On Line Romance

I have brought this topic up before, in fact recently but because people keep bringing it to my attention, I thought maybe nobody is reading or by my numbers they are but can't resist a little on line romance. I would basically use my computer to write articles, period. So I didn't know about this issue. I know there are many sites for dating but i really didn't know until I was on a site that I happen to go to, and there was a Dee jay from a prominent station, that said that on line dating when you have a significant other sitting right in the next room was horrible. That they should be ashamed and how nasty they were. We started talking and he was a man that totally was against it. I am not saying this is going out to men or women, specifically. This goes to anybody that is doing this. It doesn't have to be a on line romance. Hell, let’s say cheating period. Everyone does have their prerogative but don’t bring another person into the mix. Especially knowing that someone and it’s probably them is eventually going to get hurt. If you are big enough and old enough to do this then is adult enough to tell the person “I’m confused and this is what’s going on". Do not let the third party think that they are crazy, or say to them they are crazy when they approach you, with things that they have found. I am not saying to cover your tale better at all; I am saying you should not being doing on line dating when you are already in a relationship. Denying that it's all good and I love you baby, when you are saying it to the person on line, it is just down right wrong. Half of the time you don't even know the person or have met the person giving you to someone that could be another gender with pictures up. I have heard people who say they have phone sex with a person that they have never met. If you just want to get off then geez use you hand or a vibrator. Don't ruin a relationship over someone you have never met. If it gets to the point that it crosses the line of just talking, you need to do the right thing and tell your partner, i need time to sort things out and right now and it doesn't include you. Bow out like a good person. If you do leave you honey for another, I hope you think twice, what you are truly doing. I have giving advice to people, not only on line but people I have counseled in person and one telling me and it kills me that I cannot tell the other. This to me is one of the lowest things you can do. If you are done with the person, go. Don't stay because you have kids or a house or too much to lose. What you are losing is yourself respect, what you are gaining is a whole lot of bad karma. Karma is a bitch when it comes back to bite you on the ass. Do the right thing. On behalf to all relationships, I know at some point in your relationship, you might be unsure, might even have the feeling that you really don't know if you want the person. That is understandable but it still doesn't make it right to try out other people to make your mind up. I can keep going on and on, you will all do what you want. Do remember what goes around comes around. Those that know that the person you are talking to, has someone else but you continue, yea I’ve heard it, but you love them, and they're leaving them for you. Anyway, remember when you sign off the computer at the end of the night .Get their goodnight calls or text. Remember that they are getting in bed next to another person and the person is, well...NOT YOU! XO Barbara Jeanne

Don't Look at Me

When you first become a couple, all those quirky things that you thought were cute, are not so cute as time goes by. The opposite ways that your partner has, at one time brought a different way of thinking, is now getting on your nerves and driving you crazy. No matter a couple or individual, we are different. That is what makes each of us unique. Some people have a bit more pizazz while others keep it quiet and low key. Other are leaders and then we have the followers, but no two people are exactly a like. Not even twins. It makes the world a different place. Even to see people from one state to another, but we are all people. That we have in common. No one is better for any reason. We are not here to jude one another. We are here to live with each other Who we are as people, is not always are own choice. Sad to say, that one society may have a way of thinking that their qualities are better, than another society. The way we look is also another way society has made people think one person may be better than another. I feel everyone is equal. We are not her to judge or to be judged. If you are with someone that is harsh in how they treat you, they need to keep stepping and not in your direction but the other way. I do try to be a good loving person. I try to never judge. I feel that is not my place. The computer and all the sites, are made up of so many kinds of people, from all over the world, You will not like everything that you see, hear or read, that comes your way. People do have the right to express how they feel. That is what our country is suppose to be about.  If a person wants to express anything I feel they should be able. Some people will like, some people will not, other will not care either way. If you don't like what you see, you don't have to look at me, if you dont like i say you can turn the other way. I heard these words on this form Mesllisa Etheridge, that made such an impact on me  to this day. The words are simple but powerful. It is how we all need to learn to live by. Rememeber who you meet in the beginning, as a couple, friendship, or any type of relationship. Is who they are and who you chose to be with. Please don't expect a different person as times goes by. If you open your eyes and heart, you may learn something  and see the beauty in them. Xo Barbara Jeanne

Why Doesn't He Love Me, What can I do?

