The journal that this archive was targeting has been deleted. Please update your configuration.
The journal that this archive was targeting has been deleted. Please update your configuration.

You Were In Love & Somehow It Became Just Love (It's can still be so much better than looking for love especially on social sites)

So you have been with your partner for a while and you now having the feeling that you love them but you are no longer in love with them. So what do you do? You don’t want to have sex with them anymore and you feel they are more of a companion. They are someone that you are comfortable with. So you have the itch deep inside to seek outside your relationship. But you may be afraid and skeptical because it’s not like this person you are with is bad to you. Let me say it one more time “you’re just not in love with them” and this is all you can think of in your mind is to feel some passion again. You see everyone scaling the dating sites, talking on social network sites such as Facebook, Google +, Yahoo there are many to choose from. All your single friends are telling you all the people they are talking to. It may seem like so much fun compared to your boring life with a partner you would rather hug if even that, than do anything else. It’s wonderful to have passion in your relationship. It’s wonderful to want to f*** the crap out of you partner. In reality this is something that is short lived in the sense of the everyday for most. There are many couples that enjoy having sex with their significant other on a regular basis and you have to have a good connection for this to occur. This means you have to work on keeping the fun in your union. No matter married or not you have to enjoy each other’s company. You have to keep the laughter. It keeps the want to touch and to see each other. Okay let me explain, would you want to be with someone that shows they don’t give a crap, or is bitchy and shows no care? These are things you need to work on to keep a happy healthy relationship. So before you throw what you have out the window and look what’s behind door number two get a clue to what’s the real deal? The truth of the matter it’s not fun to talk to numerous people that they are talking to numerous other people in hopes that you two might as they might or might not like you. This brings you back to square one because there are so many people looking they may have had a wonderful time with you but because it may become a habit for them, or because there are so many singles out there they keep on keeping on. Yes you will hear from them probably but so will many others. The bottom line what I have gotten from many people out there and in my own findings. Dating sites don’t work and to boot these sites know it that is why they are bringing their clients out to meet people in real life with their meet and greets. So before you think the grass is greener on the other side know it’s not, its dirt. Don’t close the door to your relationship in hand with the thought that you want to feel that passion with another lover. To be in love and have that feeling that you used to have. You have to think that in love feeling you feel for a person changes to a comfort love, the love you know that they’ll always be there for you. Even though the relationship you are in just makes you feel content those sites leave you with no feeling of contentment, comfort or love. Actually many of these sites leave you frustrated, cold and alone. Remember done leap before you really think what you have and will lose. You may not have your knight in shining amour but love is love and it always feels better to be loved then to be just another person….Your choice. Barbara Jeanne xo


What Do You Want From Me? Not Sure Here's Tips for Both Involved

So you met someone that you think you want to get to know better. You may go on a few dates, hang out for a while, or maybe just hook up and realize that you don’t want any more at this point. It could be that you don’t want a commitment at this time or maybe with this person. It could be that something they did turned you off a bit. At one point you two seemed to being heading forward. You feel like you really like this person, you could even fall for them. But you see that they are pulling back. Maybe you didn’t do anything maybe they just moved on mentally and physically. Last of all they just might have met someone new. Whatever the case may be they aren’t calling, the texts are far and few between and if they do send you a text, it’s light and simple. Like maybe hey, what the heck does that mean. We all know what hey means but that’s it, that’s how much time they invest in showing you how much they care. You got to see the signs and take notice of what they might mean. Don’t go asking everyone what everything might mean. If someone likes you they show it. You feel it if they are into you. As well as if they are not. You feel it in your gut; you know it you just don’t want to admit it. The one thing that I can say that might make things easier, that when you know someone is crushing on you and in your mind you know you’re not feeling it. All it takes is a second to say to the person that you are not feeling them. Don’t leave it open because you are giving them hope and it is not fair that you may want them to hang around for if you have a change of heart. It’s not fair to this person that has fallen for you to be a plan b. If the new person doesn’t work out, you might come back around till you met the next. And please don’t keep them for sex. Don’t say “well it’s a mutual thing” it’s not. This is just a way for them to keep their foot in the door and continue to see you hoping it will work out. So be kind, be honest and tell them why you feel it didn’t work out. Keep it short and sweet, it will help them to have the closure they may need. This way they don’t have to wonder. And what goes around comes around and being rejected with no care hurts like a bitch. So play nice. Barbara Jeanne xo


Been Hurt, Will They Disappoint You Again? 

