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Friday
Dec172010

What Is Love?How Do We Know It's The Real Thing?

    

You meet someone for the first time, by just their presence gives you butter flies, so you think, this must be love. It's got to be something. You don't get this feeling from everyone you meet. You have that first date that goes incredible, you once again think, this must be love, how wonderful your date went. Now it's time to have sex, unless you did, big mistake! But that's another article. The sex is like fireworks, let me say it one more time. You think this must be love. It might be, I mean all these things are a plus, but what is love? Why do we so desperately want to be in love? Especially when we have had our hearts broken countless times? Is it that we are gluten for punishment, or could it be that falling in love, or being in love while it does last, feels absolutely amazing! As children we are programmed for the fairy tale ending, but at what point do we lose what is real love and just want the happy ending and sometimes even just settle. Real love is a base of compatibility, chemistry and communication but most of all respecting the person for who they are. I have worked in the fitness field for many years and I hear the women, as well as the men talk about love, and from what I see the two genders are not communicating, they are guessing. The result from guessing is a lot of broken hearts, and no happy endings. When we watch movies, we always hear that music that intensifies leading up to that big kiss scene. So are we waiting to hear that loud music go off in our heads, and when we don't, we think something must be wrong. Maybe this is not love? In life when we want a person, we chase after them; naturally they ran the other way, as if we were 5 years old playing tag. So maybe it's time to put away all those fairy tale books that were read to us. Put aside all those games we played as a child, and realize that we are all grown up, and there are new rules. No more games! Women, after watching a romantic flick with the big love scene, remember that's not reality. And men, all those women you see in magazines and movies that you think are so hot, news flash, not real. Air brush and a good makeup artist can do wonders. It's healthy to fantasize what you want. But when it comes to reality of a relationship, it's simple. Finding someone you might like is fairly easy. Finding the person to be with for the rest of your life is work. So, if you do find that person that is right for you, don't think there are trumpets or bells waiting to go off. Love is work, and you get what you put into it. If you are willing to give it your all, not for a day, month or even a year, but for the rest of your life, then that is love, and stop thinking there is something else out there, At some point you'll realize you have to do the work but it's worth it. What you get is that person that has your back that will always be there for you and that's a great feeling. Even better than the story that ends with the couple riding off in a pumpkin! Cause let’s face it that is not reality. xo Barb.

Wednesday
Dec152010

Is Dating The New Commitment? 

Today's rules of marriage or a life time partner seems to have changed, or be a thing of the past. There is no longer life time romance or I can't live without you, for always and forever love. Actually that seems to end six months into the relationship if it is even to last that long. And if it does pass that lust and grow into love, why are couples so easy to throw in the towel? Being married doesn't seem to matter, till death do we part really means until we give up and stop trying. Could it be that old saying the grass is greener on the other side, but is it? Or are we so easy to disregard a relationship as easy as it is to stop working out or give up on that diet that we can't do. People always say it's hard to find a good woman or man, but when we do find them we seem not to want them. Are we programmed in relationships as we are as children to get bored with a toy and toss it aside for the new one? Is it men that have changed or is it women that are willing to accept less? Are men simply satisfied going to work, do their weekly agenda and seeing their love interest when they feel the need for affection, intimacy, or maybe just sex. Is dating the new commitment? Is romance dead; is it too late to bring it back? Women watch romantic movies wishing it was them, men call these movies chick flicks. So how can we get back on the same page? It might be too much to ask a man to come to our rescue as a knight and shining armor. But maybe if we women as a whole wouldn't accept anything but more, we just might get romance back in our men. I can't speak for all women just hopeless romantics like me. Barbara Jeanne xo

Monday
Dec132010

Looking for Love Through Your Heart Not Your Eyes

 

Both genders tend to look for love through their eyes and not their heart. Although we always say I love you and we think it's from the heart, it all begins with our mind. This may be a big mistake because when you meet you don’t know anything about the one another. So what am I really trying to say? When you meet someone, your mind is saying, I want that person. You may go on a date, start to date, and see yourself fall a bit more. Especially us woman, we love the feeling of being in love. What about the idea of being loved. That is just important and two different things. Being in love, you think it's more of a mutual thing. Meaning that while you are planning your future with this person are you really paying attention to how you are being treated. Or is getting the person more important than how they may be treating you. Sometimes you are doing all the loving but are you being love the same way back. I see so many people running after the person they want. When you should be standing and waiting and seeing who could be right for you, to love you and show you what real love feels like. Real love feels like you don't have to worry that person will leave. They will be there to take care of you no matter what. You can laugh with them and feel comfortable with them and no matter what you do, you can do no wrong. No game, there is no, planning hard to get makes them want you more. There is no reason to have to impress them. So, you can have a relationship that start like fire, so hot and with passion but these are the ones that tend to fizzle. It might take 6 months a year. Maybe, get married and have kids and you sit there and think this is my life; this is how good as my life is going to get. All you get is resentment towards the other person, that snow balls into fights and probably now a days divorce. So what I'm trying to say is when you have to try to make someone fall for you, wait by the phone. When you are always putting them first and they are allowing it, it’s wrong. The relationship is all wrong. When they don't even think of you to bring you something you like. They should stop to give you, your favorite candy bar, ice cream. When you take or see picture are the two of you are you the leaning towards you. Taking picture do they want? This is a sign of lasting memories. Most of all, in your heart, do you feel it is right. Do you feel something is missing, because if you think something is missing? You are probably right and my advice is let it go and find the person that may not be perfect but adores the hell out of you. xo BARBARA JEANNE

