WHY LOVE?

            Love is such a beautiful gift. To love and to be loved feels absolutely awesome. Yet so many people are having such a hard time connecting.  There are several reasons why, one being that people seems to be okay doing their own daily routines.  And they seek for intimacy only when the feel it’s necessary.  Guys have now learned to cook, clean and wash their own clothes. Many single girls don’t want to cook, clean, or wash clothes. Girls do these chores only when they have to. 

            These days computers allow us to have online relationships. And for some that is enough. And this goes for both guys and the girls. So it plays out something like this. After they finished up their daily necessities, they hop online. There are many people that a satisfied to have a night of great conversation with that one special person they are having this online relationship with.  Maybe they just want to mingle with several, of course until its bedtime when it’s now time get off. These people feel content enough that they had a night of good conversation. Next they do what they have to do and call it a night.

             The reality of actually of real life meetings, they may like you but they may find a liking for a few different people as well. What happens if they meet someone at the store, local bar, wherever and want to bring them home for a quick romp in the bed? They want that option. So that brings me to think, are we going back in time, were casual sex was a common thing? And keep love out of the equation? That is a sad thought to think.

                Because love actually makes you prosper. It puts a bounce in your step. Makes you want to do better, because you are happy.  Even though this can be a blessing, many people don’t see it that way. People are sent into your life for a purpose, yet many times it goes unnoticed.  Sometime we are meant to help another, other times people are here to help you. But mostly, we have two types of people. The caretakers, these are people that are put here to help you get through tough times, or whatever might be the purpose. Others are the takers, many stand alone. They take love but the love they get, they don’t give that love back in return. Leaving the person they are with feeling a lack of being loved.

                 So we need to balance out things a bit. Try to fix this mess that we have created and doing this hopefully the people searching for love might actually find it. We need to see the benefits of love and for those that want love, see if you are giving what is necessary. Love is not the drama that we make it to be.  We see and feel the signs of not being loved, and it is a shitty feeling. So when those signs are coming to you loud and clear, it pretty much means at this point it’s time to let it go.

               Instead of trying to make someone that doesn’t have it in them to love as you should be loved, you need to have the strength to walk away and let it go. Yes it will hurt, but in the long run you will have passed on probably a long period that you would have been heartbroken.  So in the long run, a relationship like this will only bring you heartache. And you deserve love not hurt or pain.

                 Love is such an amazing feeling. If you open your heart and let someone in you will see how a healthy relationship builds you up. Make you become the best you can be. They are more than just being someone you can hang out with. They are your partner, your lover, your best friend, the one that boost you to do even better than you are. And if you think you are fine on your own, you could be. But having a partner will bring you to an even higher level. With the right person, this is a fact.  

               I knew a wonderful guy and I was friends with his sons. He asked me out, and said he’d treat me better than who I was with. I told him I had to decline. He then said to me “when I was younger I didn’t care about being in a relationship, or being married. (Which he was married at one point and had 4 children). I liked doing my own thing; being alone, hanging with friends. I didn’t think I needed anyone. I thought I was the shit, running the streets, hanging with different women and having a good time”. He went on to say “now that I am older and want a relationship and to be loved, no one wants me.” He went through cancer and being sick basically alone. He died at the age of 62.

              I believe people want to be loved, but we have become too selfish, too reckless with peoples heart, and are comfortable running solo. But being love while it last feels absolutely f**king amazing. Better than any feeling. Instead of thinking negative, let’s try to think positive about why being in a healthy relationship would be awesome. Two heads are better than one. Oh, behind every good man is a great woman. And the connection and intimacy between two people is nurturing to your life. The one thing we now have to learn is how to behave while we are in a relationship. Some people do know. Others need a little help. But that will be my next article. Love, Barbara Jeanne

New Year, Healthier Relationships..Here's How & So Easy!

                   So here it is a little over a week into the New Year. Have we kept all those New Year’s resolutions that were made or have they been left behind with the year that has just past? And if you had a life coach someone to guide you to your destination would it make it easier to meet your goals? All the things that you said you were going to do? We had every intention to start working out or to quit smoking.

