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Saturday
Dec252010

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I hear so many women that are having man trouble. How they are confused, they just don't know how to get their man to commit. Working in a gym for many years, training both men and women. I have had the opportunity to hear both sides. Here is what I have learned and frankly, why just maybe men won't commit. First off, yes men do have the tendency to become lazy in a relationship. Maybe even a total turn around from when you two first met when he was trying to get you into bed, and maybe even win your heart. Men truly don't intentionally mean to get bored with you and ignore you, but honestly women don't help the situation at all. Women have all these expectations of what they want from their men. They want to be wined and dined and by the end of the month, that leaves guys putting out enough money for a car payment. Women ...men ask please stop nagging and stop trying to control, you are taking the fun out of the relationship. Men work all week, well most of them, what they want, to relax, so let them. Give them their own time. Women and men are not communicating, or someone isn't listening, because it's leaving us with the question, what's going on? Women are wondering,why men won't commit, and men are wondering why they get dumped in the first place. When a women falls in love she falls hard, she gives herself and heart completely. At this point it only makes the man loose interest, they like the competition, to conquer, then when when successful, they get a bit bored. They may work too hard, play too much, giving little time to us women, leaving women to feel devastated and unloved. So how do women react? Bitter, mean and if you are married, watch out...you men are in for a big burn. So, that leaves us with a lot of jaded men that can't seem to pull out of the hurt that they endured, even though a man might not admit it, and usually doesn't. Men find it easier to go on with their lives keeping it simple. That also means it's hard for them to give their heart and to commit to us women. I too have been divorced, when I left I figured there has been enough pain, and asked for nothing, but what did come from the relationship was my beautiful daughter, I do not call it a failed relationship. it is two people with different directions. So for all those holding on to the past, the pain, it's time to...Let It Go...That may be one of my favorite sayings. So, trying to stay neutral, here is some advice. I think women need to ease up and not control men, and I'm not speaking for all women. I think men need to judge each woman independently, There are some really good women and men out there, if you open your mind and your heart, you might find a friend and even someone to love. And that a really good feeling! XO BARBARA JEANNE

Thursday
Dec232010

What Makes Relationships So Hard 

Most of my articles are geared toward woman, so I thought I would switch it up a bit, and this one is for both guys and girls. Maybe it will help you both get back on the same page. For some reason, we women sure do need men in our lives, even though we have had our hearts broken so many times. But what makes things different now a days, women still so desperately want to be in love, and men, once they have had their hearts broken seem to be good on the whole relationship thing. This is a big problem! So what are we to do to mend this? Well let's see how the whole thing started, and no, I'm not making this up. I am professional, I went to the source both men and women, of all ages. Let's keep this one short and sweet or maybe a bit bitter but brutally honest.

Man sees a woman. He likes what he sees, approaches and comes in for the kill. He wins her heart and things are going great, but then the man get a little lazy, with the calling or not seeing her as much. But that doesn't mean he's not digging her. Men just get bored or have a life, which we women seem to give up when we get a man. Then the women starts to get a bit upset may start to feel unloved and then has the tendency to start to nag, rag and bitch. So the man does not like this very much and pulls away. That makes the women very angry and hurt and sooner or later comes the claws, and the man likes this even less, so further away he goes. The women does everything in her power to keep this man, even goes to the neighborhood psychic. But maybe it is as simple as to give the man space from the get go. Give him his own time and don't punish him by not giving him sex. He has a hand and a lot of porno sites these days. Men like to be independent and like women who are independent and confident. Right or wrong, that's how it is. Women will give it her all, but when women get fed up finally at some point, they dump the man and after their heartache finally goes away, they don't look back.

