So You've Had A Change Of Heart

So you have had a change of heart and you not feeling the relationship or the person you are in it with anymore. Maybe you have already moved on and started another. Either way you want out. First off, I would think morally it would be nice to tell the person you are with before venturing off with someone else, especially before being intimate with your new interest. So many people I talk to, say that for some reason they continue to have sex with both. Stating that they had sex with the one they were leaving the night before they met up with the new one they are now seeing. Some say they had sex on the same day. That is just nasty. Where are your morals? It is worse once the person may know and they allow it, hoping the person leaving will fall back in love and say “hell I made a mistake " but that doesn't seem to happen. They have sex, even say it was great but are in the arms of the new person shorty after. Before all this happens it might be best to have the courage to be honest. Do the right thing and tell the truth. Don't drag it out having sex with both people, that's just nasty. People trying to hold onto the person they are losing doing desperate things. So if you care for them, even if you don't, remember you did at one time. Have the decency of telling you soon to be ex, it is over. Show sympathy and let them go with dignity. Remember the saying, what goes around comes around is so true and it will come back to you. So do the right thing because when the table is turned and you're the one standing there being dumped and left with a broken heart, you will thinking the same thing...this really sucks. Also before you jump over the fence make sure the grass is greener on the other side. You may think so but all you are getting into is a bunch of weeds. Then you are stuck all tangled up. What is the point...doing the right thing! XO Barbara Jeanne

Living with a stranger? Time to Change That!

What happens when you are living with a person but they don't seem to be home? It seems as if you two are living under the same roof but have become so distance that it is almost like you are doing the motions but with no emotion. As if the two of you have become strangers. So, what do you do? Is it too late to save a once happy union? First off you have to look at this person and ask yourself, do I love this person? Think back to happier times, that the two of you were in love and shared those special moments. Are you two the same people? If the answer is yes, then you need to sit with your partner, and ask what has happened. Tell your partner they don't seem to be in love with you, Ask them what they feel has happened, and tell them your feelings as well. If they are willing to sit and talk, that is half the battle. Talk about the things that brought the two of you together. I am so pro relationship, that I feel if the two of you were once in love that it is worth giving it a honest effort to stay together. There are times that it is time to throw in the towel, but especially if you said "I do", then you two had to have had something special at one time. Life is too short to spend alone. I do agree that it is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship, but finding that special love, is essential in each and every one of our lives. It is what gets us up and going. Somewhere down the line your relationship changes and the relationship that you two once had...the I can't get enough of one another become a night with a lap top and your favorite TV show all alone. This is no way to live or ask yourself do you want to live like this, basically alone? So let us get back to how to get back that love you two once had. You both need to learn to reconnect. How do you do this? Take time to learn what the person likes. Reminisce about fun times. Those times that made you a couple. Touch one another. Touch those areas that you remember that your lover likes. For the ladies, take time to get yourself together and if you have the funds, go shopping. Go out and get a few outfits that say sexy without trying. Outfits to wear around the house that doesn't scream I want attention. You know what I mean that will make you man notice but not like you are trying. For the men, buy you lady something she likes. It doesn't have to be big. You can pick some flowers, buy her favorite sweets and don't wear you old sweat clothes like you don't give a crap. It's not how you were dressing when you were trying to win her over. Last of all, go out and have fun. If you have children, put them to bed early, or get a babysitter and go out. Talk, touch and slow dance, Even if you are home. Put on some slow music and feel each other’s body up against each other. If you are taking the time to do this, something is still there. Now you have to work on it. I do have to end that being in love feel absolutely amazing. There is not a better feeling in the world. Except...well...and that only last for a few minutes...xo Barbara Jeanne

FINDING MR. RIGHT & MS. (the true way, no BS)

