Transition from divorce to dating

Today’s dads seem to be better than ever. It seems very important to today’s dads to be a big part of their children’s lives which is beautiful. This is something that always came natural for most mothers, is now coming natural for fathers as well. When new single parents want to date this can be a problem. They put their children first, second and third which they should but that may be leaving their new relationships in their lives to feel like they are getting the short end of the deal. That may make the new comer feel very left out and making them unsure of their status in the relationship. If you aren't ready to date don't drag another into the situation. I truly believe this when a woman is done, she is done. She may cry her river of tears but when the crying ends, she gets up and moves on. Men on the other hand hold on to the past, the family they lost and the woman they thought they didn't want. Even if they were the one to walk out they seem to not want to let go. Men stay traumatized for quite a long time, sometimes forever. What is going on is that 80% of woman remarry or go into another relationship within a few years and regain a standard of living of at least equal to what they had before in contrast most divorced men that remarry cannot provide for their new family with as high as standard of living as they gave their former wife and children. This may bother a woman but they hang in and try to understand. What bothers the men that makes it harder to let go of the situation is because the man become childless on a daily basis and the mother may make the children think the father betrayed them and that is why there is a divorce. Men are more likely to become depressed, commit suicide or develop a stress related illness after their divorce. The men become lonely, distraught and disoriented because they lost daily contact with their children and the fact that they were was once a family. Men you need to learn to let go and when you do you will be able to move into another relationship that can lead to a more meaningful union. Women this hold true for you as well.  You need to remember men may want that always and forever with you. I hear a lot of women who say they don’t want to lose their alimony. They women act like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire "show me the money". They hold on usually until that person comes into their lives willing to take care of her and her children. Also when dating a person with children, the burden lies with you. You are dating not only them but their children as well. So you have to be willing to accept this. It will not be the normal relationship as going into one with no cares or prior commitments. People coming out of relationships please remember if you allow someone to come into your life, as the relationship grows include them. Don't make them feel like they are an outsider or the third wheel. It is a horrible feeling and it may not last. Eventually you will have to learn to open your heart to allow someone new to come in. It might actually be a good thing and turn into a meaningful relationship. When ending a marriage you have to remember the love you once had for one another but for some reason your relationship did not work out and it is time to move on. By keeping it cordial will make it an easier transition for you and the children and that is who is most important.  Barbara Jeanne xo

No Commitment?

Women and men both know in a reasonable time what their intentions are with the person they are dating. I am not talking about the occasional date or when you are two are still seeing other people. I am talking about when you two are exclusive and it is now one on one, time as gone by and you know the others personality. People’s personality can always change, so you can never say you always know the person. Most people know how far they want the relationship to go. Maybe to the isle to get married, maybe you know you may want to move in but that is how far as it will go. Other people know that it is not for always and forever but it will last until something better comes along or it just comes to an end. Either way two people in the relationship have to be on the same page. You can't wait and hope that the outcome is what you are wishing for. It is better to get it on the table. If one wants to get married and the other feels that this is not the right person or may not be what the person wants then be up front and put it on the table. It will cut out a lot of heart ache and put the right people together. Instead of wasting a person’s time the two people should keep the communication open as their feelings may change. It is a hard thing to do to be up front and honest but in the long run it is the right thing. So if you are with someone that wants to commit and you know you don't shit or get off the pot. Don't drag someone into it because of your own uncertainty of what you want. They say being loved and in a relationship is the most rewarding thing in life, even more then having children. If you feel loved you are happier to spread the love. So take a moment and ask yourself do you feel so secure in your relationship do you think of the two of you love birds as we. If you aren't so sure have the talk and if the person you are with doesn't want to talk, it is not the best sign. If that is what they say, you reply "okay but if not today we need to disguise this soon and if they do not bring it up you can try again. If once again it is a no go then, sorry to say your relationship is probably not going to last the long haul. It is better to know then to wonder if you to will go the distance. So take time and think about your relationship, do you two as a couple consider one another as we. If not and you feel unsure or insecure you need to reexamine your relationship. Xo Barbara Jeanne

Men You Could Do More, Couldn't You?