But with the men, they are devastated over their loss, but I'm not sure if it is because they lost a good woman, or they lost at the game. Many of the men in one study seem to have said the same thing about their broken relationship; things hadn't been going good for a while. But when they get dumped, men don't like the sting and a wounded man now a day says it's easier to stay single then to go through getting hurt again. That is only when the man realizes he lost a good thing and when it's too late. So, what can fix this problem? Women if you start seeing things going wrong in your relationship and you seem to keep putting them on the back burner and the stove is all filled up, he's not a keeper. Stop giving your heart before he deserves to have it. Your heart is a precious thing, and men, if you really aren't into that woman let her go. But have the balls to tell her, just don't disappear. If you do think she's a keeper, show her you love her. Love is like a plant, if you don't water, it dies, same as love.

Last but not least, when it's over, let it go. Have your cry and move on. There is nothing worse or more painful than a broken heart and that is coming from both sexes. What could be worse is not allowing your heart to heal to find the real deal. Treat people as you would like to be treated. Treat someone you love as you would like to be loved! Barbara Jeanne xo

 

Wednesday
Dec222010

Behind Every Good Man Is A Great Woman

I am so surprised how relationships have changed. I know people want them, I hear this just about every day. But as fast as the relationship may start, it's about as fast as they seem to end. They are almost becoming existent. There are so many dating sites but I think people are getting a dating site confused with a relationship site. Yes you have to date to move forward to a long term relationship but somehow it doesn't seem to get that far too often. Although it may say check the long term box on the questionnaire, but for most part I think it becomes exactly what it says, dating. Then we have women and men saying they met the nicest guy or woman but I only see or hear from them once a week. A call here and there and a couple texts, to say hey, what's up? Just enough to keep you hanging on, while they are checking out the many others they see on how ever many site they might be on. At some point I talk with people that I think they are more interested in the high of talking to the person on line, then actually meeting the person. It's almost you can predict the persons evening. To come home, get a bite to eat and jump on line and off they are for a night of relationship with the person they choose to talk to that night. It might be a repeater from the evening before or someone new. Either way dating sites are turning to a night with a lap top and a stranger. People seem to be able to stay content with this more and more and it’s ashamed. If you do meet the person from a site, local bar, or where ever it might be and hit it off, what may be the problem that it doesn't go far? What I am finding from people I have counseled, is selfishness. People seem to be so self-absorbed that they don't want to give. They sure are good at taking but they are not so good for doing for another. Hardly with family and friends have we known all our lives, let alone a partner? Why, life seems okay, smooth, no waves, but one day you will realize you're alone. It may be when you are down on your luck and wish you had someone. It may come when you're older and not so good for the pickings. A man I once counseled said to me, when I was younger I didn't want to be in a relationship. He thought he was the **** and wanted to run and play, although already married. He then said, but now that I'm older and really want to find a nice lady, nobody wants him. He was 52, he passed at 58 alone. So are we able to get back love, romance, that old fashions love you always and forever? Absolutely! How? Love like there's no tomorrow, love like you love yourself. And love because being loved back feels absolutely wonderful! xo Barbara Jeanne

eanne

Monday
Dec202010

Sex Important..Yea!

 

In the beginning of a relationship, we are so excited, to kiss, touch and when the time is right, make love. Having sex to early be something I really think everyone person should practice. Not only because your body and you are so precious. Having sex or making love is such an intimate act, well at least it should be. So try to wait on it. For the man, they like the waiting actually, they don't want to get it too easily and most of all, the foreplay before the sex is the best. To want to fondle, touch and kiss. The anticipation of when it's going to happen. Not only is it special because it is more meaningful, comfortable but the guy respects you a lot more for waiting. Now that you are making love, there are many ways. Are you open to different positions, different places and even different times? Will you show affection in the public? To some it's a turn on, to others they wouldn't even think of it. Maybe if you let your imagination run into reality, sex would stay fun. Your mind would stay stimulated to be open to adventure. It is an important part of the relationship, more than you might think. So what might you do? Have fun! Stimulate your partner’s mind, when you are not even having sex. Touch them in spots that make them... horney. Wear something that is not screaming I want sex, just enough to tease. It will build in their mind, what and when the sex will be. Another way is when you go out look nice, if you feel wear something sexy, men look handsome, like when you two first meet and you were trying to impress. Now, touch under the table, arouse and be playful. Woman if you are daring, leave the panties at home. I am not saying this is something you need to do every time you go out. It is essential to keep it spicy in the sex department; it gives you a closer relationship all around. Now you might be saying, I can't we are have children, I am so tired. Or I worked all day, excuses. If you think like this you are doomed. You can't have a relationship and no sex. You may think it can work without, or with little sex, but in the long run it is what saves the marriage or the relationship. Not the only thing, but it will bring you two closer as a couple. It is helpful for you to have a closer connection and a deeper bond. If the sex is amazing between the two of you that is even more amazing. So does it in the grass, on the beach, in the back sit of the car, use your imagination? Have sex..or make love...but just do it! XO BARBARA JEANNE