   

I was on my computer yesterday and right on the side was an advertisement that said "Why he's not in love with you, if you got one and what to do if you are dating one" I thought unless you lived it, how do you really know. I have to say, I have.  My last serious boyfriend of six years came to mind. Not that he wasn't a great guy he just had issues. First he was a cop, and I feel they are great but if they working rough areas they have seen not so nice things. That is another story. Anyway, when I met him he was going through a divorce. That was my first mistake. My advice to anyone going out with someone going through a divorce, you should wait until it is over then take it from there. If it is too late and you are already involved, well that’s another article, I'll have to touch base with another time. So let us get back to the main topic. If you are with a man and you feel he is not giving his heart. He might not be emotionally able to for several reasons. You may treat him like gold. Be a beautiful person on the inside and out but nothing seems to be enough. So what do you do? There is nothing you can do but bow out. The man has to realize if he loves you enough to open his heart and sometimes that means to be on his own at some point. It may not be you at all. It may be that he has a broken heart from a prior relationship or marriage, even if they wanted out. The man may feel like he failed. He may feel that it will happen again. Or in my case, he was there for me, but as time went by, he became a true bachelor and became very selfish. He admits that he is selfish. He also is afraid to get hurt again. So what he does, he runs. He keeps himself so busy, he makes no time for a relationship. Although we had a wonderful, perfect relationship in every way, he admits. He’s mind or heart won't allow him to give himself. Even though they know they may lose a good woman, they just can't do it. So what is the point to stay? You cannot have a one sided relationship. You end up lonely, heartbroken and wasting precious time that you can find the real thing. Remember they are selfish, so they will keep you hanging on; just enough so you won't move forward and you will be there for him. That is so unfair to you. He will keep it going, so unless you want to keep going with half ass love, then you, give him the time, give it your all and then let him go. He knows you tried and he know that’s it is him, but if you got one that won’t love. Give his heart, it is that saying. If you love someone let them go, if they come back it was meant to be, if they don’t...well... They need to talk with a specialist. What I have learned it is a blow to his ego and we all know men can have big egos. My guy said to me when he had been drinking one night. He had a plan. You get married, buy a house and then have children. He then said he had done the first two but he was at a loss that he failed and did not finish his plan. You can plan out your life as much as you want but in one day for any reason your life can change. You can think that you are that special, he will change his mind for you, and if he does that is great but it is doubtful. He needs to heal why he cannot give his heart. It is not you, it is probably any woman. Lastly, you may not be the woman he connects to give his heart to as well. If that is the reason and you feel unloved, you got to be straight forward and ask. I did and I got the answer, if he did want to commit, it would be me, but I knew, I am wasting time, till this day we talk and it is still the same, if I do, it would be me. That is a big would of, could of, but didn't. So if I did wait. I could grow old and shrivel up by the time he may come around. So if you are not getting the love you should and deserve, let it go, a least for now and move on! XO BARBARA JEANNE

Til Death Do We Part

You meet someone and you really liked them, time goes by and it ends up you fall head over heels for this person, as they do for you. You two are inseparable, have so much fun, you can not wait until you are in each others arms. Your best friend. The person that you stopped hanging out with your friends for. The time has come that you two are ready to say your I dos. You two are so excited to start your new life together, the big plans you have. A house, children, and being Mr. and Mrs. Yes, things are great. Remember the feeling, the fun? So what happens, in matter of time, months sometimes it falls into years that things start to change, fall a part. The yelling, the screaming, the cursing begins. What happened to the two of you and the loved you promised for always and forever. Where, when and how did all this animosity begin. What happened to all those found memories that the two of you have shared, been building. When did they stop and how are they becoming so easy to forget the good,  the great times you have had. It gets to the point you can't agree on anything. Everything the other person does, the one that you adored, your snuggle bunny, you hate. So, how did it go from tender love to alomost hate? What comes after that, most of the time a nasty divorce. The things is how did it get so out of hand. Basically I'm saying how does a beautiful relationship turn into a nasty ending. Is there a way that we as couples can stop it and get back on the right path before it is too late. Did you ever hear this words? It's a little to litlle it's a little to late, I'm a little to tired and there is nothing that I got to say. Well maybe that could be the problem. At some point, the couple stops talking and stops communicating, until it is too late. The relationship starts to snowball in the wrong direction, until it is too late. We can keep going on, or we can see what we can do to prevent a break down and most of all a divorce. You loved this person that you so happily said I do to. Before you get into a downward spiral. You first need to remember all the good and loving times. The happy memories. Know that you can go to the next relationship and be in the same situation until you realize any relationship, you have to work. Remember to be grateful that you have found someone that you are able to spend the rest of your life with. That will be there through sickness and in health. The good and the bad times. Better yet remember your vows. Read them again. Have them posted on your wall. know if you show love to someone everyday, you will get love back in return. If you show tenderness to someone, you will get it back in return. Basically what you give, is hopefully what you get. So it is your choice. Something is going terribly wrong, but if you make it past all the hard part, you will learn how to handle each situation you come upon much easier. Don't go to bed mad and learn to say you are sorry, they are powerful words. I love you, is a more powerful words, Hug, kiss and touch daily. Listen and talk to each other. This ia an article, real life is tougher, and..well...real. We want to be loved, it's an important part of life. We just need to work at it. It is worth the effort, because being loved is an important part of life and if feels absolutely fabulous!  XO Barbara Jeanne

