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Monday
Jan172011

Don't Look at Me

When you first become a couple, all those quirky things that you thought were cute, are not so cute as time goes by. The opposite ways that your partner has, at one time brought a different way of thinking, is now getting on your nerves and driving you crazy. No matter a couple or individual, we are different. That is what makes each of us unique. Some people have a bit more pizazz while others keep it quiet and low key. Other are leaders and then we have the followers, but no two people are exactly a like. Not even twins. It makes the world a different place. Even to see people from one state to another, but we are all people. That we have in common. No one is better for any reason. We are not here to jude one another. We are here to live with each other Who we are as people, is not always are own choice. Sad to say, that one society may have a way of thinking that their qualities are better, than another society. The way we look is also another way society has made people think one person may be better than another. I feel everyone is equal. We are not her to judge or to be judged. If you are with someone that is harsh in how they treat you, they need to keep stepping and not in your direction but the other way. I do try to be a good loving person. I try to never judge. I feel that is not my place. The computer and all the sites, are made up of so many kinds of people, from all over the world, You will not like everything that you see, hear or read, that comes your way. People do have the right to express how they feel. That is what our country is suppose to be about.  If a person wants to express anything I feel they should be able. Some people will like, some people will not, other will not care either way. If you don't like what you see, you don't have to look at me, if you dont like i say you can turn the other way. I heard these words on this form Mesllisa Etheridge, that made such an impact on me  to this day. The words are simple but powerful. It is how we all need to learn to live by. Rememeber who you meet in the beginning, as a couple, friendship, or any type of relationship. Is who they are and who you chose to be with. Please don't expect a different person as times goes by. If you open your eyes and heart, you may learn something  and see the beauty in them. Xo Barbara Jeanne

Tuesday
Jan112011

Why Doesn't He Love Me, What can I do?

 

   

I was on my computer yesterday and right on the side was an advertisement that said "Why he's not in love with you, if you got one and what to do if you are dating one" I thought unless you lived it, how do you really know. I have to say, I have.  My last serious boyfriend of six years came to mind. Not that he wasn't a great guy he just had issues. First he was a cop, and I feel they are great but if they working rough areas they have seen not so nice things. That is another story. Anyway, when I met him he was going through a divorce. That was my first mistake. My advice to anyone going out with someone going through a divorce, you should wait until it is over then take it from there. If it is too late and you are already involved, well that’s another article, I'll have to touch base with another time. So let us get back to the main topic. If you are with a man and you feel he is not giving his heart. He might not be emotionally able to for several reasons. You may treat him like gold. Be a beautiful person on the inside and out but nothing seems to be enough. So what do you do? There is nothing you can do but bow out. The man has to realize if he loves you enough to open his heart and sometimes that means to be on his own at some point. It may not be you at all. It may be that he has a broken heart from a prior relationship or marriage, even if they wanted out. The man may feel like he failed. He may feel that it will happen again. Or in my case, he was there for me, but as time went by, he became a true bachelor and became very selfish. He admits that he is selfish. He also is afraid to get hurt again. So what he does, he runs. He keeps himself so busy, he makes no time for a relationship. Although we had a wonderful, perfect relationship in every way, he admits. He’s mind or heart won't allow him to give himself. Even though they know they may lose a good woman, they just can't do it. So what is the point to stay? You cannot have a one sided relationship. You end up lonely, heartbroken and wasting precious time that you can find the real thing. Remember they are selfish, so they will keep you hanging on; just enough so you won't move forward and you will be there for him. That is so unfair to you. He will keep it going, so unless you want to keep going with half ass love, then you, give him the time, give it your all and then let him go. He knows you tried and he know that’s it is him, but if you got one that won’t love. Give his heart, it is that saying. If you love someone let them go, if they come back it was meant to be, if they don’t...well... They need to talk with a specialist. What I have learned it is a blow to his ego and we all know men can have big egos. My guy said to me when he had been drinking one night. He had a plan. You get married, buy a house and then have children. He then said he had done the first two but he was at a loss that he failed and did not finish his plan. You can plan out your life as much as you want but in one day for any reason your life can change. You can think that you are that special, he will change his mind for you, and if he does that is great but it is doubtful. He needs to heal why he cannot give his heart. It is not you, it is probably any woman. Lastly, you may not be the woman he connects to give his heart to as well. If that is the reason and you feel unloved, you got to be straight forward and ask. I did and I got the answer, if he did want to commit, it would be me, but I knew, I am wasting time, till this day we talk and it is still the same, if I do, it would be me. That is a big would of, could of, but didn't. So if I did wait. I could grow old and shrivel up by the time he may come around. So if you are not getting the love you should and deserve, let it go, a least for now and move on! XO BARBARA JEANNE