           What if we did something that would be easier. Let’s say maybe we could work on the relationships around you. The ones closer to home and more important would be who you would start with. By improving your relationships it would make you and the others have a healthier, happier time being together, and it would also improve your life in general. See when we are happy and secure in our relationships that trickles down to each avenues in our lives. For example you can concentrate and focus at work or in school because you have no worries with your relationship at home. This would go for both people I would say. You should want your partner to be happy with you as well.                                                                                                                                 

               So how do you do this? Show your partner more care, more interest, and absolutely more love. This is something that you don’t have to take extra time out of your day. You just need a fresh new positive attitude. Once you start to build up your relationship in a healthy direction you will notice that it will improve. Remember if you don’t give the proper attention to anything eventually it dies, so does love. So you want to make a conscious effort to make your partner a priority. I think that when 2 people meet the emotions are high and strong but as the relationship progresses the effort becomes very relaxed. By being consecutive with the TLC (tender loving care) you will bring back the closeness you may have lost a bit. And what is so fabulous about this, love doesn’t cost a thing. You have to talk to your partner; you have to interact with them each day. So you can act like you have been which may be with little care. Or in the same time period you can act excited to see them, spend time with them and most of all secure them that you love them. Take turns cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. I hate to say this but I hear a lot of girls saying I don’t do those things. Yes you do if you want a long term relationship. Your partner may be good about it as you two are enjoying life together. But at some point if you are to have children and you don’t do chores, well that may be a bit of a problem. And guys you aren’t off the hook, you can get consumed with you and your necessities and may be a bit selfish. Spread the love you spend with yourself on your partner and watch it do wonders.

          When you are in a relationship you cannot be that selfish that your partner never sees the top of the list. Yes you have other priorities but you have to learn to juggle. But doing so you will achieve a happier and healthier relationship with the person you say “I love you to”. This brings a feeling of security that you have harmony in your home, which makes the rest of your life flow a little more easily.

          Now that you have the main relationship intact let’s work on some others. One would be your immediate family, friends and lastly your coworkers. There is no need to hate this one or that one. This one or that one annoys you. Let it go. If you are talking about your friend, then it’s time to make a decision to keep or release. Remember you can be annoying as well so think of that when you are being catty yourself. Coworkers deal with it. You spend limited time with these people. Parents and siblings remember you never know when someone can be gone so treasure them. Happy New Year! Get to work on those relationships… Love Barbara Jeanne

Love...Is it What You Always Expected

          Since 2007 I started writing and having my articles published in various magazines. I have studied relationships since I was a little girl. It fascinated me to try and figure out why 2 people would connect. I realized that it had to do with development of their body, especially a girl. As well as how pretty you were as a girl, and how cute you were as a boy. I remember a friend of mine that developed over the winter and by summer all the boys at our swim club liked her. When the year prior they thought she was a pest. So I learned boys liked boobies and how pretty you are. I didn’t feel pretty and I sure didn’t have boobies.

           But then things took a turn from that thought. I had my first boyfriend. We hung out all the time and if we weren’t together we were on the phone. We were pretty much inseparable. Although I didn’t have boobies I did have a kick ass body. My years of doing gymnastics and good genes I guess helped big time. But I wasn’t confident about feeling too pretty. All I had was my mom saying “you’ll see one day you will be so pretty” She would say that all the time. But it seem as though I was waiting for a long time for feeling the sense of being pretty. Oh and I figured out it turns out it’s not all about boobies. And that’s good because mine didn’t seem to be growing. I did have a kick ass personality though. I was funny as hell and the one that kept everyone entertained and laughing.

            Let’s keep it moving on with my research of why 2 people get together. I hope things that I learned and pass on to you will help you someday. Moving on…One day I was outside of my house hanging out and I used the F word when a boy from my neighborhood came up to me and said “you are way to pretty to talk like that”. I’m pretty, someone said I was pretty. So I knew that my mom was right, no cursing. And did he say I was pretty? Wow that was the first time I heard that and I was in 7^th grade. So I always use that rule since then no cursing, or try not to at least. I also found during the years, that if you don’t curse especially to the person you are in a relationship with, they usually won’t curse to you. A guy that I was in a long term relationship was the first and only one to say f**k you to me and I simply replied “yeah you do but I don’t come. Period! The end came for us shortly after.

               So I realized so far that it’s not all about the looks although important. You had to have a connection physically and mentally as well. And you don’t necessarily need boobies. But as I hit high school all that seem to change. I came from a small catholic school that there really weren’t groups. But I soon learned the high school rules. That people liked each other for the status of who they hung out with and popularity. This one we have known for years. But you don’t always know until you get there. But I find that sometimes two people in different boxes collide and it somehow seems to work. And who am I? I consider myself an out of the box type of gal.

