, start to date, and see yourself fall a bit more. Especially us woman, we love the feeling of being in love. What about the idea of being loved. That is just important and two different things. Being in love, you think it's more of a mutual thing. Meaning that while you are planning your future with this person are you really paying attention to how you are being treated. Or is getting the person more important than how they may be treating you. Sometimes you are doing all the loving but are you being love the same way back. I see so many people running after the person they want. When you should be standing and waiting and seeing who could be right for you, to love you and show you what real love feels like. Real love feels like you don't have to worry that person will leave. They will be there to take care of you no matter what. You can laugh with them and feel comfortable with them and no matter what you do, you can do no wrong. No game, there is no, planning hard to get makes them want you more. There is no reason to have to impress them. So, you can have a relationship that start like fire, so hot and with passion but these are the ones that tend to fizzle. It might take 6 months a year. Maybe, get married and have kids and you sit there and think this is my life; this is how good as my life is going to get. All you get is resentment towards the other person, that snow balls into fights and probably now a days divorce. So what I'm trying to say is when you have to try to make someone fall for you, wait by the phone. When you are always putting them first and they are allowing it, it’s wrong. The relationship is all wrong. When they don't even think of you to bring you something you like. They should stop to give you, your favorite candy bar, ice cream. When you take or see picture are the two of you are you the leaning towards you. Taking picture do they want? This is a sign of lasting memories. Most of all, in your heart, do you feel it is right. Do you feel something is missing, because if you think something is missing? You are probably right and my advice is let it go and find the person that may not be perfect but adores the hell out of you. xo BARBARA JEANNE

Finding Real Love..How to Make It Easier

Both genders tend to look for love through their eyes and not their heart. Although we always say I love you and we think it's from the heart, it all begins with our mind. This may be a big mistake because when you meet you don’t know anything about the one another. So what am I really trying to say? When you meet someone, your mind is saying, I want that person. You may go on a date, start to date, and see yourself fall a bit more. Especially us woman, we love the feeling of being in love. What about the idea of being loved. That is just important and two different things. Being in love, you think it's more of a mutual thing. Meaning that while you are planning your future with this person are you really paying attention to how you are being treated. Or is getting the person more important than how they may be treating you. Sometimes you are doing all the loving but are you being love the same way back. I see so many people running after the person they want. When you should be standing and waiting and seeing who could be right for you, to love you and show you what real love feels like. Real love feels like you don't have to worry that person will leave. They will be there to take care of you no matter what. You can laugh with them and feel comfortable with them and no matter what you do, you can do no wrong. No game, there is no, planning hard to get makes them want you more. There is no reason to have to impress them. So, you can have a relationship that start like fire, so hot and with passion but these are the ones that tend to fizzle. It might take 6 months a year. Maybe, get married and have kids and you sit there and think this is my life; this is how good as my life is going to get. All you get is resentment towards the other person, that snow balls into fights and probably now a days divorce. So what I'm trying to say is when you have to try to make someone fall for you, wait by the phone. When you are always putting them first and they are allowing it, it’s wrong. The relationship is all wrong. When they don't even think of you to bring you something you like. They should stop to give you, your favorite candy bar, ice cream. When you take or see picture are the two of you are you the leaning towards you. Taking picture do they want? This is a sign of lasting memories. Most of all, in your heart, do you feel it is right. Do you feel something is missing, because if you think something is missing? You are probably right and my advice is let it go and find the person that may not be perfect but adores the hell out of you. xo BARBARA JEANNE