When You Have the Boyfriend & the Best Friend

This one is hard but true. Alot of friends, guys and girls get jealous of their best friends when they find love. They don't understand or want to understand why you can't spend all the time you use to with them. They are down on the person that you seem to be crushing on and they still want to be included in your every outting. Someone that I was giving this exact advice for was on a dating site making the rounds, her other friend wasn't doing so well. It was Memorial Day weekend and the girl I was giving advice to made a date to go on a boat, and dock it for lunch. Somehow her best friend became the third wheel on her second date with this gentleman that she was kinda digging. It happened several times until she came to me for help. I told her how to knipp it in the butt. Say I love you and I will talk to you after my date. Friends seem to think they are in competition with your new crush, and that makes it very unfair. Their is one rule that my mom told me years ago, you can't marry your friends. You may be saying that your friends will be there long after the guy and if you think this way, they probally will. So, stop allowing your friends to always be there as the third wheel. Do not allow them to put down the person you are dating, that is negative and wrong and remember if it was the other way around and your friend really liked a person they were dating, you would be history. Your friend should understand this is a natural process of finding and being in a relationship. I am doing all I can to let people know that being in a relationship makes your life a whole lot happier. I am trying to let people know by changing there ways you can be in a forever lasting relationship. So the person you are datting should eventually become your best friend. The person that you hope will turn into something more. Maybe marriage. Your best friend will be your best friend as I said before, but you can' marry your best friend. In fact there is alot of thing you can't do with your best friend and if you are, then you are in a relationship with them and you need not look any further. So let us keep it positive, my mother also told me your heart is big enough to love many people and that is what you need to allow your best friend to realize. You are not abandoning them you are merely moving on with your life. Life is so much more wonderful with a best friend and a lover, or two best freind. There is no limit on best friends, thats one of the great things about life. xo Barbara Jeanne 

YOU GOT MR, OR MS. RIGHT, NOW HOW TO KEEP THEM

Keeping Mr. or Ms. Right is way easier then we make it. Meaning we are the ones that make the relationship so hard. How do we do that, we just become so overly negative about everything your partner does. We has a population are miserable, so we take everything out on the closest person. Who...the person we say I love to everyday. We hurt their feelings. We beat their feelings up until they are just existing in the relationship. You are sitting there wondering what went wrong. It is both of you. Then you both need to sit and stop hurting one another, take time to see where and what happened that your love union turned into a battlefield. Usually though, in my time of searching, reseaching and helping couples, it is one that starts this behavior and one is always a bit more brutal. You both have you jabs at making the other one bend over in pain from the hurtful words you have said. This is what makes one another want to throw in the towel and it is what breaks up of two people that once thought that they could never live without one another. Especially if you took the walk down the aisle. You should want that always and forever with that person. You add children on top of that.... come on, stop being selfish and sit down act like adults... suck it up and do it not only for the children but for yourself. What is you need to do, first off, if you are at the point were you barely speak, you should both say you are sorry. One has to be the bigger person. So whoever is reading this, you will probally have to be the one that bends. So sit with your partner and say those three little words that are truly one of the three of the biggest words you can say..."I am sorry"...very powerful word. Say it from your heart. Next talk out why you feel the way you do and hopefully your relationship is worth saving. Listen to what you partner has to say, even if you do not want to hear it. Last of all, ask each other ways that will make them heal from the horrible things that you both have said to each other and start mending your ways. If you are just starting off a relationship, and you are up to "I love you", here is how to keep it loving and intact. Be kind, considerate, caring, humble, loving, happy, fun and the list goes on. Anything that is positive, that is how you should be treating the person you are saying "I love you" to.. What are you doing you are teaching the person how you treat them and they will mirror your ways back. You will not accept anything less. The thing is that you may have problems and arguments, but you will have a great base and that is what is most important. If you have a strong base, then you can and will get through anything. You can't be mean and mad and expect your partner to want to hang around to be beat up even more. All they do, is dislike you. They may stay around because of the kids but you will feel as if they are vacant. Just existing in the home. That is no way to live. Before it gets to that point try my tips. If it has gotten to that point, try my tips. Either way, you may be sitting there and be thinking that you are to bitter to want to try, it's your call all I can do is put it out there. It never hurts to try, or to late to humble yourself to be a better person, to save your relationship. Good Luck! XO Barbara Jeanne