Monday
Jan102011

Til Death Do We Part

You meet someone and you really liked them, time goes by and it ends up you fall head over heels for this person, as they do for you. You two are inseparable, have so much fun, you can not wait until you are in each others arms. Your best friend. The person that you stopped hanging out with your friends for. The time has come that you two are ready to say your I dos. You two are so excited to start your new life together, the big plans you have. A house, children, and being Mr. and Mrs. Yes, things are great. Remember the feeling, the fun? So what happens, in matter of time, months sometimes it falls into years that things start to change, fall a part. The yelling, the screaming, the cursing begins. What happened to the two of you and the loved you promised for always and forever. Where, when and how did all this animosity begin. What happened to all those found memories that the two of you have shared, been building. When did they stop and how are they becoming so easy to forget the good,  the great times you have had. It gets to the point you can't agree on anything. Everything the other person does, the one that you adored, your snuggle bunny, you hate. So, how did it go from tender love to alomost hate? What comes after that, most of the time a nasty divorce. The things is how did it get so out of hand. Basically I'm saying how does a beautiful relationship turn into a nasty ending. Is there a way that we as couples can stop it and get back on the right path before it is too late. Did you ever hear this words? It's a little to litlle it's a little to late, I'm a little to tired and there is nothing that I got to say. Well maybe that could be the problem. At some point, the couple stops talking and stops communicating, until it is too late. The relationship starts to snowball in the wrong direction, until it is too late. We can keep going on, or we can see what we can do to prevent a break down and most of all a divorce. You loved this person that you so happily said I do to. Before you get into a downward spiral. You first need to remember all the good and loving times. The happy memories. Know that you can go to the next relationship and be in the same situation until you realize any relationship, you have to work. Remember to be grateful that you have found someone that you are able to spend the rest of your life with. That will be there through sickness and in health. The good and the bad times. Better yet remember your vows. Read them again. Have them posted on your wall. know if you show love to someone everyday, you will get love back in return. If you show tenderness to someone, you will get it back in return. Basically what you give, is hopefully what you get. So it is your choice. Something is going terribly wrong, but if you make it past all the hard part, you will learn how to handle each situation you come upon much easier. Don't go to bed mad and learn to say you are sorry, they are powerful words. I love you, is a more powerful words, Hug, kiss and touch daily. Listen and talk to each other. This ia an article, real life is tougher, and..well...real. We want to be loved, it's an important part of life. We just need to work at it. It is worth the effort, because being loved is an important part of life and if feels absolutely fabulous!  XO Barbara Jeanne

