Those Hurtful things We Say

In the heat of an argument, we seem to blurt out horrible things, that sometimes has you saying. Oh my gosh, did I just say that, that was below the belt. You won't say sorry, or I shouldn't of said that. You will continue fighting it out, to see who the winner is. Until you both go back into your corners until the next round. Well those hurtful things you say to your partner, builds and builds until, you relationship is a building of resentment and sometimes hate. It is an awful feeling. At some point we know we are on a downward spiral but we either don't know how to stop it, we don't care, or it is just too late. We know better, we were taught, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Maybe we should practice that. We don't go around telling off our co worker or family members or even friends. Not the way we do with our mates. We even use the excuse ewh, it because they get me so mad. Well, we need to learn alittle self contol, because the person we say I love you to everyday, is not the person you should be telling off. It should be the person you are putting on a pedastal. Making them feel wanted and loved. Not hurt them, and think "yea I got you good". This is something you need to practice from the get go. I never practiced using foul language, I knew how I didn't want to have a potty mouth so I never cursed. I do remember one time a guy that I was with for awhile, once said to me "f*** you, I quickly replied, yea you do, but I don't cum. Older and wiser, I hope to pass on this rule of thumb, if you bring it into the relationship, saying all those hurtful things that you know shouldn't be coming out of your mouth, then don't do it! It should be a rule of thumb, you just don't go there and won't. You will each teach one another that you will not allow to be spoken to with disrespect. If couples would use this as a rule, it would save alot of couple. If you treat each other with kindness and love and expect nothing less back, that is how to build a relationship with a strong loving foudation. By the hurtful things you say, all that it does is crumble and breaks down the foundation, until you are broken as a couple. So if you are in a relationship like this, be the bigger one and say I am sorry for any hurtful thing that I have said to you. I hope you can forgive me. You may not want to be the one that says it first, but if it helps to make a breakthough back to a healthy relationship it's worth it. All these things I write are building blocks to a srtonger, happier relationship. If I save even a few marrriages or relationship. I am overwhelmed with happiness. If I save more...that makes my life a whole lot better...XO Barbara Jeanne 

Unhappy But Still There...Is This It, Or Is There Hope

The answer to this question is you. So many people I talk to are very unhappy in their relationship, for one reason or another, but still stay. Going through the motions each day but not feeling anything but unhappinest and resentment for being in their situation. This is no way to live, so lets see if we can find a solution to change it. Every relationship is different so I cannot pin point what is going wrong. I can give some helpful tips that may be able to bring comfort and relief to the situation. You first need to look at your situation and feel or try to remember...you probally already know this...but where things went wrong. Was it how one treated another, or both treating one another inappropiately. Could you of had differences with a problem that may have occured, with family, children, or any other reason. May it have been someone or both people changed completely.  Either way, you can go to the next person and I can almost guarantee you will be in the same or similar situation. Relationships are work, from the beginning until the end. To repair a relationship that is almost non existing is hard but you can achieve it. If you loved this person at one time can you see anything that brings those memories back. If you have children it is worth the effort.  I can tell you from experience, I got married at a very young age, then thigs turned bad, but being more mature I feel I could of worked things out .Not only because we had a child together, we had so many memories that we have built already. We parted on not the best of terms, at this point all I could think of was all our bad times. As time goes by, you tend to think of more of the good times. I know people that didn't put any effort when they could of or should of. They let their relationship go, to find out that they feel they are more miserable, they stay stagnant and are not able to go into a new relationships because they cannot let go of the past. Meaning that what they had was more substantial to them, then they thought it would be. So the go on hurt and alone. This is both men and woman I counseled. I tell some men I counsel, they try to keep themselves so busy making it impossible to get into another relationship. Woman tend to go into another relationship and not soul search what really went wrong. So, is you relatopnship worth saving, that is the question you need to ask. Don't sit everyday with a relationship where you are hating yourelf the realtionship and the person you are with. Do something. at least communicate with your partner. Do you still love each other, step one. Step two, are you willing to say you both did wrong and be able to forgive. Step three, bring out photos, talk about the fun times. Go to dinner or make a romantic setting, continue talking about the fond memories, period. If you start to go in the wrong direction..stop...and say let us not o there. This is a time for healing our relationship. Reenact something you did fun, it won't be exactly the same but go with a clear head. Next talk about what went wrong and are you willing to give it an honest effort. When doing this, don't get mad, going over the hurtful incidents, be prepared to start getting past the hurt. Listen to what your partner has to say, even if you don not want or like what is being said. Last make love with an open excitement. like you want to be touch. You want to have that closeness. It may not be as fast as I am writing on this paper but if you take steps, even baby steps and want the relationship to work. Good chance it will. xo Barbara Jeanne

