Children Hitting Those Rough Teen Years...Here's How to Get Through

So your children are getting into the teen years. You might get lucky and keep the same loveable child you always had, or you might get that child who goes through the hard teen’s behavior. What is this, not behaving, talking back, sneaking around, maybe drinking and having sex? What can a parent do to try and keep the communication open and flowing? First off it is something that has to begin when they are younger. A relationship and a bond that is trusting between the two of you. With my daughter I was lucky I always had a job that I could bring her. I even brought her to 99% of my DJ jobs I had. I was lucky to never have the boy problems, drinking or sneaking until she was almost seventeen. One of the reasons is that I always made it a point to keep closeness and openness with each other. It’s important that you take the time to keep all eyes on your children; you don’t have to tell them until you see something off and if you’re watching you will and if you have a good relationship and explain they will understand and not rebel. I also didn’t try to act as sex didn’t exist or was something dirty; I kept it real what life was about. People would laugh and say to her “your mom is your best friend” and I would reply “I’d want to be my best friend too, I’m fun, I drive and I pay for everything”. You have to be in your child’s life to know what’s going on. I was always the one that had the kids over to play and hang, the sleep overs and the parties. She felt like she could tell me anything. I listened with open ears and till this day she knows she can tell me anything. She can be a handful now that she is an older but they are who they grow to be. Some grow into strong personality, such as in her case. Some grow to be brilliantly smart young adults but what you will realize is that you are what you make your child 99% of the time. If your child does have a mental disability such as OCD, or Depression then it is a whole different story at another time. But you still need the closeness and trust of the child. This is a must. Barbara Jeanne xo

Hurting the One You Love By Words & Actions (Published)

Sometimes you do and say things that hurt the person that you are supposed to be so in love with. You may not mean to be frank, forward or hurtful but you are. You may not know that all those little things that you do might be doing are ruining and destroying your relationship.  Those little things you say and do are hurting this person to the core. I remember when I got married I would make dinner and wait for my ex-husband to get home; I would run up to him and hug him. Sometimes I would even jump up and straddle him. One day he came home and said “why are you always waiting for me stop it”, I never did it again. As time went by he asked me why I didn’t greet him at the door anymore and how he missed it. I explained “didn’t you remember you said you didn’t like it. As time went on we continued with good times and bad times but being so young, I thought this is what marriage is. Through the good times and the bad times, well at least that’s what it says when they read off the marriage description at the ceremony. But as the time was going by it seemed as he was just mean. I was realizing that no matter what I did he wasn’t nice. He took a job in Vermont and seems to think he didn’t need to ask me. Having a baby I sucked it up and went. I was put in a little town where everything was in one house, the doctor, the post office, country store as well if you passed away. I had a young infant and not much to do so I would make gourmet meals with desserts and pressed all the clothes to save on dry cleaning. One day he pulled me to the drying squeezing my arm asking where his hunting license was. I replied “I didn’t know”. Along with other situations I had enough and shortly after that last situation I left for my sisters bridal shower and wedding. I decided I did not want to go back but he begged me and I went but my heart was never the same and shortly after I had enough and called it quits. I look back at some of the things he had said and done and we finally had our talk and I asked him why was he so mean? He said “he didn’t know, he knew the hunting license wasn’t in the dryer he was just angry inside. It could have been because he was beaten as a child. Either way it is sad when it comes to an end. Some people can walk away cold hearted without a care others hearts break even if they are the ones wanting out. That seems to be what it is in my cause. I hate to hurt another person, even if it was their fault and they were the ones that broke my heart prior. Keep in mind all those things you do and say to hurt another person knowing or not knowing that eventually it is going to come back to you and probably with a good bye. Either your bags end up packed or the person you love that you never meant to hurt. So think before you hurt the one you say “I love you too. You may be out on the outside of the door standing alone kicking yourself. Barbara Jeanne xo

Lost Love... No Longer In Love (Published Article)