Wednesday
Jan052011

How to Search for Love 

I have heard from both men and woman, they say there is nobody out there. I'm thinking wait, the population is growing and the dating sites are booming so it shows that there are plenty of single people. Something is going wrong that the two genders can't mate. Which wow only two and we are having such a hard time. Or could it be that when we are saying we are looking for a meaningful relationship, really isn't what we are looking for. What I am hearing is that something is always wrong with the person they meet. So I wanted to know what was going on. So I signed up for a dating site and was on for three weeks, and found a really nice guy well a couple that was willing to give a relationship a whirl. They said they were divorced but they were still married, hum, isn't there a box that asks this question. They were living on their own but still going through a divorce. OK, they were both really cute, fun, good jobs, so I gave them a chance. My rule of thumb a person should be divorced before going off and starting a new relationship, but they made it sound like the end of their divorce was right around the corner. I have to say they we sweet as pie but problems worse than algebra, the subject no one can still figure out. I gave those three months each, and then I couldn’t wait until, like algebra it was over. I didn’t feel too bad, I had fun had some good kissing, no sex, so my self-esteem was still intact. I took time and just enjoyed dating other people I was meeting. I wasn't in a rush to jump into anything, I had just ended a 6 year relationship that we both were weaning off and no not with sex, the phone calls, seeing each other, and well six years is a long time. You miss the person at times. Anyway, I figured let me try the dating site one more time. First day, I got a date with a real cute guy. I checked the status box, single, great! The date was that night; he came to pick me up. He was tall, blonde with blue eyes and cute. I thought yummy. So we started to talk and he ended up being married. I thought why these men on the freak in sites are. I thought this isn't what I practice, so after five weeks I had to let him go. I was going on dates with a lot of other very nice guys that wanted a relationship but I decided the guys were nice but something about guys being on a site wasn't for me. So I turned off my site and did it the old fashion way, just had fun and let it come to me and you know what you meet a lot of real people this way. Dating sites have become more like chat rooms. Most of my friends both guys and girls talk more then they date. It seems like all they do is talk talk talk. So, if the two genders aren't connecting and here is what I'm finding. Men would rather stay single unless they find that woman that blows their socks off. So that leaves us woman single and waiting to find Mr. Right that may be out there but to stupid or selfish to open up to more than their perfect girl. There are the nice guys that are still out there that want a long term relationship, so woman after years of dating the jerks isn't a nice guy really what we should be looking for. Men stop looking for miss perfect, nobody is perfect, not even all those models airbrushed, with tons of plastic surgery. I'm not saying dating sites never work, I'm saying either with dating site or meeting in person. You have to be up front with what you want and stick to it. Don't think, the person will just fall in love with you, when they are telling you that they don't want to get married, or be tied down, if the say that, keep moving. Then they are not for you. Compatibility is someone that is on your same page. You have to find the person you are truly looking for. If you are looking for always and forever, make it clear. Why would you date someone not ready, or someone who doesn't want it. Last of all... There are millions of single woman and men out there but why aren't they connecting. I have to say because, either they don't want to. Or when they do meet a great one, they mess it up somehow and they get thrown back in the searching pool. How do we stop this and find exactly what we are looking for? Communicate with the person you meet, ask questions. I am not saying grill the person but get to know what they want and you will find just the right person for you. Leave your mind and heart open to love. It's really the most fabulous feeling! Barbara Jeanne xo

Monday
Jan032011

Men,Keeping Them Or Not?

 

 

 

You meet someone you really like, you start dating, and things may be going well, even great. Then all of a sudden things seem to start changing. He might seem different and you are in a frenzy trying to figure out why. He's not talking. You are feeling unsure than ever. He's getting colder by the day. The calls are less. He is seeing you less. So all you can do is ask anyone and everyone that will listen....why? So let us rewind and see how to stop all these games and get your man where he should be...with you. When you meet, you need to have a good base. What does that mean; you need to have a balance of chemistry, friendship, fun and the edge of being domestic. A woman with balance of a little bit of wild with good morals, fun but always a lady. To bring you home to mom, but also hang with the boys. Don't think that there all these things or rules you need to do, or he won't like you. Let’s keep it simple. Dress to impress. Men love sun dresses and flip flops, simple but sexy. Sometimes you can bring it on; getting dressed up all sexy looking like Ms. Hottie. Men like snuggling not smothering. Men like tenderness and care, not nagging and being bitched at. This one can make a man leave, not maybe in the beginning, but at some point, he will be gone...for sure. Classy is important, no potty mouth. Men like those simple days, a nice romantic walk on the board walk, sex on the beach, when the time is right. Ladies we don't need expensive dinners all the time, an ice cream and a stroll in the park. You need to have you man wanting to see you, wanting to come home to you. They love woman who love life. Not a woman that’s pouty and down. Men like a woman that is confident and sure of them. Most men like a woman who is real. Who is down to earth. There are so many types of men, but all men like toys, so you as a woman must keep their interest almost like being a toy. You want to stay their special toy, even become their favorite toy like Woody in Toy Story. But in return they must respect you has a person after all you are not a toy you are a person and there has to be a balance. Men will be men, if they cheat or are no good, it is not you but the, and you really need to let them go. If you do find a good man, do what you have to do to keep them because they are rare. Men have to know we woman are worth something. Something so special they remember that most of all. You want him but does he deserve you? Xo Barbara Jeanne