Leave Your Hat On

I don't know if anyone remembers the move 91/2 weeks. It was such a high sexual intensity of a movie, that it kind of became a sex cult classic. Not that it was crazy,but because it was so exotic. It had two great actors, Kim Bassinger and Mickey Rourke,  both in their prime. So you had a knock out couple who got together and made one hell of a sexual movie. They had this connection that became additictive to each other, he made he crawl across the floor. He would feed her, comb her hair and bath her. It got a bit weird, but before the weirdness of the whole relationship was such a fun loving exotic fantasy, that made you want to act it out. He blind folded her and feed her food. A messy scene but it was great. He blind folded her again and slid ice all around her body, hitting the good areas, the lips, the nipples and the belly bottom. Do I need to say more you get the picture. He treated her as a queen as well, buying her precious things, because he loved her and also becuase she was game for just having fun, letting go. The scene that back in the day everyone wanted to try out and do for their man was to a song, " You Can Leave Your Hat On". Where she danced and striped to the song. Not in a slutty way at all. It was the most sensual scene, that I have ever seen. I actually did a dance routine to the song for my dance group that came out really cool. So if you haven't seen the movie, try to pick it up. The point is let go and have fun with you man. He will think it is the greastest thing, you are the sexiest thing and it will make him want to run home to you.  xo barbara jeanne

Stepping Out

We walk by sight and not by faith. The way we think it has to be replaced. To learn to trust in a higher power, not figuring our life out hour to hour. It is a choice we have, but a necessity we need to choose. Believing in ourself and the man upstairs, together as a team we cannot lose. So don't step out and be afraid to go... or feel the need that you must know. The what, the when, the how, they why, leave it to man up high. But God says walk by faith and not sight. Walk in his power, not your own might. Press past your fears, let go of your doubts. Hold on to him and step on out. He'll be right there, He's got the plan. In his timing you will understand. That he's not only your father, he is the man. He will give you all that you need, if you ask and believe, it will be yours indeed. So trust in him without any doubt and you will see what I'm talking about. That you can step out with no fear. He's got your back, he's always near. So step out, brcome part of the story, but when you get yours...give God the glory!                                                                            Everyone needs alittle help every now and then, but it seems that the only time some people turn to God is when tragidy strikes. Then most people give him a try. I remember when I was very little my grand mother, we called her Ita, came to stay with us. She would seat and pray her rosary so intensively, three times a day. It left me with such an impact, for some reason, I felt the need to start doing it. Well not that often, but daily. I found that I had built up such a communication with God, whatever I asked for I recieved. So, I'm not getting all religious on you all. it's just a thought. Remember, everyone has their own relationship with God. Just because you go to your church doesn't mean much, it is how you are as a person each day. So, I'll close this with saying...much love to all and God bless...now pass it on! XO Barbara Jeanne

How to Get Him or Her...

Everyone I'm sure tells you their opinion on how to get the person YOU want. What to do, or waht not to do, but what is impotant that you do what you want. How far is too far? I have had a saying since I started giving advice, what you do today to express your love to someone, or to show someone how much you want them, won't matter after you are over them. All the crazy things you have done in the past to show a person how much you care, does it really matter today, no! Everything you have done stupid or silly has no meaning to your present life, unless it worked out and you are with them. So, do all those silly, stupid things to show that person how much you care. I remember I was dating my husband to be, but i didn't know it at this point. I met him and he said he was going to marry me. Being young and niave, I didn't show much appreciation to him, so he went  hooked up with another girl. He would still come around but, it wasn't the same. The girls boyfriend got kicked out of college now I really was doomed. She was after my man. That was not going to happen, no way, so what did I do? I got construction paper, glue and cotton balls and made him a one of a kind Easter card, with a big bunny on the front with a cotton for a tail. It said " missing you bad, I hope you hop back my way. He did, a year later we got married. Way to young, but that's another story. It doesn't matter what you do to show that person you want to be with how much you care. Even if you do look like a fool. I'm sure your friends are there to tell you that you are. Rememeber when they were acting like a fool with their crush. Anyway, do whatever you feel you want to do, dumb, silly or crazy. I said crazy not creepy. It will either go one way. They will appreciate how much you deeply care and the relationship will work out. Or it won't, but either way you can walk away knowing you gave it your all. It's their loss to pass up someone willing to do all this for a person but it is their loss if they don't see it. Someone will appreciate it. Now, if you take a moment and think back to all those over the top things you did to get a person to notice you or like you. If it didn't work, does it matter today? NO! Everything you have done is in the past and forgotten, it probally doesn't matter to you once you are over the person. So do what you feel you need to do to get the person of your dreams, but when you are done you done. Then let it go and chalk it up to a memory that will fades. Unless you got the person, then good for you. xo BARBARA JEANNE