So Your Partner Has Cheated Now What

So your partner has cheated, the one you gave your heart to, youR everything. Maybe the one you thought that you would spend the rest of your life with has betrayed you. The mother or father of your child or children. The list goes on. The big question now is what do you do. Do you walk away and is it that easy. Some relationships are at the end. It was just who was going to push it over the edge. All you know is that you have a broken heart and you feel very hurt. This call can only be yours. It is a decision only you should make. Not your best friends or your family. It should be nobodies choice but your own. It is a big weight you have on you shoulders and what do you do? You make a check list. This is also good for those people that are not sure if they want to stay in a relationship or not. You make a good side, or a plus side and a bad or minus side. Number the things that are reasons for staying. Then do all of the things that are good reasons to leave or just put them in the column they belong as you think of them. You can not do this if you can not forgive. When I was getting married I was very young and in college. For some reason, dumb and in love. I thought that my parents wouldn't let me live with my boyfriend, so he and I decided we would get married, that would solve the problem.  Soon my boyfriend became my husband, and we thought that was the solution. So we could play house. So that is exactly what we did. During the months that I was preparing for this blessed union, he hurt my feelings deeply over and over. Yet I was full stream ahead and went through with the marriage. After being married and still in college he continued to hurt my feelings. When we finished, still young and now on our own. I started to remember all the bad things he had done before we left school. It taunted me day after day, my mind would not allow me to heal. I just kept thinking how could I allow him to treat me that way and still marry him. If you can't forgive or forget your relationship is pretty much doomed. You don't always have to forget, sometimes you can't but you have got to forgive. If you feel that you will be able to forgive at some point and you love them enough, then you might have a chance to work it out. If you checked more on the plus side on your check list, that is another positive ingredient that will be helpful. Look at the list when you can to see the positive things that are keeping you from leaving. Next, you did alot on your behalf. Next is your partners turn. They have to be truly, deeply sorry and show you this everyday. You can not hold this over their head. You made a decision to stay, now you have to make them realize that you are hurt and it will take time but it is not a sympathy card, to crap on them. If you do forgive and try to stay a couple, you two need to talk and see why and how this happened. The choice is yours, so pick carefully, not you a mad heart but with a calm cool heart. One step at a time at your own pace your pace. xo Barbara Jeanne 

Working Out a Marriage, Hell Yeah!

Living in a marriage that is barely existing, is no way to live. You have two choices, turn and walk away or stay and work it out. It is that easy to make that decision. Then, the rest is work, hard work. You might be saying there is too much pain and hate. If you love each other to the point you married the person, there had to be enough love to fuel the decision to think you could be together for the rest of your life. First you got to realize every relationship is the hardest job you"ll every have to do. They say loving is so easy when it comes to loving you. That is in movies, songs and poems. Real lifetime love is hard. It is giving, forgiving and saying your sorry. No winning the battle, being big enough to not have to win anything but the persons heart.  So instead of adding fuel to the fire...STOP...don't keep hurting one another. You get used to hurting each other. Until it becomes and everyday pattern that you can't control and it becomes a habit like a disease, the only thing is that this disease has a cure. It is the want to heal and become that couple you once were. You can go from person to person, finding something wrong with each person. I havn't found any relationship even the great ones that after time is complete smooth sailing. Every couples have their ups and downs. You have to have the want to make it work. You have to have rock steady in your mind, that there is no other option and the only option is to make it work. We as a nation need to learn to be dedicated to the person we say " I do " to. We give up too easy. As if we were going out with the person. We as a nation are waiting to long, or not wanting to get married because we are scare with the divorce rate so high. We have got to stop just giving up and calling it a day as easy as it is to change our mind. Marriage is major and can be a beautiful lifetime experience if we allow it to be. We need to step back and realize we can make it work...with work. Especially if you have children. It is no longer just your life anymore. It really sucks out their in the single world. People might look like they are having a ball being single but everyone and I mean everyone wants to find true love, real love...don't you? XO Barbara Jeanne 

How Do You Know How Much They Care?

The way they touch you is so very important. The way they look at you. The way they make you feel, makes you know how much they are into you. The way they kiss you is there feeling behind it? How much they do for you. How easy it is to get them to do for you show you how much the care. How much they love you. Do you feel like they put you first, can't wait to see you. Are they by your side every time you’re in need? Do they include you as part of them? Do they say we and not I and you. Do they hold your hand, hug you. Do you know in your heart they would do everything to protect you? Be there for you. You can tell by how much they always want to touch you. Have you by their side. Do they try to make you happy? Ask you what you want. Care when you are sad. Your problem is their problem. Do you feel these things with the person you are with? How many did you say yes to? I know it exist, and it is a wonderful feeling. I think everyone should feel and be treated this way. If you are not, then you are settling. Expect more, want more and don't settle for anything less. When someone isn't treating you right that voice in your head, the one that is telling you. You deserve better. Listen to that voice your inner thought that is what you have to follow. Your gut feeling, will never stir you wrong. You deserve to be touched how you know you should be how you want to be. Barbara Jeanne xo