                When I went to college I became this wild child. My mother still shakes her head every now and then. But by now not too much surprises her. What we are taught at home is very important and very valuable. This is how we learn to treat our partner as well as the type of partner will we choose. It shows us how to conduct ourselves in a relationship. What we see and learn we will mimic. How we are brought up will have a big impact on which direction we choose in life, as well as whom we will choose in life. It will have an effect in the type of person we will attract and be attracted to. As you get into a more serious relationship it will make or break the length of time of your relationships. You will notice that some people are always in relationship and other that seem to always be single. If you feel you would change things in your life as you grew up. Make an effort to do so when you have children.               

                What is my goal? I hope to get people to understand why we make silly decision that we do. I want you to realize that many of our choices can break a relationship that could have gone the long haul. Why would we rather sit on a computer for hours talking to a person where you can only see words and imagine a face? Why do we always imagine the person on the other side of the computer to be hot, handsome, sexy etc.? Is it that what we are hoping. Or do we imagine that so we get a rise, if you know what I mean. It seems so easy to talk on the computer. In fact it seems that those relationships last longer than the ones we have in person. Is it because our mind lets us imagine the person to be exactly who we want. Do we truly think that the person on the other side of the computer is exactly who they say they are with the pics they post? Or could those pics be of someone else, or from long ago. Guys did you ever think that you could be talking to a dude.

                   Guys have to stop using girls when they are in need of intimacy and girls have to stop thinking a prince is coming. Guys and girls should be happy to find a good loving person that cares for us and will be there through thick and thin. It’s almost as people use each other for having fun but not to have a real relationship. People should not settle for this. If we stop running over and stop accepting a half ass relationship or whatever it is you have going on. We should only expect and accept the real deal. Maybe just maybe we have a good chance of getting the real thing, a good loving relationship. Love, Barbara Jeanne xo

How To Find & Keep a Healthy Relationship, It's Hard but not Impossible

                  So many people that I counsel or speak with are disengaged with their partner. Some say it was from the very beginning that they were never satisfied with their partner. Others say over time one of the two started slacking. They did not want to have sex, be romantic, or have conversation and eventually the two grew apart. This is leaving the one that initially wanting to seek counseling bitter and unsure if they even want to continue to be in this relationship. You cannot invest no time in your relationship and think that it will survive. You also cannot be selfish and think you two will survive. A relationship is teamwork. Two people working together towards the same goals. I am also not putting all the wrong on just one person. You have to really know who you are walking down the aisle with, as well as who you enter a relationship with. The problem sometimes is that a person behaves one way when trying to conquer and once that is achieved they change into who they truly are. This is why I say to wait at least two years to make it final. The two year mark you will know what and who you are truly getting. Let’s move on. Once a person gets disappointed to a certain point they start looking elsewhere. Not that cheating is exactly what they have on mind but they are craving someone that makes them feel good, feel happy, feel alive. And we should feel this way. We have one life to live, one life to be happy and find true love. We do not get a do over at the end of time, so we need to get it right. If not the first time, sometime during your relationship you got to try and fix it. I always say give it your all and then walk away and find someone that will treat you as you want and should be treated. People feel guilty that they go out and look and may find someone to fill this void. They ask me is it wrong? I am not here to judge but to help you achieve a healthy, happy relationship and life. If you are not happy it is normal by nature to go out and find happiness. The only problem is you find someone but you have a significant other at home. Sometimes it’s hard to leave and turn and walk away from your relationship to try to see where this new one might lead. For different reasons, children, financially you may not be able to afford it. You may even dread the fact of hurting or breaking someone’s heart that you love but you are not in love with. What do you do? You need to sit and write a list. Write down the pros and cons. See which one comes up a winner. Next you need to make a plan, if you are going to stay and work it out or leave and go with the new. But don’t leave for another person thinking it might work, unless this new person has already offered a commitment and their heart. Because 9 out of 10 times the new person will not hang around and it doesn’t always last. If you leave it is because you have tried and you still are not happy and you have to be ready to maybe be alone. You might find someone right away but chances are better finding the right person when you are doing the right thing. So cheating and being unfaithful does happen and sometimes when it wasn’t meant to happen but it does. Never tell you partner if you have an affair and it’s over and you decide to stay with your significant other. Why? Because it will forever ruin your relationship. It will crush the person you were originally with and nothing good will ever come from it. But maybe the end of your relationship once they find out. So ask to be forgiven from your higher power, make peace with yourself and move on. Bottom line, you got to be happy, but to get happiness you got to love with an unselfish love. Barbara Jeanne xo

How to Get a Man, But More Importantly, How to Keep Him!