Men may not try to change their woman as much as women do but the do to an extent. Men do accept when their woman gains weight, they may want their woman to look the way she did when she met but men will bite their tongues. They are more verbal on what they are wearing or their makeup. Men for some reason for most wants their women a bit over weight and plain so other men don't look, but will look at every woman that passes that they wish their women looked like. To most men looks is not the most important thing, they like beautiful women but when they get fluffy men think if she is hot, then she might leave me for a better looking man. Yesterday I wrote that men really want their woman to be their best friend and not to nag and in return the woman man will do those things that you woman nag about. I explained that it is all in the tone of your voice as well. Today I am here to tell men that they need to be more attentive to your ladies. Men need to compliment, listen and do those things men know they should be doing. Men should not think that they played the game in the beginning, showed you their finer side and it's all good, cause it's not. Men need to step up their game every day for their women. Make you women feel beautiful; listen to what you she has to say. Hug her, kiss her and hold her. All these things take seconds and do wonder. Men you need to remember, man’s best friend they say is a dog, now think if you didn't take him for walk and feed him. He would be shitting all over you house and probably tearing apart you garbage, you coming home to a big all mess. One day, you would say, f***. After a few days you would figure out you need start doing what you are supposed to do? I am not comparing the two; I am simply making a point, step up and do what you know you should be doing. Most women nag because they feel like you are not hearing them. This is just a suggestion; the rest is up to you. xo Barbara Jeanne

Changing Your Man?

A woman meets a guy and loves absolutely everything about him, well almost. Then as times passes and the relationship progresses she wants to mold her man. Change the little things that bother you about your man. You start telling you man, stop doing that! You need to change this! Why can't you do this or be more like that? It is good for communication but sometimes it is how you tell you man, how you say this things to him. It can't be like you are scolding your man as if he is bad. I see woman snatching her man’s phones out of his hands, saying who's that?  Not in an asking way but as a mother. You don't like that he may act so silly, not take things seriously. It seems to be fine when you two first met. Women do not try to change men; men resent you for trying to do this. If you continue, you take the fun out of him and the relationship. If you continue for a long period of time they start to really dislike you to the point they may not even want to be with you. The man might stay if you have children but intentionally it will be over. Then think back where you could have told him things in a gentle way. We are not here to control our men but to be their equal, their best friend. A man wants a best friend, someone to have fun with. Now if you can do this for him, many of those things that bother you, he will be willing to change. Women have to remember men are not our children and have to stop telling them he is acting as one. I am not putting it all on woman but this one is for the boys! XO Barbara Jeanne

Being Happy Is Successful for Your Relationship

When two people first meet them are both beaming with happiness and the want to make the other person happy? They put aside all their worries, cares and sometimes real personality. As the relationship progresses both of your real personalities come out eventually. Some people can't wait and expose who the really are, what their personality is and their relationship ends. Some can hide their bad qualities until you two ties the knot or make a commitment to move in together. It is too late and much harder to break out and say bye. If you feel as if you are always fighting and have a mad feeling it is something you may need to work at or seek professional help. This will help you to have a relationship with better connection, better conversation and a best friend. In tail they will want to spend more time with you and be more opt to showing you love and wanting to not only make you happier but your sex life will flourish. You do not want to be in a relationship of years of bitching, nagging, or showing no care. If you do not have happiness that come from within this might tamper on a life time of happiness. It is worth getting the help you need to have a successful, happy relationship. Being miserable, or with someone that is miserable is no way to live. Sometimes you have to admit you need the help. I know people that have been healed in a short period others it has taken years but either way. There is no reason to delay, start seeking today, to start your life of happiness. You’ll be getting you and your partner a lifetime of happiness. You truly deserve it! XO Barbara Jeanne