How to Search for Love

I have heard from both men and woman, they say there is nobody out there. I'm thinking wait, the population is growing and the dating sites are booming so it shows that there are plenty of single people. Something is going wrong that the two genders can't mate. Which wow only two and we are having such a hard time. Or could it be that when we are saying we are looking for a meaningful relationship, really isn't what we are looking for. What I am hearing is that something is always wrong with the person they meet. So I wanted to know what was going on. So I signed up for a dating site and was on for three weeks, and found a really nice guy well a couple that was willing to give a relationship a whirl. They said they were divorced but they were still married, hum, isn't there a box that asks this question. They were living on their own but still going through a divorce. OK, they were both really cute, fun, good jobs, so I gave them a chance. My rule of thumb a person should be divorced before going off and starting a new relationship, but they made it sound like the end of their divorce was right around the corner. I have to say they we sweet as pie but problems worse than algebra, the subject no one can still figure out. I gave those three months each, and then I couldn’t wait until, like algebra it was over. I didn’t feel too bad, I had fun had some good kissing, no sex, so my self-esteem was still intact. I took time and just enjoyed dating other people I was meeting. I wasn't in a rush to jump into anything, I had just ended a 6 year relationship that we both were weaning off and no not with sex, the phone calls, seeing each other, and well six years is a long time. You miss the person at times. Anyway, I figured let me try the dating site one more time. First day, I got a date with a real cute guy. I checked the status box, single, great! The date was that night; he came to pick me up. He was tall, blonde with blue eyes and cute. I thought yummy. So we started to talk and he ended up being married. I thought why these men on the freak in sites are. I thought this isn't what I practice, so after five weeks I had to let him go. I was going on dates with a lot of other very nice guys that wanted a relationship but I decided the guys were nice but something about guys being on a site wasn't for me. So I turned off my site and did it the old fashion way, just had fun and let it come to me and you know what you meet a lot of real people this way. Dating sites have become more like chat rooms. Most of my friends both guys and girls talk more then they date. It seems like all they do is talk talk talk. So, if the two genders aren't connecting and here is what I'm finding. Men would rather stay single unless they find that woman that blows their socks off. So that leaves us woman single and waiting to find Mr. Right that may be out there but to stupid or selfish to open up to more than their perfect girl. There are the nice guys that are still out there that want a long term relationship, so woman after years of dating the jerks isn't a nice guy really what we should be looking for. Men stop looking for miss perfect, nobody is perfect, not even all those models airbrushed, with tons of plastic surgery. I'm not saying dating sites never work, I'm saying either with dating site or meeting in person. You have to be up front with what you want and stick to it. Don't think, the person will just fall in love with you, when they are telling you that they don't want to get married, or be tied down, if the say that, keep moving. Then they are not for you. Compatibility is someone that is on your same page. You have to find the person you are truly looking for. If you are looking for always and forever, make it clear. Why would you date someone not ready, or someone who doesn't want it. Last of all... There are millions of single woman and men out there but why aren't they connecting. I have to say because, either they don't want to. Or when they do meet a great one, they mess it up somehow and they get thrown back in the searching pool. How do we stop this and find exactly what we are looking for? Communicate with the person you meet, ask questions. I am not saying grill the person but get to know what they want and you will find just the right person for you. Leave your mind and heart open to love. It's really the most fabulous feeling! Barbara Jeanne xo