          If a man wants a woman, boy is the game on. I had people stalk me, send me presents through the mail, sending presents to my house and actually had someone walk right up to my door. Then there were the ones that just came out and would tell me straight forward. I had people tell me I light up the room when I walked in. Every relationship that I have had I have put 100% into it, I guess I was young when I got married all I really knew was to mimicked what I saw my mom do. I cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, gave my man loving, massages, head before bed and the list goes on. And I always was dressed to impress. I was always into fitness, so wearing the tiny clothes came natural to me and keeping my body in top shape I accepted no other way. But for most I think my mom was a big role model in my life. I remembered one time she went to pick up my dad from the airport. She wore white hot pants, white knee high boot with heels and her hair was rocking to her shoulders, teased up with a clip. I thought to myself, wow she looks so hot and my dad looked so excited to see her. He told her how nice she looked, and I know she dressed up just for him. This is where I started to realize what a man needed, and wanted. She was a strong woman but she had dinner on the table, clothes ready for him to wear and she made him laugh. My mom was so funny and I can remember that my mom and dad did laugh a lot together. I found to be so very important. You need to sport a good, happy personality. Everyone thinks men like the bitches. Some girls think that the bitches get everything, that my friend is not true at all. I show an overabundance of love and that is what I always got in return. I don’t believe in cursing and I do believe in acting like a lady, and that is how I was always treated. When I left for college my mother and my father went out on their own to buy my goodbye card. To my surprise out of all the cards out there, they bought me the same card. That’s when I felt that my parents where soul mates. Although things can change with the wrong environment, I found this out when I came home for thanksgiving and my sister who did not like my dad had a lifetime of marriage at each other’s neck. As time went by I realized that she was trying to split them up and sorry to say by the time I was in my second year of college, shortly after I got married my father was gone. So he was not there to see his first grandchild. He wouldn’t be there to see any of us again. It’s hard when one parent makes you pick. So I was young, confused I choose my mom, never to see my dad again. My dad begged her to let him stay but with my sister behind saying to get rid of him, I guess she choose as well and it was my sister. So although I tried to find him down the road, it wasn’t like today and by the time I did find him he didn’t remember who I was. And a few years after my sister told me that he had passed and she had to go. So there I was standing crying all alone.  It makes you think does this affect how you treat men? Does it affect who you are as a person, or how you have a relationship? How you allow guys to treat you? I think that it absolutely can. And I do believe I was so young when I got married and had a child that I didn’t know exactly how to act so I acted what I was taught, what I saw and that was everything I knew to be a good wife. But many men thought of me as a QP doll. I wasn’t one to fight, I was one to argue. I would say how I would feel and it is the man’s job to decide if it is important enough to do something to change to make me happy. But I have to say I by no means allowed anyone to walk all over me. When I had a point to make I did it smooth and easy. So when I would leave, so when the end of the relationship came I was so over it. Each guy told me they could never find anyone like me. And I guess that is right because every man is still asking me out, still waiting in the wings to see if it might happen. That no one would be around and I would get lonely and go back. But so far I don’t go back, only forward. I believe that how you grow up is somewhat who you become as an adult. Who you are as an adult in so many ways is what you learned and saw as a child. You always go back to your roots as you grow into an adult. But it’s also friends that you hang with throughout school, especially high school and college.  What is important as well is the romantic relationships that you chose starting as you go into your young adult years. The relationship you have in high school. Sometimes you can get confused but if you go with treating you mate with the love that they want, an unselfish love, and you need to ask what it is you need in return if your partner is not getting it. But if you are not getting it you need to see if the get it. If you have to teach them that much, somewhere down the line the two of you two will run into a problem. So read on to find out how to exactly get your man, keep you man and it’s not all about sex at all. Find the secret’s in my book. Barbara Jeanne xo