So I wrote how you cannot make someone that does not love you, fall in love with you. It really gets me upset when I read books that say this, or see articles or quotes on line. I have been doing this for twenty years now and my mom has been doing this before me as well as her mom. That is such a myth to sell books or have you listen to them, saying this. This statement is absolutely false! Don't you think if it was that easy, people would be marrying the person of their dreams left and right? All your friends would be with the man their heart so desired and no single. So that brings me to what you can do and that is to help you find Mr. Right, not Mr. Right now. What is the difference? It is major...Mr. Right now, is the person that you are with, that you may have fought for their love, you have been chasing them around and they aren't treating you as you should be treated. Mr. Right is the person that you should be with, the one that will walk you down the aisle to get you married. Either it may be your first walk or have been there done that, but you want to take that walk one more time. Hopefully, this walk will be the last time and that is what I am hoping to teach people. Not what they want to hear to sell books or to make you listen to me, but what really works. If you are with a person you just do not want to give up on, there is a way to turn them around but remember they are who they are and eventually that comes out. We can give it a whirl and I will tell you how. The problem is people do not want to listen, they read but don't listen, and if they do...not so well. If you meet someone that from the get goes, you are doing the chasing, doing everything possible to make them want you... Stop Period! It is not right. If you are the one that is giving, time, energy and money...meaning trying to buy their love with gifts...Stop! If you are the one that’s touching them, caring for them and you aren't feeling that same care back...Stop! Something is wrong. You do not want to waste precious time, energy and money into a person who really doesn't give a crap. Keep your dignity intact and let us go for Mr. Right, even if you are not ready to get married, dating Mr. Rights builds your confidence and shows you the path you need to be on when you are ready and the time has come to do the walk. So how do we find Mr. Right? Give the men you meet an equal chance, yes, you have to be attracted, but you might not let those people that you may get attracted to them by how they treat you, a chance. You might get to like, even love them once you get to know them. They might be this quiet person, in the corner, but when they open up you may really like who and what you see, they might have this charisma that you get drawn to. Stop going by sight alone, or money but by personality and how they treat you. Of course chemistry is needed, but you may fall for someone that treats you so beautifully. Go out with these people that you would say no to. See if these people that you would ordinarily say no to, treats you as you know you should be treated. Do they show you respect, open the car door, treat you with care and would always be there? If they want to spend time with you and love to hear your voice. Do they answer when you call or text? All these are signs of Mr. Right. Are they a yes man, meaning when you ask of something, the answer is usually yes, because your happiness makes them happy? Is it we and not you and I? This is a big deal.  So many people hate this one but allow it. You want it to be us, but for these Mr. Wrong, they are too selfish and somehow they keep it you and I. That is your problem as much their problem, even when you are not married. If you are not married and this is how your man is, can you imagine how they will be once you are married. So many times we have these signs that show us a big red flag but yet we disregard them and put them on our back burners. Well our back burners are all filled up and yet we still go for it. Even walk down the aisle knowing the signs are not right. Then why are you surprised what you get, when they are who they were. This one goes for both men and women. Don't be surprised that once you get married you hoped they would be different, you got who you married. Now you are miserable. I am trying to eliminate this tragic problem. Hoping if you pick out Mr. Right from the get go, you will stay married. If you chose the wrong person, this is where you make the mistake of year’s sadness; just getting by, when everyone deserves a lifetime of happiness and love. So when you are with Mr. Wrong and you don't want to give up yet, how can you try to see if they can become Mr. Right, keep all these things I said on your mind, and ask for the things you know they should be doing. Stop treating them like Kings, unless you are in one of those countries that there are actual Kings chances are they are not, so stop treating them as they are, they are not. They are probably lucky to have someone like you love them as much as you do. Let them come to you. Either way, it will help you eliminate Mr. Wrong and leave room and your life open for Mr. Right. That will put you on a pedestal were we all belong. This goes for men and woman. XO Barbara Jeanne

On Line Chatting is Turning Into On Line Dating..

So many people are talking on sites, starting out as friends with different people and turning into more.  These people online is talking with you as well as chatting with several others having mini relationships with each. The problem is that usually one of you is thinking that their relationship is more serious than the other. That once whatever the other person is using for an excuse lifts the relationship will then start. The thing is that if a person really wants to meet, especially after a period of getting to know one another. They would make it happen. What would be the cutoff point to the chatting, where it should become face to face. I believe that, the chatting should be very short lived only because, why waste time talking with someone. To only meet them and realize you have wasted your time because there is not attraction. The person on the other end of the line could be anybody. You are thinking they are someone totally different then who they say they really are. Hoping that you like the person you have been talking to and are attracted to on line who you know, not who you meet. People as well are on line in many different types of relationships, not in a serious relationship, but dating someone they met on line, but continue to want to look. So they have a list of people and they are choosing who they might want to be with. We are people not things on a shelf to be decided if we are liked enough to be the one. Ask questions you want to know and be honest to what your intentions are. This goes both ways. Barbara Jeanne xo

Freebird (Let Them Go)

Love is difficult when it should be so easy. You may have fallen for one of those people that are not ready, or do not want to be loved. May be because they have been hurt and are afraid to open up and love again. There are those that just want to fly solo. They may be loners or just like to do it alone. You try to break a wall, only to find another. You try every angle. Giving them room, hoping they will miss you. The truth of the matter is they won't miss you enough to come back to you, to make a difference. Not enough to open up and let you in. Single people developed selfishness and that is not how life was meant to be. A relationship is a friendship. If you do not have a friendship your relationship will end. Both people need to bring something to the table. If it is only one sided, it will not work. So you go on trying, for this person that is broken. There are some people that that will not open up their heart and change. Don't go after someone that is broken and cannot give back. A person although does not want to be in a relationship, will still take. So you need to be careful to who you give you heart to. You don't want to give you heart, only for them to hold it for a moment, give it back and before you can catch it, it falls and you are heart broken. You have to realize that there are some people that are not able to give, unable of to love. If this is the case, you need to reflect, why you are attracted to someone that does not love you back. Why does it make you try harder, to go after a person that gives so little to nothing? You need to let those people fly solo. Hope they love again. In the back of your head, you will hope it is you. That this person never, ever will find anyone that loves them as much as you did. This is only normal. These people need to find themselves. Be alone, fly solo. As for you "Let It Go" and find someone to fly with you. Xo Barbara Jeanne