Saturday
Dec112010

Finding Real Love..How to Make It Easier

Both genders tend to look for love through their eyes and not their heart. Although we always say I love you and we think it's from the heart, it all begins with our mind. This may be a big mistake because when you meet you don’t know anything about the one another. So what am I really trying to say? When you meet someone, your mind is saying, I want that person. You may go on a date, start to date, and see yourself fall a bit more. Especially us woman, we love the feeling of being in love. What about the idea of being loved. That is just important and two different things. Being in love, you think it's more of a mutual thing. Meaning that while you are planning your future with this person are you really paying attention to how you are being treated. Or is getting the person more important than how they may be treating you. Sometimes you are doing all the loving but are you being love the same way back. I see so many people running after the person they want. When you should be standing and waiting and seeing who could be right for you, to love you and show you what real love feels like. Real love feels like you don't have to worry that person will leave. They will be there to take care of you no matter what. You can laugh with them and feel comfortable with them and no matter what you do, you can do no wrong. No game, there is no, planning hard to get makes them want you more. There is no reason to have to impress them. So, you can have a relationship that start like fire, so hot and with passion but these are the ones that tend to fizzle. It might take 6 months a year. Maybe, get married and have kids and you sit there and think this is my life; this is how good as my life is going to get. All you get is resentment towards the other person, that snow balls into fights and probably now a days divorce. So what I'm trying to say is when you have to try to make someone fall for you, wait by the phone. When you are always putting them first and they are allowing it, it’s wrong. The relationship is all wrong. When they don't even think of you to bring you something you like. They should stop to give you, your favorite candy bar, ice cream. When you take or see picture are the two of you are you the leaning towards you. Taking picture do they want? This is a sign of lasting memories. Most of all, in your heart, do you feel it is right. Do you feel something is missing, because if you think something is missing? You are probably right and my advice is let it go and find the person that may not be perfect but adores the hell out of you. xo BARBARA JEANNE

Monday
Dec062010

Pleasing Your Mate Goes A Long Way

 When we start a relationship, we tend to be on our best behavior, which is good. Things tend to change as time goes by. We stop dressing as we did; maybe our manners slack a bit. Men may become lazy when it comes to us women and woman start to become more demanding. Then it seems to snow ball, in the way that both genders are not really fun to be with. Leaving us wondering if we really want to be with this person, and in most cases the relationship slowly fades. If the relationship has been going for a while, it takes longer and the nastiness sets in. First off, yes relationships do change but we hope for the better, to grow in a positive direction. If that does not happen, that’s where things go bad and it may end. I am not saying a relationship doesn’t have its ups and down, that is totally normal. I mean the meanness that comes out when we get disappointed in the relationship we have, that is not going our way. There is a solution, first off men stop being lazy, because you can be. It makes us women feel neglected and unloved. It makes women feel nice when you take time to ask how we are, open the door, hugs us like you never want to let go. Even a hug when you walk through the door would be nice. Oh yes men we woman like to be romanced, even if you are not in the mood, it takes seconds. How, seconds? “I missed you today”. Here is another one “I know I don’t say this enough but you are everything to me”. That is simple romance and it takes seconds. Women should do the same to her man. When you know he had a hard day, rub his shoulders, or even better give him the night off to just be him. No nagging no asking. He will appreciate it more than you know. These are just a few ways to keep a relationship to continue to go smoothly. You men will have is a content woman and women you will have happy campers as well in your men. Just that fact that we know that you men care, melts are hearts. So it has that snow ball effect, it makes us woman want to do for you men. So if you are keeping us happy we keep you happy. There are the people that can't be please, in this case that is a decision you have to make, by weighing the pros and cons. One last thing, it is important that you do take care of yourself. Men love you totally for your heart. Men want to feel like they are not judged and can laugh with the woman they are with. A best friend, that they can tell you anything and we woman would not make fun of them. Men are also very visual, did you ever here the saying. I like what I see? Men love to see pretty things that includes seeing you has a happy sweet person, makes him see you beautiful, not just by how you look but by how you act. The honest truth is that men like to see a woman taking care of themself and I don’t mean picture perfect. Men don't see flaws like woman do. Did your man ever say, she's pretty and you say what are you crazy, lol. Once again men do not see all the flaws! Men you’re included, stop wearing last year’s finest and clean yourself up. I don’t, want to be blunt or step on toes, just want to keep it real...both genders, you know how you are supposed to act. You know you should take care of yourself, and treat you spouse or honey with tender loving care. If you both took those three words seriously we would have so many less relationship problems. I’m not sending a news flash. Just a wakeup call! Barbara Jeanne xo