Sunday
Dec192010

RELATIONSHIPS...KEEPING IT TOGETHER 

I was on my computer yesterday and right on the side was an advertisement that said "Why he's not in love with you, if you got one and what to do if you are dating one" I thought unless you lived it, how do you really know. I have to say, I have.  My last serious boyfriend of six years came to mind. Not that he wasn't a great guy he just had issues. First he was a cop, and I feel they are great but if they working rough areas they have seen not so nice things. That is another story. Anyway, when I met him he was going through a divorce. That was my first mistake. My advice to anyone going out with someone going through a divorce, you should wait until it is over then take it from there. If it is too late and you are already involved, well that’s another article, I'll have to touch base with another time. So let us get back to the main topic. If you are with a man and you feel he is not giving his heart. He might not be emotionally able to for several reasons. You may treat him like gold. Be a beautiful person on the inside and out but nothing seems to be enough. So what do you do? There is nothing you can do but bow out. The man has to realize if he loves you enough to open his heart and sometimes that means to be on his own at some point. It may not be you at all. It may be that he has a broken heart from a prior relationship or marriage, even if they wanted out. The man may feel like he failed. He may feel that it will happen again. Or in my case, he was there for me, but as time went by, he became a true bachelor and became very selfish. He admits that he is selfish. He also is afraid to get hurt again. So what he does, he runs. He keeps himself so busy, he makes no time for a relationship. Although we had a wonderful, perfect relationship in every way, he admits. He’s mind or heart won't allow him to give himself. Even though they know they may lose a good woman, they just can't do it. So what is the point to stay? You cannot have a one sided relationship. You end up lonely, heartbroken and wasting precious time that you can find the real thing. Remember they are selfish, so they will keep you hanging on; just enough so you won't move forward and you will be there for him. That is so unfair to you. He will keep it going, so unless you want to keep going with half ass love, then you, give him the time, give it your all and then let him go. He knows you tried and he know that’s it is him, but if you got one that won’t love. Give his heart, it is that saying. If you love someone let them go, if they come back it was meant to be, if they don’t...well... They need to talk with a specialist. What I have learned it is a blow to his ego and we all know men can have big egos. My guy said to me when he had been drinking one night. He had a plan. You get married, buy a house and then have children. He then said he had done the first two but he was at a loss that he failed and did not finish his plan. You can plan out your life as much as you want but in one day for any reason your life can change. You can think that you are that special, he will change his mind for you, and if he does that is great but it is doubtful. He needs to heal why he cannot give his heart. It is not you, it is probably any woman. Lastly, you may not be the woman he connects to give his heart to as well. If that is the reason and you feel unloved, you got to be straight forward and ask. I did and I got the answer, if he did want to commit, it would be me, but I knew, I am wasting time, till this day we talk and it is still the same, if I do, it would be me. That is a big would of, could of, but didn't. So if I did wait. I could grow old and shrivel up by the time he may come around. So if you are not getting the love you should and deserve, let it go, a least for now and move on! XO BARBARA JEANNE