So you meet someone that makes you smile, makes your day brighter. They make you much happier. You get to know them and as you do you can see yourself falling for this person as you know they are falling for you. You aren’t crazy; you can tell this person adores you. And they finally say those words that you having been waiting for “I love you”. Things may be going perfect, great, couldn’t be better when without notice they seem to change. You seem to be unsure, confused and doubting your relationship at times. But what you don’t get was what the heck happened. First off unless you feel like you did something that hurt their feelings most likely it’s not you but them. Why? For different reasons and most times reason that are well…unreasonable. For example maybe they got close to you too fast, or the relationship is moving too fast and then need to slow it down. So they pull back and all that does is makes you feel crappy. You start to doubt what is going on and if this person that you were once so happy with still loves you. Just when you think it may be on its way out, they come back around and show you care tenderness and even love. You once again think okay maybe things are back on track and they seem to be until they once again disappoint you. Not coming through when they should. You even put them first. Start doing crazy things to get this relationship the way it was. You may realize that what you are doing isn’t reasonable but you can’t help yourself. For goodness sakes you love this person and you will do anything to get them back to loving you. You find a way to keep them at bay, to keep them for walking away from you completely. This person may love you, and may want you but doesn’t have it in them to pull off a relationship. Either they are too selfish; they have been hurt and can’t give themselves, their heart. It can also be they just don’t want the responsibility of being in a committed relationship. This person may even leave for a bit and come back around. Although at times it has to be with your help or doing. Either way you are the one that is sad, hurt and feeling anxious and upset. How do you handle this situation? Don’t! You can give them a second chance but keep in the back of your head what they did and remind yourself until they truly prove different. I was with a great guy for 5 years, a cop that was very confident. And at a different time another guy for 4 years that was in the military. They were both on top of their game when I was with them. For some reason when we broke up (different years, different times) both of their lives took a direction for the worse. They both lost their jobs. They both came back and wanted that tender unconditional love that they knew I always gave to them. But in the back of my mind I think of how one was Mr. On top Of the World until he lost his job. The second was there when I got beat on my head and then got paid to say that he never saw it happen and he lied in court. So my point is if this is love then these people don’t know how to love first off. And if this is how they love I don’t want it. Love is not supposed to hurt. Yes the person your love can hurt or disappoint you but it shouldn’t hurt you on a regular basis. Both still want to be with me, I believe you can give a person a second chance but after that??? This is who they are and neither you nor anyone can change them. They can only change themselves. As my mother says you never go back. Remember hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me. Barbara Jeanne xo


Not Happy In Your Relationship & You Meet Another, Now What?

So many people that I counsel or speak with are disengaged with their partner. Some say it was from the very beginning that they were never satisfied with their partner. Others say over time one of the two started slacking. They did not want to have sex, be romantic, or have conversation and eventually the two grew apart. This is leaving the one that initially wanting to seek counseling bitter and unsure if they even want to continue to be in this relationship. You cannot invest no time in your relationship and think that it will survive. You also cannot be selfish and think you two will survive. A relationship is teamwork. Two people working together towards the same goals. I am also not putting all the wrong on just one person. You have to really know who you are walking down the aisle with, as well who you enter a relationship with. The problem sometimes is that a person behaves one way when trying to conquer and once that is achieved they change into who they truly are. This is why I say to wait at least two years to make it final. The two year mark you will know what and who you are truly getting. Let’s move on. Once a person gets disappointed to a certain point they start looking elsewhere. Not that cheating is exactly what they have on mind but they are craving someone that makes them feel good, feel happy, feel alive. And we should feel this way. We have one life to live, one life to be happy and find true love. We do not get a do over at the end of time, so we need to get it right. If not the first time, sometime during your relationship you got to try and fix it. I always say give it your all and then walk away and find someone that will treat you as you want and should be treated. People feel guilty that they go out and look and may find someone to fill this void. They ask me is it wrong? I am not here to judge but to help you achieve a healthy, happy relationship and life. If you are not happy it is normal by nature to go out and find happiness. The only problem is you find someone but you have a significant other at home. Sometimes it’s hard to leave and turn and walk away from your relationship to try to see where this new one might lead. For different reasons, children, financially you may not be able to afford it. You may even dread the fact of hurting or breaking someone’s heart that you love but you are not in love with. What do you do? You need to sit and write a list. Write down the pros and cons. See which one comes up a winner. Next you need to make a plan, if you are going to stay and work it out or leave and go with the new. But don’t leave for another person thinking it might work, unless this new person has already offered a commitment and their heart. Because 9 out of 10 times the new person will not hang around and it doesn’t always last. If you leave it is because you have tried and you still are not happy and you have to be ready to maybe be alone. You might find someone right away but chances are better finding the right person when you are doing the right thing. So cheating and being unfaithful does happen and sometimes when it wasn’t meant to happen but it does. Never tell you partner if you have an affair and it’s over and you decide to stay with your significant other. Why? Because it will forever ruin your relationship. It will crush the person you were originally with and nothing good will ever come from it. But maybe the end of your relationship once they find out. So ask to be forgiven from your higher power, make peace with yourself and move on. Bottom line, you got to be happy, but to get happiness you got to love with an unselfish love. Barbara Jeanne xo


Roles to Use In Getting the Man or Women You Are Pursuing

There are roles that both men and women need to provide. Men need to protect, provide and love their woman and in doing this it stimulates the mind that stimulates the other parts of your woman’s body. Men you do know what I mean, I would hope so. If not, this means it gets your woman turned on downtown. Now for a man they love a woman that can hold a conversation, have a good head on her shoulder and make them laugh. They want you to be able to carry yourself and lead them into having a good time. Now by you doing this makes a man want to follow up on dating and maybe go into a full time relationship. Years ago the needs were different for many men. They wanted a woman that can cook. Don’t get me wrong that still goes a long way with men but women wouldn’t fight they would just let the man lead the house to keep things smooth. Women didn’t like this much and when they came out they came out with a bang. I see many women talking down to the men they are in a relationship with. I hear women nagging and not being too much fun to be around. I ask women, why didn’t you behave this way when you were trying to get this man to commit? Because they wouldn’t accept you or this behavior and women you know this. Women’s needs haven’t changed much from the things in the past or from those qualities that I wrote in the beginning of this article. It is important to most women that they are able to be a bit more independent. This touches base on how you can get more from the man or women you are in pursuit for. Men open the door, treat your lady like just that, a lady. And women, show the man you’re interested in that you will bring happiness to their lives. After this is taken care of and you are committed, now…let’s talk about sex! Barbara Jeanne xo