We meet someone that we are interested in and soon after somehow we find ourselves in this heavy duty relationship. We learn to love this person almost as if they were in your life forever. They become the person that is the closest thing to a soul mate. Hoping they just might be ours. Things may go beautifully other relationships may have many red flags never the less we tend to fall for this person and hope only for the best. As time goes by we both grow closer and hope to build a future with everything heading in the right direction. Other couples are hoping the same but see signs that may make them unsure but they still continue full force. Here we are now in relationships that are deep and we feel full of love. We continue down paths. There are many paths that we chose from, other times it is what life brings us. One path may be marriage, while the other path may bring a child before the wedding bells. There also is the path where a couple feels as keeping things with just you two is good enough for the time being. Others put a ring on the finger to show the hopes of marriage. Whatever it may be it has to be what works for the couple. The problem is that when we meet and start this magical happy union we don’t usually start it with all our faults and baggage we come in with our best behavior. If we have problems or personality flaws we try to hide them. No one is perfect but some carry more than others. You may be with a great person but realize you don’t connect. Other times you realized wanting to be with someone blinded you a bit from who they really are. Other times you are really sleeping with the enemy that is a person you are with is really a completely different person. Sometimes you are just with a nice person somehow the feelings got lost somewhere between hello and I don’t love you anymore. Now what, you may be living together. You may have a child together. You may depend on them financially for the place you got together. It could be the simple fact that they are a nice person and it kills you to know you will break someone’s heart. So how can you walk away when you realize that you love this person but you are no longer in love with them? There is no easy way and that is what really sucks especially if you still care and love the person. The best way is to be honest. Sit down and tell them how you fell, allow them to ask questions. Do not put blame on you or them. Just explain exactly what you are feeling and thinking without hurting their feelings because that is what you want to try to avoid. So keep it honest, tell them best of your knowledge what you think happened. Don’t let the person back you into trying to save your relationship because they will and if you are weak you will fall into this and it is truly what you don’t want. You are doing it for them not you but in the long run it’s hurting them because the right feelings are no longer in your heart. You will still have a feeling of lost and be heartbroken but it will allow both of you to move on to find the right partner. Barbara Jeanne xo

First Dates, What to Look For & How to Behave

 It’s your first date or maybe you have been on a few, but you can’t read their signs. What do you need to look for to know if the date is pointing in the right direction? First off are they looking at you, and not all around? Are their eyes focused on yours? Is their shoulder and feet pointing towards you? These are just a few signs that things are going good. If they are touching their hair, moving around and fussing is a sign they aren’t confident. They might be nervous or not interested. Now if they are asking questions about you and your life and they seem concerned and are actually paying attention to what you are saying great sign. If they are leaning towards you or touching you, another good sign. If there is a lack of talking, quiet periods, awkward moments and a look of boredom you better try and turn thing around if you like this person. How do you do this? First off the best way for this not to happen is to think beforehand of what you can talk about, so your conversations can flow? Think of funny incidents that may have occur, even if they were awkward to you these are the good conversation pieces. Laughing is a good form to advance to the next date. Although you want to be yourself you need to be on your best behavior. No cursing, boys be gentlemen and girls be ladies. It’s important that you take the time to dress to impress and try to make sure you look your best. If you are not sure what to wear, ask for some help from a sales clerk or a friend that you respect their opinion. If the kiss comes naturally great but do not force it. If you do feel that you would like one and you feel like the kiss is close, ask them. Their answers well tell you a lot. If the say yes, it’s great, and you can move forward. If they are shy, feel it out. But if you ask for a second date and they avoid giving an answer then let it go and leave it on them. Say, I would love to see you again so please call anytime and I look forward to hearing from you. If you don’t hear from them you can call once if you like, and then let it go. You can drink but I would have no more than two to three tops. That may take off the nervous edge without making you all loopy and crazy. Do not down the drinks like you’re dehydrated, take it slow and enjoy. Lastly, no sex of any type, period. Keep it to kissing. If the relationship progresses you have all the time for that and it will be so much more meaningful. Barbara Jeanne xo

You Hurt The Person You're Dating,They're Pulling Away (How To Fix It)

You’re dating someone you really dig but something you may have done could have turned the happy union a bit sour. Now you feel they are pulling away and you are unsure where you stand and you are freaking out. They are not calling or texting as they usually do and when you call or text it is going unanswered. Can this situation be fixed before you call it quits? You have to keep this in mind that this person that you now doubt their love for you, loved you enough to be with you. They are probably hurt and are not sure of how they feel, but with a few moves you have a good shot of getting back the security of them loving you. First when you do get a hold of them and know you eventually will, be ready with what you want and need to say to them. Meet them in a place where you can be a bit intimate if need be and look your best. Make sure especially for a women look as fabulous as can be, men are very visual and it is hard to say no to a woman that is looking real good. If you were wrong be ready to apologize but do not grovel. Do not make whatever that caused the problem to be the main topic of conversation. Touch base then move on to other topics for a bit, so that they can remember you, for the person they know and love. Have fun and laugh enjoy each other’s company but know at one point you do have to go back and say once again, you are sorry and you two share too much to just give up the good you two have. Taking responsibility for being wrong and keeping it drama free, you have a great chance of getting them back, where you want in your life and in their heart. Barbara Jeanne xo